I'll be home for Christmas...

As I sat down to type this, Bing Crosby began to croon this song to me :) So I had to take advantage of that "God-incidence" and shout to the rooftops that I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS IN ONLY 21 DAYS, AND BACK "FOR GOOD, FOR NOW" IN 60 DAYS!!! :D WOOHOO!!! :D


Ok...now that I have that out of my system, I can continue on! :)


I want to offer a public apology to all of you for the lack of blogs here lately. But here's the thing, I am soooooooooooooo wrapped up in all of my youth plans, that my mind has gotten quite one tracked! :) There is so much I would love to share with you, but as lots of it is still in the "polishing" stages, I don't want to put it out here yet, and then the HUGE thing I am clinching my hands hard to keep myself from spilling it all out here, I MUST keep off the blogosphere for a bit, because it is intended to be an awe-filled time, and I am afraid if I put it on here, some of my kids might get wind of it and it will take away from what all God has in store for that time - but not to worry, because you will get FULL details after it plays out! :D


***Please just be praying hard that EVERYTHING will come together just as it needs to! There are LOTS of "little things" - and some rather big things - that have to happen, and I am fully trusting that God is going to bring it all together...even if all of it doesn't come together until the day before...and then I'm just going to embrace the lesson He is teaching me in that... :) (Or try to at least...lol)



So...plans for the next 60 days:



I will fly into Atlanta at 10:15p on 12/23 (God-willing)



On 12/30, Heath is being so awesome as to allow me to lead out during our youth group time, and God has told me to simply let them in. Meaning that He just wants me to tell them who I am. Where I've come from; the life I've led; the paths I've walked; the things He's brought me through and the outcomes of them; and give them a glimpse or "overview" into the last 18 months of my life. (I know it sounds like a lot of info, but I promise youth group won't last 12 hours or anything... :D Although, I asked for permission to pull our start time back to 6, and we're going to eat together! :D I am soooooooooooo excited!!!)



My mama could tell you better than anyone, that I am sooooooooooooo excited!!! Our phone calls used to bounce all over the place, but now, I am single minded! There is only one thing on my thought process! I am continually bouncing ideas off of her, telling her of the newest ideas God's given me, and reading my weekly letter to her before emailing it to her to print out! :) She's been AWESOME through all this! She has been my hands in feet! :)



Next... :)



Well...technically, it's not next, as I got this one day while meditating on upcoming youth things... :)




God has laid a series on my heart to share with the youth when I get back. It's in the polishing stages, so I won't share all the details, but you should know me well enough to know my passion by now and this should come as no surprise - it's on the love of God and the relationship He so desires to have with us.



One day as I was at work, we (God and I) were having a running conversation, where I was throwing things at Him, and He was continually saying the same thing over and over and over and over. :) I was trying to figure out the best way to share the love of God with these kids, and help them to understand what it took me so long to figure out: He really does love us! Just because people that walk on this earth can't show us the full love of God, doesn't mean that He can't love us even more than that! As I was explaining to Him that some of these kids come out of situations that are very similar to mine - some much worse, some better - (for some reason, I just have this thing in me that takes over sometimes and forgets who He is, and that He knew all of it WAY before I did... :) I'm sure none of you have ANY idea how that is... ;) ) and how hard it is going to be for them to grasp this without some MAJOR help... And He just kept saying, "I am love. It all begins and ends with Me." And ya know...it's kind of hard to squabble with that logic...


However, me being me, I was exactly content with that simple explanation. So on the way home, as I was listening to Casting Crowns new CD (Until the Whole World Hears), I was listening to track 4: Joyful, Joyful. As I listened, it got to the bridge where the girl sings "God our father, Christ our brother..." And it all dropped into my heart like a ton of bricks! :)


You see, what He showed me that afternoon, was exactly what happened in my life for the first 23 years of my life...



But first...


God IS our father! You are His! And here comes the hardest part for me to grasp - before the creation of the world, you were on His mind! He LOVED you! He WANTED you! He DESIRED you! He CRAVED a relationship with you! And you are the only you He ever did or ever will create! You are COMPLETELY unique!




So, the picture is that God was thinking of you before the creation of the world, and like most new fathers, He has been waiting and waiting and waiting for your arrival in His world! He worked to make things just "so" for you - He opened His mouth and placed a beautiful, bright glowing ball of light to make your days bright! With clouds that He shaped, special for you, into whatever animal or shape you might be desiring at the moment! And then He filled the night sky with one giant moon, and trillions of stars to inspire your dreams!

Then He poured water onto the earth so that you would one day be able to swim in the ocean, walk on the sand and watch the sun set over the water - but that wasn't enough! He went and filled it with all kinds of living creatures that would entertain, amuse, and enrapture you!

Then He turned to the barren ground and put all sorts of things into the soil so that you would be surrounded by beauty all year round! Trees that will stay green all year long! Trees that have leaves that will change with the passing of the seasons - greens, yellows, reds, golds, browns! Then if the fact that they change color isn't enough, He made them so that they would float from the limbs, and fall all around you as you danced in the midst of them! Oh how He loves watching you dance among the falling leaves! :) He made them so they would "crunch" when you walked on them and you would laugh, and stomp them more! And He made them soft enough so that when they were piled up and you jumped in them, you would have a soft place to land!

But He didn't just stop with trees! He gave you bushes! Vines! And flowers! Making sure that there were all sorts of plant life, so you would be able to watch things bud and come to life all year long! He didn't want you to forget for one moment that life is everlasting, and that things are only brought to life when they are exposed to the Son! :) And He made sure that there were millions of colors to excite you! And He didn't just put flowers to look at! He put flowers you could play with! :) He sat in the heavens with a grin that split the clouds as you would search and search to find that perfect dandelion! And He laughed as you went chasing after it as it blew in the wind!

