I typed my blog Monday night, not knowing how my little world would turn on it's side in the following 12 hours.
You see, the "future thing" I was talking about in my last blog was this:
Ashley - my best Texas friend and the girl who disciples me - and I had an evening out a couple of months ago. The plan was to stop by Starbucks, fuel up and then pray and wait for God to show us someone He wanted to bless that evening, then go to the mall to pick up some items she needed for her mission trip, and finally dinner. Well...as women and plans go, our's didn't quite go as we had thought. :) We started at Starbucks, and wound up there for three and a half hours! I was catching her up on the stuff He had been giving me for my book, and then we were both just talking through things that those topics brought to the surface. All of a sudden, she just stopped, got really quiet, and then turned to me with the look in her eye. She said God had just given her a picture for me. She said that I was back home, working on the book, and was also in a square room at my church, with twelve other people around me, and the person directly to my right was a shorter, dark-haired man. I was leading this group through the seven discipleship lessons that we have here, and building the foundations up, to send these twelve out to start LifeGroups.
So, needless to say, after that I have had even more of a desire to be back in Georgia than I already had. My heart has been burning in my chest, just knowing that there is a purpose for me in my church, and that He is heading me directly for it. And so, with this picture in mind, I settled in to life, knowing that the Lynn's would be in Thailand in a year doing their ministry, and I would be in Georgia doing mine.
Tuesday morning, things got a little konky. Sharon announced that they had spoken with the leadership at Antioch, and basically, it was decided that they will be putting off 24:14 (the next step in their missionary schooling) for at least a year, and just focus on getting to know the Thailand team (through Skype, email, letters, phone calls, etc) better for the next year, before any major decisions are to be made.
So...where does that leave me, you may be asking. Truth is, at this point I just don't know for sure. With Sharon and David not having school, that means that they will be around to take care of the things with the kids, and around the house, and my help won't be needed in that capacity any longer.
The kids are a bit apprehensive, thinking about me leaving while they're still here. I don't think it had ever truly hit them until Tuesday, that soon, we won't all be together. And even if they had thought about me not being in Thailand when they go, they hadn't been prepared for me to have the opportunity to be gone so soon, especially with them still being stateside.
So....yeah. Needless to say, my mind and heart has just been boggled. I want to do only what God wants me to do, and nothing more or less than that, so I have to hear him clearly. So, what I'm asking of you, is for prayers for clarity. I joked the other night saying that it didn't do me any good to talk to anyone about this, because the people in Texas want me here, and the people in Georgia want me there, so there's lots of bias. :) As for me, there are things on both sides of me holding me tight, so I can honestly say that whatever answer comes will have to come straight from God, because I am split straight down the middle at this moment.
I love you all!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Where to begin...
...I am sitting here, wondering where in the world to start, cause there's a lot in my heart at the moment.
The Lynn's (David, Sharon, Samantha and Davis) left for their three week mission trip to Thailand on June 6th. Marcia flew out to visit me that same day, and stayed until the 12th. We had a great time, and she was awesome company for Spooky and me! :)
Ashley - great friend, and the girl that disciples me - left for her two week mission trip to Tunisia on June 13th, so we got together on the night of the 12th. We went out for sushi, then decided to go to the bridge - but before we went, we had to make a stop at the grocery store for flour tortillas, so we could take part in the Baylor tradition of "Tortilla Tossing." There's a whole point system, and you have to try to toss them on top of pillars left from an old bridge...anyway, that's another story...lol :)
As we got out of the car, there was heat lightning all around, and I started talking about how I would love for it to just rain down and soak us! :) I wanted to dance in the rain! :)
Backstory: I have a past with bad headaches. I don't know that they're migraines, cause I've never had them diagnosed, but they're no fun. Early February, they came back worse than ever, to the point where I was having 3 or 4 a day. There was a knot at the base of my skull that was always full of pain, and then when the true headache would start, it was like tentacles climbing out of the knot, and crawling all over my head, trapping my brain, and squeezing as hard as it could. It felt like something was trying to push my head into the ground. After a heavy dose of Advil Liquigels and a bit of closed-eye rest, the tentacles would retract, and it would go back to just the knot. I had asked Ashley at dinner if she had anything for a headache, cause I had gone off and left my bottle at home, and I could feel it coming on. She said no, and inquired as to what was going on, so I filled her in.
