A little over a week ago, I got some pretty bad news about someone close to me. And I was upset. I was first in disbelief, followed by anger, and then a deep sadness fell over me. My mind began spinning, as I tried to grasp exactly what this news meant, and how it could alter all the tomorrows...But mostly, I was just incredibly sad, and wanted be able to put my arms around this person, to see their face, and to sit in their presence. Just to know that, for that moment at least, they were ok.
I spent that night mostly awake, journaling and emailing. Talking to others who had just found out the news, and feeling such a sense of unity knowing that we were all walking through it together - no one was alone, and everyone understood the emotions that were pouring through our hearts and minds.
Upon getting home from work the next afternoon, I found an email in my Inbox, adressed to me and several others.
***Before I go any further, I will say that the opinions that are about to be expressed are mine, and mine alone. I pray that the person that sent the email meant it to be an encouragement, rather than the slap across the face that I felt it as being.
Anyway, after spending the 10 minutes it took to read the email (it was a long one), I sat back frustrated and quite angry. Basically, I felt like I had been told that by being sad, depressed, fearful and tearful, that I was letting the life and energy be sucked right out of me, and that was not of God. I felt like I had been doused with a bucket of cold water.
Upon finishing, I decided that the person that sent the email either 1: has lost their ability to feel anything or 2: is completely clueless. (I still haven't decided which it is...)
So...I have spent the last week, angry at this person, and hiding away in my little shell, trying to find the truth in all this. I will not negate the fact that it is not good for us to wallow around in our sorrows and fears day in and day out forever and ever and ever. However, I feel that we are completely justified in being sad and upset and tearful when we get devastating news, that could possibly alter the rest of our lives. I think if we weren't affected by devastating news, then there would be much more wrong with us than the news we just received. (I think I have decided the thing that made me the most upset with the email was the fact that it was sent less than 12 hours from the time we heard the news. Translation: We hadn't even had time to fully process what we had been told, and before we had even waded through all that, we were being told to suck it up.)
So...I went on a scavenger hunt tonight...and I know that after I finish this, and turn in for the night tonight, I will sleep better than I have in a week. Because I know the truth, have embraced it, and will go forward from tonight.
"Jesus wept." John 11:35
We all know the story of Lazarus. He died, and Jesus brought him back from the dead. But what happened between the time he died and Jesus brought him back? Jesus wept. As a matter of fact, not only did Jesus weep, but, "was deeply moved in spirit and troubled." AND HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS ABOUT TO DO!!! He KNEW He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, and He STILL wept! AND had a deeply moved spirit and was troubled!!! So don't you think that might just mean that we are pretty much guaranteed to be moved to emotion? If Jesus, the one who made the world, knows how many hairs are on our head, knew when we were to be born, and when we were to die, all before the world came into existence wept - I'm pretty sure we will spend some of our time here on this earth weeping as well!
"He took Peter, James and John along with Him, and He began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,' he said to them. 'Stay here and keep watch.' Going a little farther, He fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from Him." Mark 14:33-35
And He didn't pray just once, but he returned twice after that, pleading that the cup would pass from Him.
"He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 'Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but your's be done.' An angel from Heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him. And being in anguish, He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." John 22:41-44
Even after the angel from Heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him, he was STILL in anguish! The God/Man, being strengthed by an angel from Heaven was anguished to the point that His sweat was like blood!
Anyway, what I am trying to allow you to see, is what He has shown me. It's ok to be sad, and it's ok to grieve. Jesus knew that the only way to save us all was to sacrifice Himself. He knew exactly what He was going to be going through. He knew what the pain would be. He knew how excruciatingly horrible the beatings, spearings, and the crucifixion itself would be. But more than all of that, He knew what the outcome was. He knew that by His death, we would live! He knew that by His blood, we would be saved and healed! He knew that by His suffering, we would be made complete!
And yet, He was still filled with sorrow, and was in anguish. How much worse is it for us mere humans that don't know what tomorrow holds? If we are saved, we know what our eternity will be, but what about the days until then? And what about those that are watching us suffer and face whatever is coming our way?
You can have whatever opinion you wish to have.
You can believe that to be a Christian is to accept life as it comes, and not waste time on tears and sorrow, and believe that to show sadness and sorrow somehow means that you don't have faith in God.
Or you can believe that to be a Christian, is to be human. And to be human is to feel. And if the 100% human/100% God Jesus wept, then you are allowed to as well. And that showing your sadness and sorrow does not mean that you have no faith in God. It simply means that you are hurting.
What does all this mean for me? It means that there will be days when I cry. There will be days when I'm just thoughtful, and a little sad. But like Jesus in the garden that evening, I know that even through my sadness, God is always here! He hears every cry of my heart! He knows that a pool of my tears does not mean that I no longer believe He is the God of love, and He knows that I will always pray with fervent hope that He will provide a miracle, and I can look back and laugh over the tears I shed for the circumstance that no longer exists! Lord, let it be!
So, you can cry with me, laugh with me, pray with me, pray for me or ignore this completely. It's your choice.
But I can tell you one thing...the night we got the news, I firmly believe Jesus was crying right along with us. :)