He gave you hours of enjoyment in the evenings of summer! You would wait and wait for the sun to begin to dip beyond the horizon, and would watch with eyes of an eagle, to see that first flash of light! You would beg your mama to get a jar and poke holes in the top of it, and you would run, giggle and fall all over the yard as you rushed to fill your jar! And oh the fun when you would finally capture one! To cup your hands together, and stick your eye ball to the "peephole" you made between your thumb and first finger to see just how awesome your find really was! :)

He gave you snow to play in! You could build things out of it! Make snow angels! Snowmen! Snowballs! Even ice cream made from snow! You would play out in it for HOURS, not even realizing that time was passing! And as He sat in the heavens and watched, He loved seeing your cheeks turn rosy and your eyes light up as you enjoyed every moment of the snow that had fallen! And oh boy! If you got to actually be out in it as it fell! How many snowflakes you would catch on your tongue! Twirling in the midst of the white beauty! :)

And of course there's rain! Rain to cleanse the earth! Rain to quench the thirst of all things living on the land! And how He loved to see you stomping in the puddles! Dancing in the rain! Not caring that your clothes were soaked through clear to your skin! Just loving this enormous gift He'd given you!

Oh...but along the way, something began to happen. A change so subtle that you wouldn't even realize it was happening...

The sun got too hot, the moon and stars didn't get bright enough or sparkle enough...

The beach got too hot, the sandy too messy, and the water too salty...

The leaves become a chore instead of a blessing...

The hedges needed shaping, the bushes needing pruning, and the flowers needed watering...

The lightning bugs lost their luster and instead of being a treasure, they became a nuisance...

The snow became irritating, and it kept you at home instead of on the go...

The rain made your hair frizzy and got spots on your clothes on the way into work...

Life happened.

Please, please, please - don't EVER stop enjoying the gifts He's blessed you with! Enjoy them and see them as precious! Bask in them!

There was a whole other "part" to what He shared with me that afternoon on the drive home... But I feel that tonight, He just wants you to focus on this.

Don't ever take His gifts for granted!

"People were bringing little children to Jesus to have Him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, He was indignant. He said to them, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will not enter it.' And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them."

Mark 10:13-16

Gobbled Blessings... :)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

As I sit here this morning, in a house surrounded with sounds of the day of thanks, I sit in awe at all I have to be thankful for today. I always try to be thankful of everything in my life, and all that God has blessed me with, but this year, as I reflect, I have even more to be thankful for than ever before! :)

I have been waiting for over a month now to write this blog, but was waiting to share the news with Papa and Nanny, in person, before I put it out for the "blog-world" :) Tuesday night, I was able to take them to dinner, and in true God-humor, it just so happened that Tuesday marked the one month anniversary of when everything went into motion! :)

Let me start at the beginning... :)

On October 24th, I received an email from Pastor Wes. He was asking me to pray about it, and see if leading the youth group was something I felt that God was laying on my heart. When I read this email, I was not just shocked and surprised, but I was completely elated and totally overwhelmed! :) You see, my God is just too incredible for me!

If you all remember, several months ago I blogged about God laying on my heart a ministry for young girls/women, where I would be able to pour into them, all God has been pouring into me in the last 16ish months. When God laid that on my heart, I had already become perplexed, because someone was already working with the girls at our church, and I didn't know how I would ever fit into the youth picture. I had asked Him and asked Him how He was going to work it out. He told me to trust Him, and so finally, I sat back and took my little paws off of it - and lo and behold, in true God-fashion, that's when I received the email! :)

So, to say I was excited would be a HUGE understatement! :) Just ask my mama... :D

In the last month, God has been flooding my heart and mind with message series, events, vision, structure, etc for our group! And thankfully, He has provided me with INCREDIBLE partners and supporters for this journey, that have helped me keep afloat! :)

Heath, my co-leader, and an INCREDIBLE communicator and man of the Word, is taking wonderful care of the kids right now, and is pouring into them and feeding them so much of the meat of the Word - it's just awesome! He has been awesome enough to allow me to send weekly letters to them, (and thanks to Mama who prints them out for me and delivers them to the youth house each Wednesday night!) and through that, I have already gotten to know several of the youth by them contacting me via email and text and sharing their lives with me! :) It has been simply incredible! :)

I sit here, in Texas, and wonder why in the world God won't just let me go ahead and head on back to Georgia, when all this awesomeness is going on! One day He finally allowed me to see why I'm still here - you see, if you know me at all, you'll know what I am about to say is completely and absolutely, without a doubt the truth: If I had been in Georgia, at the church, when Pastor Wes asked me to take on the youth, I would have jumped in wholeheartedly with my whole body - not just both my feet! And I probably would have been able to make it work for a while, but I would have lost steam soon. However, with doing it in God's timing, and in His way, I am being given the opportunity to just soak Him up, listening to the beat of His heart for His children, and have been given time to lay things out, plan ahead (fully) for different events and messages, and I have also been given this time to get to know the children, and for them to get to know me, without all the awkwardness of just showing up one day unannounced and taking over! :) Now, I already feel connected to these guys, so that when I show up on 12/30 (while I'm home for Christmas, I get to attend the youth service! Soooooooooooooooooooo excited!), I'll feel like I already know some of these kids, and since they already know a bit about me, we can just enjoy the time of fellowship and move right along! :)

God is sooooooooooooooooo good! :)

So today, on this Thanksgiving day, I am thankful for my family and friends that love me in spite of all my faults and shortcomings, my youth group that I cannot wait to get home and get in the middle of, my Jesus who gave His life to save mine, and my God that gave up His son, so that He might gain this daughter! :)

He loves you so very much! Don't EVER forget it! :)

And I love you so very much! Don't ever forget that either! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Roll me, Pound me, Spin me, Bake me, Paint me, Rebake me :)

Mama shared this with me, and now I'm going to share it with all of you! :)

There was a couple who took a trip to England to shop in a beautiful antique store to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary.

The both liked antiques and pottery, and especially teacups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke, "You don't understand. I have not always been a teacup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay.