So...back to the bridge...we were dancing around the bridge, singing worship songs, and praying asking God to bring the rain. Ashley stopped midsentence, and said, "Vanessa, I feel like I am supposed to pray healing for your headaches." I immediately walked over to her, picked up her hands, put one over the knot, and the other covering the tentacles, and said, "Let's do it!" She started praying, and I could feel the tentacles retracting, but of course the knot was still there. Then she stopped praying and asked me to think back to when the headaches first, first started. At first I couldn't really pinpoint it, so I closed my eyes, and prayed asking God to reveal it to me - cause obviously it was something since He was putting it on her heart to find the source. I just waited for a few moments, wrapped in complete silence, and then itme like a rushing wind - the headaches with the knot first, first started right after Sharon announced that she was moving the kids to Texas and then they were moving to Iraq. From March of '07 to May of '08 I had headaches daily, but when I moved out here, they stopped. Then after World Mandate, when they found out where they were going for sure, and they started making plans to take the kids with them on this summer's trip, that was when the headaches came back. I told all of this to Ashley, and she kindly said, "Vanessa, you have to release them. Until you let the kids go, you're not going to get rid of the pain." I understood what she was saying, but honestly said, "I have to really want to release them, or I'm not really going to...and that's gonna take more than just me saying it..."
So I went to the middle of the bridge, stretched my arms open wide, and asked God to help me let them go. I just kept saying "Lord help me let go" over and over. The more I said it, the more the wind picked up around us, and began to rush over us, and then the knot began to slowly release. Finally, I felt confident enough to say, "Lord, I release them to you" and in that moment, it began to rain! :D Water drops raining down all over my upturned face and palms! He was covering me, and cleansing me! Then I was on a roll, and began releasing anything and everything I could begin to think of! It felt GOOD!!! :D
When I finished, Ashley prayed over me sealing it up, and then I opened my eyes. They were opened wider than they have been in a looooooooooooooooooong time, and I didn't hurt AT ALL!!! :D It was incredibly awesome! :)
So...the Wednesday before the Lynn's returned from their trip, I had a moment. Well, by some people's definition, it was a lot longer than a moment...more like a day. :) I just wanted to be home. I wanted to be with my mama and the rest of my family, with my church and friends, surrounded by everything I've always known, and loved. I was ready to pack me and Spooky up and hit the road. Mama was awesome enough to allow me to interrupt her work that afternoon, and she held the phone, as I sobbed, telling her how badly I wished to be back home, and how I just wanted the next year to pass really quickly so I could get on with it. She was wonderful, telling me how much she missed me, but reminding me of all the awesome things God has done while I've been out here, and reminding me how much the kids would miss me if I packed up early. The song "Stronger" started playing in my head - God has been using songs to speak loudly to me in the last several months - and so I claimed it as my life's song for this season. Only problem is, Hillsong hasn't released a CD with it on it, so I couldn't have my hands on it to really play it.
"Stronger"
Hillsong
There is Love That came for us
Humbled to a sinners cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious
Faithfulness none can deny
Through the storm
And through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me
You are stronger
You are stronger
Sin is broken
You have saved me
It is written
Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all
No beginning and no end
You're my hope and my defense
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross
So let Your Name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher
Be lifted higher
Sunday morning, we got to church, and from the moment the service started, tears were just pouring down my face - I wasn't sobbing, my eyes just sprung leaks! :D I was totally wrapped up in the service, and the songs were great, and then Jimmy (the pastor) got up on the stage to say the prayer for the offering, but instead, he said, "I think there's another song God wants us to sing this morning. I think there are some people out there that are holding on by a thread, and God wants to speak this song over them." He said a simple prayer, and then the chords to "Stronger" started up. The leaks became floods, and the the top of my shirt became soaked, as God threw His arms around me and held me close to His chest, rocking me back and forth and loving on me as only He can.