My master took me and rolled me, pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Don't do that! I don't like it! Let me alone!' but he only smiled, and gently said, 'Not yet.'

Then, WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!' I screamed. But the master only nodded and said quietly, 'Not yet.'

He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then... Then he put me in the oven! I have never felt such hear! I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door, 'Help! Get me out of here!' I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, 'Not yet.'

When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! 'Ah! This is much better,' I thought. But after I cooled, he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible, I thought I would gag. 'Oh! Please stop it! Stop!' I cried. He only shook his head and said, 'Not yet.'

Then suddenly, he put me back into the oven. Only it was not like the first one - this was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged! I pleaded! I screamed! I cried! I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up, when the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited, and waited, wondering, 'What's he going to do to me next?'

An hour later he handed me a mirror and said, 'Look at yourself.' And I did. I said, 'That's not me. That couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!'

Quietly, he spoke, 'I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up.

I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.

I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.

I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted all over you, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life.

If I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you woudn't have survived for long, because the hardness would not have held.

Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.'

So...whatcha think? :) I, personally, think that I've been this little lump of clay many times during my lifetime.

During the last sixteen and a half months, I have been rolled, pounded, spun, baked, painted, and rebaked. And every time we get one area of me finished, it's time to start working on another area.

At first, I just got frustrated; angry even. I felt like I was doing my best, allowing God to have a bigger say in my life than I had ever allowed Him to. I was listening, praying, reading, obeying...but every time I got one thing down, He seemed to spotlight another area where I had failed yet again.

Then one day, I woke up... :)

Yes, there were/are many "failing" areas in my life. But the thing is, that they fail because I am trying to control them. It isn't that God sees me as a failure, it is just that when I begin to take the steering wheel away from Him because I think I can handle it better, whatever it is, begins to slowly (and sometimes not so slowly...) go downhill. He doesn't want me to feel like a failure, He wants me to live a life filled with freedom and forgiveness!!! :)

I sit here and remember back to that Saturday night/Sunday morning in late July when I was at the end of my rope. I was like that little teacup sitting in the oven: I was DONE! I didn't want to do it anymore, and as I sat on the inside, not being able to see the whole picture, but instead only seeing out the little foggy window that looked out into the place I was currently in, I got angry. "Why would you put these things on my heart if you aren't going to do anything with them?" "Why did you give me such a great family, take me 1000 miles away from them, give me 12 months of contentment, and then make my heart burn to be back with them - daily - again?" "Why leave me here all alone this summer, except for visits from Mama and Marcia, when I could have just moved home and been with all of them consistently?" "Why, God?" "Why?"

And in that moment, thankfully, He didn't simply say "Not yet." Instead He gave me a tentative window for when I'd be home, and loved on me.

But still, I wasn't completely satisfied. Because as the family got back home from their summer excursions, and we settled back into life, I wasn't content. We were adjusting to a new normal, and with Sharon and David being around all the time instead of being at class, I just didn't understand why God wasn't just sending me on home right that instant. "Why do I need to stay here?" "Why can't I just pack up and go back right now?" "Why would you give me a peace to release the children, and then make me stay here for six more months?" "Why are the days and weeks so long? Couldn't you make them speed up?" "Why do you keep bringing things to my heart, that are completely impossible?"

Oh yes. What the human mind is capable of misunderstanding when we don't stay completely focused.

I finally gave in...gave up...shut up... However you wanna put it... :) I told Him, "Yes. Yes to whatever you have for me, whenever you have it for me. I don't want to rush things, because I know you're timing is perfect, so I will try my best to just sit down, shut up and hang on for the ride. But may I ask one thing? Could you help me to do that? :)" And He did.

And lo and behold, just when I thought the things I had heard had just been straight out of my overactive imagination, He pulled out the photo album and showed me the big picture! :)

He put the dream right in my lap, and showed me clearly how if He had listened to my suggestions at any point, how things wouldn't have turned out as they were supposed to. Everything happens for a reason, and I know that more tonight than I did a week ago. :)

God is good...

ALL the time!

But the thing through all of this, is to realize that just because He doesn't always work exactly like we want Him to, it does not mean that we are to stop talking to Him and telling Him what is on our hearts and what we long for. You see, God put a passion in my heart. I grabbed hold of it, and wanted it to come to fruition a while back, but it wasn't supposed to happen that way. The end result is still the same in both of our scenarios - only with His way of doing things, the entire experience will be a LOT better, because sometimes, the path way to the project will teach you more and grow you more than the project itself! :)

Sorry for rambling so much - it's just been an awesome week!!! :D

Love you all! :)

PS - Please go back up to the top of the post and look closely at the picture. What do you notice? Are his hands spotless and free of mess? Absolutely not! And what does that tell us?

God is not afraid of our messes! He will get right in it with us, to help us out of it! He isn't going to just stand high above you and point out what needs to be fixed, broken away, or tweaked - he's going to get right there beside you, and do it for you, Himself! All you have to do is open yourself up! He isn't going to make you become a finished product, full of beauty and life. But it sure hurts His heart to have to sit on His hands and watch as you run further and further from Him. Run back! The process might be painful at times, but you'll have an eternity filled with peace and joy and the most awesome worship service you've ever experienced!!! :D Or, you can fill yourself up with what you think is peaceful now, and wind up with an eternity of misery, sadness, and heartbreak, knowing that if you'd only turned into His arms, you could be forever in them...

He is filled with love, and He wants to pour it all over you! :) Let Him.

Every moment matters...

So, last night Davis and I had a sleepover (Samantha had gone with a friend to something at her church and didn't get back until later). The stipulations of the sleepover were that we had to be in the bed at 7:45 (yuck!) and have the lights off by 8 (double yuck!) - we followed both those rules...but you can still have fun talking! :)

Anyway, we had some quality conversation and cuddle time, and then when his words began to get further and further apart, and he was yawning every other breath, I just got quiet, and soon he was out like a light. He had been holding my hand when he was talking, and he continued to hold it as he was sleeping. We had been lying on our sides facing each other while we'd been talking, and the sounder he went to sleep, the more burrowed into me he became - still holding my hand.

As I laid there, Davis pressing into me on one side, and Spooky pressing in on the other, I breathed it in deeply. Cause that's truly what it's all about. Those are life's beautiful moments. It didn't matter that lots of things got left undone because we had to lay down and have the lights out by 8, it didn't matter that I didn't get the reading, journaling, blogging, emailing, etc done that I had planned to do last night before he came in asking if we could have a sleepover. It didn't matter that as I laid there sandwiched between them that I felt like my skin was going to melt off cause I was so hot, and I couldn't get my hands loose to throw the cover off. All that mattered was lying there and enjoying that precious time with that child. Cause those moments are gone all too soon...

As I think to all the times during his life (and Samantha's) that I've had the opportunities to love on them, hold them, cuddle them, hug them, kiss them, breathe them in...I sit back in awe. Because here's the truth of it. I love these kids. I love them with every breath that is in me. I want them to have the very best this world has to offer, and the best God has in store for them. I want them to grasp every concept way earlier than I did, I don't want them to hurt, but when they do, I hurt with them. I get upset with them when they don't obey, and get frustrated when I know/see/hear them doing things they shouldn't be doing, but I love them even through that.

...How much more does God do all of that with each of us?

Just sit on that one a minute.

God loves you so much, he aches for you. He wants to be a part of your life. He doesn't just want you to talk to Him during set times of "quiet time" or "prayer time" but He wants you to include Him ALL day long! He's even better than WalMart, cause He doesn't even close on major holidays! 24/7/365 - He's there for YOU!!! He wants to hear YOUR voice! Singing, praying, rambling, processing - He doesn't care! Think of the times where you have just sat in the same room with your children and/or parents - aren't there times when nothing has to even be said - you're just in their presence, and that's more than enough! He's the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE!!! And yet, He still wants that with each of us! He just wants us to welcome Him into our presence, and He wants us to long to be in His!

His arms are open wide!
RUN IN!!!

And the best part is, that just like the picture above, He doesn't expect us to come up to Him - He gets right down here with us, and embraces us right where we are! We don't have to be perfect! We don't have to be be mistake-free! We just have to want Him and desire Him more than we want or desire anything else! (And the beautiful thing there is, that even if you're not completely to that point, all you have to do is let Him know you'd like to get there, and He'll even help you with that!)

What an incredible Daddy He is!!! :D

Rest in His arms this week . Don't worry. Don't fret. He wrote, directed, produced, and previewed the movie that is your life - so if you have issues, take them to Him! :)

I love you all!

And the answer is...

Well, some of you knew...and some of you didn't... But, whatever the case may be...there I am, in all my glory! :)

Fifteen years, and another world ago... :)

Kudos to you if you can pick out which of these lovely young children of the early 90's is me... :)
(Family picking doesn't count - cause if you can't find me, then we have more pressing issues... :P )

A friend posted this picture on Facebook, and I spent a good long while laughing, and then went down memory lane for a bit. Oh...the good ol' days... :)

Tomato juice and chocolate cake... Mmmmmm... :)

Last night I had the opportunity to enjoy comfort foods that best remind me of home, and Friday nights at Papa and Nanny's.

It was a most excellent, God-blessed moment.

'Nuf said. :)

Standing in a garage does not make you a car...

So, Marcia passed on an email today. I'd like to share the content with you, and then share my thoughts (of course! :D )...

My First Day In Heaven

I was shocked, confused, bewildered

As I entered Heaven's door,

Not by the beauty of it all,

Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven

Who made me sputter and gasp --

The thieves, the liars, the sinners

The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade

Who swiped my lunch money! Twice.

Next to him was my old neighbor

Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought

Was rotting away in hell,

Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,

Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?

I would love to hear your take.

How'd all these sinners get up here?

God must've made a mistake!

And why's everyone so quiet,

So somber - give me a clue.'

'Hush, child' He said, 'they're all in shock.

No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian,

any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

Every saint has a past...

Every sinner has a future!!!

To say that I am currently jazzed up, would be quite the understatement! :) How powerful the concept is!!! For the last...5 years, I think...I have attended churches that are not the "traditional" churches I attended in years before.

Meaning:

- No Sunday School

- No Sunday night services

- Wednesday night church is non-existent, or is a Bible study type deal rather than the traditional "service"

- No choir

Warning: The following is my opinion I do not expect everyone to agree with it, nor will I be angry if you think I'm crazy for thinking the way I do. It it simply the way I feel. :)

Let me start by saying, that as a person that always loved being a part of the choir, and all the fellowship that that involved, not having a choir was by far the hardest thing to adjust to - but I've adjusted :)

As far as Sunday School goes, you can ask Mama...I never cared very much for it. I used to go to the Single Women's class (when I was a child, and in the beginning of my teenage years) to avoid going into the class I was supposed to because of all the drama that was involved in those classes. And then when I got "of age," I began working in the nursery during the Sunday School hour, so I didn't have to go to Sunday School.

I'm certain everyone has not had the experience I have had, but, to my recollection, every Sunday School class I have ever been in - that was "age appropriate" - didn't do very much for me. The first half of the time was spent gossiping and filled with negativity. Then when the books were finally brought out, we would all go around the room, taking turns reading verses, spit out our "Sunday School Answers," say some empty prayer about God blessing everything and everyone, and off we'd go to church.

No one was transparent. No one talked about the real things in their life. Everyone spent more time talking about others, than they did sharing what was really on their heart. It wasn't a "safe space" and it wasn't a place for growth. Sunday school was simply something I did, because I was made to - because that was what was expected. If we had not gone to Sunday School while we went to a church that offered Sunday School - because we weren't getting anything out of it - we would have been ostracized by many.

The "go to church every time the doors are opened" theme is rampant back home, and personally, it drives me nuts. DO NOT HEAR ME INCORRECTLY, I am NOT saying that you shouldn't go to church when given the opportunity. However, going JUST BECAUSE IT IS WHAT IS EXPECTED is no better than not going at all.