As soon as the song (which is the first song playing on the blog page) was over I sat down to journal. An excerpt:
"You did it. You're meeting me right where I am and you threw your arms right around me. I can feel your heart beating against my cheek! You love me! Completely. Fully. Unconditionally. Unexplainably. You know everything there is to know about me - past, present and future - and you want me...not in spite of it, but because of it! And you want to use me! Your love for me knows no bounds! You are everywhere. Your love surrounds me wherever I go. You are my constant. You are always holding me. You are in the happy moments, and in the sad moments. You rejoice with me when everything is going smoothly and you hold me and wipe away my tears when I feel like it is all crumbling around me. You are the answer to every question."
The song that played during the taking up of the offering was "How He Loves Us" - the second song playing on the page :)
"How He Loves Us"
Kim Walker
He is jealous for me
He love's like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so
Yeah, He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves
We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
He loves us,whoa, how He loves us
whoa, how He loves us Whoa, how He loves
So...to say I couldn't ignore the fact that He was really loving on me that day would be a huge understatement! :)
Ok...I think that this has gotten you at least a little bit caught up... :)
So sorry it has taken me so long to get something out again. I've been burying myself in the Word - starting at the beginning and picking it apart! And loving every minute of it!!! :D
I love you all, and don't EVER forget it! :D
Praying for you all, always! Loving you all, always! :)
Thank you for loving me! :)
PS - There's one more story involving a vision that was spoken over me regarding the future, but I have to tell someone else before I can broadcast it here. I have you interested now, huh? :D Don't ya love me?!?!? :D
The Lynn's (David, Sharon, Samantha and Davis) left for their three week mission trip to Thailand on June 6th. Marcia flew out to visit me that same day, and stayed until the 12th. We had a great time, and she was awesome company for Spooky and me! :)
Ashley - great friend, and the girl that disciples me - left for her two week mission trip to Tunisia on June 13th, so we got together on the night of the 12th. We went out for sushi, then decided to go to the bridge - but before we went, we had to make a stop at the grocery store for flour tortillas, so we could take part in the Baylor tradition of "Tortilla Tossing." There's a whole point system, and you have to try to toss them on top of pillars left from an old bridge...anyway, that's another story...lol :)
As we got out of the car, there was heat lightning all around, and I started talking about how I would love for it to just rain down and soak us! :) I wanted to dance in the rain! :)
Backstory: I have a past with bad headaches. I don't know that they're migraines, cause I've never had them diagnosed, but they're no fun. Early February, they came back worse than ever, to the point where I was having 3 or 4 a day. There was a knot at the base of my skull that was always full of pain, and then when the true headache would start, it was like tentacles climbing out of the knot, and crawling all over my head, trapping my brain, and squeezing as hard as it could. It felt like something was trying to push my head into the ground. After a heavy dose of Advil Liquigels and a bit of closed-eye rest, the tentacles would retract, and it would go back to just the knot. I had asked Ashley at dinner if she had anything for a headache, cause I had gone off and left my bottle at home, and I could feel it coming on. She said no, and inquired as to what was going on, so I filled her in.
So...back to the bridge...we were dancing around the bridge, singing worship songs, and praying asking God to bring the rain. Ashley stopped midsentence, and said, "Vanessa, I feel like I am supposed to pray healing for your headaches." I immediately walked over to her, picked up her hands, put one over the knot, and the other covering the tentacles, and said, "Let's do it!" She started praying, and I could feel the tentacles retracting, but of course the knot was still there. Then she stopped praying and asked me to think back to when the headaches first, first started. At first I couldn't really pinpoint it, so I closed my eyes, and prayed asking God to reveal it to me - cause obviously it was something since He was putting it on her heart to find the source. I just waited for a few moments, wrapped in complete silence, and then itme like a rushing wind - the headaches with the knot first, first started right after Sharon announced that she was moving the kids to Texas and then they were moving to Iraq. From March of '07 to May of '08 I had headaches daily, but when I moved out here, they stopped. Then after World Mandate, when they found out where they were going for sure, and they started making plans to take the kids with them on this summer's trip, that was when the headaches came back. I told all of this to Ashley, and she kindly said, "Vanessa, you have to release them. Until you let the kids go, you're not going to get rid of the pain." I understood what she was saying, but honestly said, "I have to really want to release them, or I'm not really going to...and that's gonna take more than just me saying it..."
So I went to the middle of the bridge, stretched my arms open wide, and asked God to help me let them go. I just kept saying "Lord help me let go" over and over. The more I said it, the more the wind picked up around us, and began to rush over us, and then the knot began to slowly release. Finally, I felt confident enough to say, "Lord, I release them to you" and in that moment, it began to rain! :D Water drops raining down all over my upturned face and palms! He was covering me, and cleansing me! Then I was on a roll, and began releasing anything and everything I could begin to think of! It felt GOOD!!! :D
When I finished, Ashley prayed over me sealing it up, and then I opened my eyes. They were opened wider than they have been in a looooooooooooooooooong time, and I didn't hurt AT ALL!!! :D It was incredibly awesome! :)
So...the Wednesday before the Lynn's returned from their trip, I had a moment. Well, by some people's definition, it was a lot longer than a moment...more like a day. :) I just wanted to be home. I wanted to be with my mama and the rest of my family, with my church and friends, surrounded by everything I've always known, and loved. I was ready to pack me and Spooky up and hit the road. Mama was awesome enough to allow me to interrupt her work that afternoon, and she held the phone, as I sobbed, telling her how badly I wished to be back home, and how I just wanted the next year to pass really quickly so I could get on with it. She was wonderful, telling me how much she missed me, but reminding me of all the awesome things God has done while I've been out here, and reminding me how much the kids would miss me if I packed up early. The song "Stronger" started playing in my head - God has been using songs to speak loudly to me in the last several months - and so I claimed it as my life's song for this season. Only problem is, Hillsong hasn't released a CD with it on it, so I couldn't have my hands on it to really play it.
"Stronger"
Hillsong
There is Love That came for us
Humbled to a sinners cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious
Faithfulness none can deny
Through the storm
And through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me
You are stronger
You are stronger
Sin is broken
You have saved me
It is written
Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all
No beginning and no end
You're my hope and my defense
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross
So let Your Name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher
Be lifted higher
Sunday morning, we got to church, and from the moment the service started, tears were just pouring down my face - I wasn't sobbing, my eyes just sprung leaks! :D I was totally wrapped up in the service, and the songs were great, and then Jimmy (the pastor) got up on the stage to say the prayer for the offering, but instead, he said, "I think there's another song God wants us to sing this morning. I think there are some people out there that are holding on by a thread, and God wants to speak this song over them." He said a simple prayer, and then the chords to "Stronger" started up. The leaks became floods, and the the top of my shirt became soaked, as God threw His arms around me and held me close to His chest, rocking me back and forth and loving on me as only He can.
As soon as the song (which is the first song playing on the blog page) was over I sat down to journal. An excerpt:
"You did it. You're meeting me right where I am and you threw your arms right around me. I can feel your heart beating against my cheek! You love me! Completely. Fully. Unconditionally. Unexplainably. You know everything there is to know about me - past, present and future - and you want me...not in spite of it, but because of it! And you want to use me! Your love for me knows no bounds! You are everywhere. Your love surrounds me wherever I go. You are my constant. You are always holding me. You are in the happy moments, and in the sad moments. You rejoice with me when everything is going smoothly and you hold me and wipe away my tears when I feel like it is all crumbling around me. You are the answer to every question."
The song that played during the taking up of the offering was "How He Loves Us" - the second song playing on the page :)
"How He Loves Us"
Kim Walker
He is jealous for me
He love's like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so
Yeah, He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves
We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
He loves us,whoa, how He loves us
whoa, how He loves us Whoa, how He loves
So...to say I couldn't ignore the fact that He was really loving on me that day would be a huge understatement! :)
Ok...I think that this has gotten you at least a little bit caught up... :)
So sorry it has taken me so long to get something out again. I've been burying myself in the Word - starting at the beginning and picking it apart! And loving every minute of it!!! :D
I love you all, and don't EVER forget it! :D
Praying for you all, always! Loving you all, always! :)
Thank you for loving me! :)
PS - There's one more story involving a vision that was spoken over me regarding the future, but I have to tell someone else before I can broadcast it here. I have you interested now, huh? :D Don't ya love me?!?!? :D
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