There were many, many times that I was drug to church seething venom all the way, because I absolutely did not want to go, for whatever reason. Am I saying that Mama was wrong in making me go? No. But did it do me any good to go? No. If I am filled with anger, hurt, or just plain ignorance and stupidity, it is imperative that you take the time to sit down and deal with the issues I'm experiencing before you try to take me to church. If my heart is closed off because of something affecting it, it isn't going to be open to anything else coming in until the current "house guest" is booted out!

So many times, I think we get our eyes off the big picture, and worry too much about appearances.

You are not going to Hell, or be "knocked down a rung" for any of the following:

Keeping your newborn baby at home for the first month or two after he is born, rather than bringing him to church.

#1 - If you are sitting with your newborn in church, how much attention are you paying anyway?

#2 - All those germy people have no business being all up around your baby trying to give him Piggy Flu

#3 - If you have a newborn, you're probably running on little sleep - so how much attention are you paying?

Staying at home when you are sick, or just feeling puny in general.

#1 - If you're sick...STAY AT HOME! I would prefer you to miss one service, and be back 100% the next one, than to come to this service - just so you can say you came - and pass on your germ to the rest of us!

#2 - If you feel puny, stay home! If you're extremely tired, or if you just feel like you're not up to par, it's ok not to come to church. You can worship God right where you are! Because the deal isn't just "press on through and go to church." The problem is, that you have to get up, get dressed, drive to church, if you have Sunday School, you have to go to that, because if you go to one and not the other, you'll be talked about for that too, go to church - if you're in the choir, you have to sing, because "if you can make it to church, why can't you sing in the choir?" But it's still not over - you have to eat, so since you're already up, you just need to come on and go out to eat with us after church like we always do."

No. NO. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Those words might all come out of the mouths of the people that sit next to you at church, but they are lies straight from the pit of hell!!!

Now I come straight from the woman that talked to one of her nurses (this was many years ago) who called her, vomitting, from a payphone to tell her she wasn't going to be able to do any more visits that day, and Mama talked to her until she had stopped vomitting, and was "feeling so much better." By the grace of God, Mama could count on one hand the days she's missed work in her lifetime because she was sick (she's missed more days because something was wrong with me - my back surgery, emergency appendectomy, lithotripsy, etc . - and when she had to miss with me, she always went in after hours and made up for whatever she'd missed). The lady is not a slacker - in any sense of the word - but she even recognizes that there are times when it is simply time to give your body a break. Go to bed earlier. Sleep in later. Lift your finger for nothing. RELAX!

And if my mama can recognize that, then you better believe God can! And you wanna know why? BECAUSE HE SEES THE BIG PICTURE!!! He sees your heart! Going to church is not about impressing the people in your sunday school class, or in your church, or in the choir. It is about fellowship (being in God's presence and being on a "heart level," not gossiping) with other believers, worshipping with other saints, and soaking up all God has for you! Because..."where two or three are gathered..." :D God knows what's going on inside of you. I can guarantee you, that there have been Sunday's He's shown Himself much clearer to a person sick and in bed than He has to a person sitting in a pew because that's where they're supposed to be on Sundays.

*Hopping off my soapbox...*

In other news... :D

I have to tell you how excited I got yesterday!!! Mama got me a BEAUTIFUL (it's pink and chocolate colored!) Life Application Bible for my birthday! She's had one for a while, and I've enjoyed being able to read the extras over the years from her's, but a couple of months ago, I decided I wanted one of my own, so I could dig deeper in my own Bible, and have it all right here with me.

I started on Matthew yesterday afternoon, and I am sooooooooooooooo excited!!!

You see, as a child, sermons didn't always hold my attention... So I would open my Bible and read Ruth. It was just long enough to fill the time, but short enough that I could finish it before the sermon was over. And every time I read her story, I fell more in love with it. I never knew why I felt such a connection to Ruth, but she's always been my favorite woman in the Bible. Her story is fresh and new each time I read it!

Anyway, I began reading Matthew yesterday, and the first exciting news was that I finally understand why he lists everybody and His brother at the beginning of the book... :) The LAB explained how Matthew was writing the book to the Jews, and he was writing out the geneology from Abraham (the father of their faith) to Jesus, to prove He was who He said He was. (But when Luke wrote it out, he was writing to the Gentiles, so he traced it back to Adam, to prove that Jesus came for all people.)

"Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,

Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,

Obed the father of Jesse,

and Jesse the father of King David.

David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah's wife."

~Matthew 1:5-6

This scripture makes me POSITIVELY GIDDY!!!!!! Do you get it???

The first thing is, if Ruth had not followed the path God had for her, and obeyed the words that were spoken over her, Obed wouldn't have existed...and therefore Jesse wouldn't have come, and neither would King David - the man after God's own heart... :D :D :D :D :D

And then, if that doesn't just beat all, let's take it one step further, and note that not only is King David part of Jesus' "family tree," but SO IS BATHSHEBA!!! :D :D :D :D :D Not that I'm thrilled about what David or Bathsheba did, but to see, so very, very clearly, that God didn't make sure that His son was coming from a line of "perfect people." BECAUSE THAT WOULDN'T BE POSSIBLE ANYWAY!!! Because we're human!!! :D

What I'm trying to get at, is the fact that Jesus didn't come just to save the people that bathe daily, wear their very best to church, sit up straight with legs crossed, carry their Bible under their arm, and only associate with others that do the very same.

He also came for the people that only bathe when they can find a water source, or when the rains come down from Heaven, consider their best to be a shirt that only has a few small holes and stains, slouch as far into their seat as they can, have never touched a Bible, and hang out at bars.

We have to get over ourselves! Just because we have already gotten it, doesn't mean that we're any better than those who haven't! They are still people! And they are still God's children - even if they choose to turn their back on Him! And don't you think it breaks His heart when we treat His precious children like they are beneath us, or that they are not worthy, or worse yet, we simply pretend that they don't exist?!?!?!

..."Jesus loves the little children, ALL the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His site, Jesus loves the little children of the world..."

The song came to my head, and now God has given me a picture to go with it. The "world" in the song can mean what we've always accepted it to mean - that He loves all the little kids from all the different countries on earth. Or we can take it to mean what He really wants us to understand! :D

Ready?

I'm 24, and to my mama, I am still her child. I will be her child until the day I die. She will never see me as not being her child. And that's exactly how God is! The little children in the story, represent every human on the planet, and the "world" is exactly that - it is the world that has trapped His precious children, and the world He wants to save them from!!! WOOHOO!!!! How awesome is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?! :)

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO super excited!!!

Look how GREAT my God is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Love you all! :)

Pickles and Ice Cream

The kids and me on our "date night" Friday night :)

So...last week, and this past weekend were very long days... :) I worked seven straight, then had the weekend off, but to be perfectly honest, having the weekend off does not constitute having a day off.

Sharon and David had date night Friday night, so the kids and I had a sleepover in my room. We watched "Horton Hears a Who" and just enjoyed having the evening to ourselves. We got in bed a little later than the "norm," and then were awake by 7:15. We lounged around the room until 8:30 when we sat down to breakfast, and then it was out to the farm to care for the bunnies.

Oh yes! I haven't blogged about that yet, I don't think... Samantha has bunnies now. Well...WE have bunnies now. It takes an army...

Samantha&Aimee, Sharon&Clayrabelle and Me&Clae
This was on day one... :)

She is "showing" breeder bunnies and a meat pen for FFA. So, currently, we have 2 does (females) and 1 buck (male). The idea is that she has to have 3 identical baby bunnies to make a meat pen. The bunnies can have anywhere from 1 to 12 bunnies at a time. The younger they are, the more babies they tend to have. However, the younger they are, the more violent they tend to be to their young...starving them, eating them, and/or stomping on them until they kill them. (So sorry if you have just eaten before reading this...)

Our does are 6 months old. That means they have just become "of age" to breed. First time mothers are more apt to be not very nice to their babies than "seasoned" mothers. So we're all hoping and praying for the best with this whole situation.

Anyway, we have to go to the farm every day to take care of the bunnies. We have to wear thick pants, thick shirt, long socks (mine are soccer socks) on our arms - with thumb holes cut out so we can use our hands, and rubber boots.

It has been raining off and on for the past three weeks or so, so the barn is, to say the least, very icky. When you step into the barn, your boots just immediately begin to get sucked into the mud - I'm talking your shoe is in sticky mud 2 or 3 inches deep...it's like what walking in sinking sand would be like, I imagine... :P

Clae (prounounced Clay) is quite the calm bunny. He doesn't mind being held, he lets us get him out of his cage without any major drama, and is generally an easy-going fellow.

Clayrabelle doesn't like being transported. When she's in her cage she loves it. When she's in your arms she loves it. It's just that in between time. As soon as you open the door to her cage, she hops and crouches in the very back corner (when they're in the back corner, you can't reach them good enough to get them out - and they're smart enough to know this :D ). So, you have to stand at the door to her cage, pet her a while, and then slowly start moving your arm back to yourself. She will follow your hand, and if it's a good day, she'll come up and put her front legs up on your chest, and then it's just a matter of grasping her quickly, covering her eyes (that's what you do to make them feel "safe" - I don't know about y'all, but if someone went and put their hands over my eyes, the last thing I'd feel is safe! That's when I'd start kicking and bucking as if my life depended on it...but these bunnies are just plain strange! :) ), and pulling her very swiftly against your body. Then your golden. She's happy and you're happy. One big "hoppy" family - yeah...that joke hasn't gotten old yet! :D

Aimee...oh, Aimee... In one week, Aimee has tried to escape each and every time she's been held. She has been completely successful twice - once jumping straight out of Samantha's arms and into the mud in the middle of the barn (Samantha was walking around with her), and the second time straight out of Samantha's arms and into the middle of her "poopy spot." She tried to escape one day while Samantha was sitting down with her, and I thought Samantha was going to pull her legs off before it was over! :) She was holding on to her back legs for dear life, and that bunny was going wild! Finally she got enough grip on her and managed to get her clutched back in her arms and against her chest. Then another time David was holding her (while standing) and she made it halfway down his leg before he regained control. Basically, the bunny just doesn't wanna be messed with.

So today, the "bunny experts" came to the barn and talked to Sharon and Samantha - the kids were out of school today (Davis was there as well, but he told me, rather proudly, that while all those people were talking, he was playing in the puddles! :D) for two hours about what we're supposed to be doing with these bunnies. They looked at each of them, and they said that Clayrabelle and Aimee have not been held and loved on, so that's why they are so resistant to us. They encouraged them to continue our efforts, and that eventually they will be used to us and get with the program.

Anyway, we spent a while at the farm taking care of the bunnies, and while there, we found out that Clayrabelle was sick, so we had to call the bunny expert and figure out what to do about that. It was time to pre-treat the bunnies for ear mites - you put two drops of a mixture of baby oil and camphophenic in each ear once a month. Samantha was holding Aimee and Davis was holding Clae. Sharon put the drops in the bunnies ears, and then she and I were just hanging out watching the kids with the bunnies...and I'll let Davis' letter tell the rest... :)

"This is a true story about Samantha's bunnies and me. Mama had just put this ear bite prevention stuff in clay's ears when I felt a very very, warm feeling running trumendously quik down my freezing cold legs. It was a very awkward moment because I felt like I was peeing on myself but NO it was CLAY!!! I speedy quik ran in the van stripped down to nothing but a towl, cowboy hat, boots and sunglasses. When I got home I felt like dried and sticky molasses. So I cleaned not just up, but down too.

Signed,

The Very Humiliated and Sticky, DAVIS

PS. Clay is still my friend."

-I typed it exactly how it was written. And I tell you, that I laughed the whole time he was writing it this afternoon, and now I'm sitting here laughing again! And of course I laughed Saturday afternoon when it happened as well... Davis told me that I could share the picture with y'all, so here it is:


We went to the rodeo that afternoon/evening, and had a magnificent time! :) The Heartland Rodeo (here in Waco) is the "last stop" rodeo before the big kahuna rodeo in Las Vegas, so this is a pretty big deal! :) I thoroughly enjoy watching it all! It is definitely an art form.

Sunday was church day, and in true form, we went from sun up to sun down!

So I'm just now finally getting to catch you up - so sorry for the long post...but I have just a little bit more...if you can hang with me... :)

If you're wondering about the title of the blog, here it comes... :)

In the last week, especially this weekend, my heart is craving home. Never having been pregnant, I don't know for sure, but I would have to assume that the craving I have for home right now has to be very similar to that stereotypical "pickles and ice cream" pregnancy craving. I crave the smells, the sights, the sounds, the people, the culture.

I crave every minute aspect of it!

I cannot wait to be back at my church.
To sit in the living room with Mama and just be together - reading, talking, whatever - just being in the same room!
To eat supper with my family on Friday evenings, and to enjoy dinner with them on Sundays after church.
I can't wait to be back to help Marcia spray paint the ground, and prepare everything the night before Field Day, and to be there on Field Day to be right in the middle of it all!
I can't wait to be able to cook in my kitchen with my cooking utensils.
I can't wait to be able to plan the menu for the week!
I can't wait to watch something on a screen that's bigger than my laptop screen!
I can't wait to sleep in my bed!
I can't wait to be back in the middle of the fellowship in the church that has knelt before Him for me as I followed after the only One that could take my brokenness and turn it into beauty before Him, and the only One that could quench the thirst that was in my soul.

I am longing for home. And soon I will be there! :D

Thank you all so very much for praying for me, encouraging me, emailing and writing me, calling and texting me - reaching out just when I needed someone most, as I have traveled this road.

Sometimes the days seem so short, and others, it seems like forever 'til I'll be back in that "Georgia State of Mind"... :)

Love y'all more than I could ever hope to put into words! :)

And now, the rest of the story...

"Multiple Myeloma" by Mayo Clinic staff

Multiple Myeloma is a cancer of your plasma cells, a type of white blood cell present in your bone marrow. Plasma cells normally make proteins called antibodies to help you fight infections.

In Multiple Myeloma, a group of abnormal plasma cells (Myeloma cells) multiplies, raising the number of plasma cells to a higher than normal level. Since these cells normally make proteins, the level of abnormal proteins in your blood also may go up. Health problems caused by Multiple Myeloma can affect your bones, immune system, kidneys and red blood cell count.

Multiple Myeloma typically affects middle-aged or elderly persons. It accounts for 15% of all hematological malignancies. Approximately 15,000 new cases are diagnosed each year. Multiple Myeloma is more common in men than women, and in African Americans than Caucasians. Over 50,000 Americans are currently living with Multiple Myeloma.

On April 13, 2009 my aunt Diane was diagnosed with this rare form of cancer. Most of you already know this, but for those of you that don't, I wanted to provide you with a little background before going on.

Diane began chemotherapy in July, and just finished her last treatment September 18th. Friday, she will begin preparation for the stem cell collection, and will meet back with the doctor on the 20th for further planning.

Through it all, she has been a pillar of strength, a shining light in the midst of the darkness that is trying to surround and overtake her. Satan absolutely had no idea who he was messing with when he sent his little sickness demons to Diane - but God knew! :) God knew that she was going to come straight to Him! To come running into His arms, and lean on Him through it all! Pointing everyone that came into her path right back to Him! Being more of a witness than pastors, evangelists or missionaries, simply by "living out loud!"

The Monday following her last treatment, as I was preparing to go to work, God gave me a very powerful picture regarding Diane. I immediately called and shared it with Mama, and she was also touched by what He had shown me. That Friday afternoon, I was off work, and I had some time alone with God, just soaking Him in, and enjoying the rest, when He began expounding on the picture. I opened up the laptop, and He poured the words into my heart, and out my fingertips.

I would like to share with you what He shared with me, and ask that you join our family in praying for Diane as she travels this journey:

And now, the rest of the story

He is seated at His desk. His white robe billowing out around Him, and His hair shining and flowing around His shoulders - He is the picture of peace. He has a book opened in front of Him and He reaches out to adjust the ink well before picking up His quill to begin writing where He left off. He dips the quill into the well, and leans into the book - tenderness, compassion and excitement etched into His face - as if this is the single most important thing He will ever write.

He pauses, takes a deep breath, and decides to take a look back before He moves on. As He reads through the pages that contain the happenings of her last six months, He has tears flowing down His face - He is reliving the fear, apprehension, pain, hurt, nervousness, and joy she has felt during that time.

He plays back the clips, in His mind's eye, of the times He has sat and held her, catching the tears she cried in His hand, and closing them over His heart. Her pain has been His pain, her joy has been His too. He remembers the sleepless nights, and the long days when He held her hand as she prayed to Him. He thinks on the times she has poured out her heart - her questions, longings, dreams and desires - as she has poured words out into her journal, and notes out of her piano. Oh the joy! Oh the beauty of her worship to Him! How it makes His heart sing!

As He looks over at the Father and He nods, letting Him know that He too has seen and felt and been there through it all, their faces shine with glory, and an excitement is tangible in the air around them. You see, what they both know is that this is only the beginning. This season has been preparation for all that is to come! She has gathered many lessons during this time, and will now go out into this world as a shining light - stronger than she's ever been before, because she's come to lean on them more than she ever has.

She has touched many lives to this point, but the lives that will be touched in the future far surpass anything she could imagine. She will now be able to impact people she never would have had the opportunity to meet, before this time.

Oh yes, this story has only just begun.

If you know me at all...

...you will understand just how amazing the following story is... :)

So, here it is. Last Saturday night, Sharon, David, Davis and I were supposed to go to the Baylor football game. Davis was SUPER EXCITED about it, because lots of his friends were supposed to be there, and so he had been looking forward to it for WEEKS!

Well, that afternoon, it started raining cats and dogs, and Sharon broke the news to him that we probably wouldn't be going, because it was raining much too hard. He got extremely upset, so Sharon told him that we would go ahead with everything as planned, and just see what happened.We packed up our "tailgating picnic" (cold chicken, PB&Js, pasta salad, pickles and grapes and headed on over.

Thankfully, it had stopped gushing and was just drizzling by the time we got to the stadium. They were having something called "Touchdown Alley" for the kids before the game, and that started at 3:30 - we got there at 3:45, and there was hardly anyone there - the game started at 6...

At 5, we headed back to the van, got out our picnic, and sat in the van to enjoy our delicious supper. As we were eating, the rain started getting harder, and about halfway through our dinner, the bottom fell out. (Needless to say, at this point, I was VERY sorry that I had not either #1 - just stayed at home, or #2 - brought my own car... :P ) However, Sharon had different plans - she had packed ponchos - we were going to see this game no matter what. We "poncho'd up" inside the van, and tucked our stadium seats up under the ponchos so they would stay dry as we walked through the flood waters to the stadium (FYI - we had to park in a grassy field that had quickly turned into a marshland with the rain; also, if you've never witnessed central-Texas rain...well, let's just say I hope you don't ever have to... :) Anyway, here, even a little bit of rain leads to deep water everywhere, because here in Waco, we're in the pits - meaning that we are like a little bowl that is sunken down past everyone else, so the rain has nowhere else to go, and just puddles on us - our backyard can "flood out" if it rains for a good 30-45 minutes).

Off we went, wading through the highwaters to Floyd Casey Stadium - home of the Baylor Bears. Also, I had made the mistake of wearing jeans on this outing, as it was VERY cold, and I had dressed accordingly for the cold...not so much for the rain. So, reaching down deep and finding my inner-80s child, I rolled my jeans up, letting my converse (no, they aren't hightops :D) shine...along with my blindingly white legs :D...as we traveled to the stadium.

When we finally made it all the way around the forever-long fence to the ticket gate, and under the heaven-sent awning, David went off in search of something, and Davis began urging Sharon and I to go with him to find our seats. We finally gave in, seeing that the rain had somewhat slacked off, walked up the ramp, and the MINUTE our feet touched the concrete, the rain began pounding us! It was blowing sideways, and it felt like hail as it slammed into our poor, unsuspecting bodies! :( It HURT! We all quickly turned tail and ran right back down the ramp!

We ran into David, and as he and Sharon stood there debating on what to do, Davis was begging them to stay and watch the game, and I was praying with everything in me that God would deliver me from this horrendous situation! Unfortunately, He had other plans for me that evening, and they made the decision to go on back out and see how long we could tolerate it. Thankfully, by the time we got settled (having kept our wonderful stadium seats under our ponchos the entire time, we swung them around to our backsides - them still under the ponchos - and lowered ourselves to sitting, so we at least had dry bottoms! :)

Thankfully, a little before the end of the first quarter, the rain slacked off, and by halftime, it had stopped all together. It sprinkled on us a little bit toward the end of the 3rd, but we stuck it out through the entire game, to see Baylor beat the Kent State somebody or others 35-21 (I believe... :) ).

Sharon also spent the first half of the game explaining football to me, so by the second half, I rather enjoyed watching it, and was really getting into it! :)

So there ya go. One more thing to mark off my "bucket list"...

#1,987, 642 - Watch a football game in the pouring rain ;)

Love y'all!

What we, here in Hewitt, call "drowned rats"... :)

Well, duh!

Ok...I think in the last update I promised that I would soon share with you some of the stuff that God has been planting in my heart...so here goes (and then we'll get to the other good stuff! :D )

If you've known me for a while, you should know that I LOVE children, and I LOVE the elderly, it's just those "in-between" ages that throw me for a loop. Some of my favorite memories are from working in the nursery at the various churches I have attended, volunteering at the daycare for the children of the NEGMC employees and volunteering at New Horizons North (the nursing home on Limestone Pkwy in Gainesville). There is just something so awesome about people in those two age categories - and there is sooooooooooooo much to learn from them, as well! I have always had a special net cast around me when it comes to dealing with teenage females (even when I was one) - they are just a different breed of human, and for me and my personality, it takes a lot for me to reach them, cause I just don't understand them - all of the drama, upheaval, he said/she said, fussing, feuding, etc. Maybe the problem is that since I spent a lot of time playing at Mama's office, with her and her coworkers while they were working, that I never really went through that phase.

I have always felt quite a bit older than others my age - sidenote: when writing "the list" with God this summer on the future husband, the line regarding age that He allowed me to write down was, "If he is younger than me, or the same age as me - he will be mature beyond his years." (I wanted to put "older than me" but He wouldn't allow that :P) I just haven't had much luck finding guys that are my age, that are quite on the same wavelength with me... As I told Mama this summer when she was here and we were having this conversation - I feel like a 30-40 something, with a 23 year old's birthdate. I'm thinking about settling down with husbands, houses, children and ministry, and most people my age are thinking about school, dating, networking, and what they're doing this weekend. I'm just not there. And I really never have been.

Saying all that to say this : God has planted a PASSION - an URGENT passion - for girls (12-18 specifically) to give them the message that God has given me this summer, and during the writing of the book. I don't know all the details of what it's gonna look like, or how it's gonna shape up, I just know it's supposed to happen. And I know it is definitely a God thing, because I NEVER would have chosen such a thing on my own. But, in true God fashion, now that it's in my heart, I'm totally on fire and ready to go with it! :)

And now for the "Well, duh!" moment... :)

Many of you may already know what I'm about to tell you. It might be rooted deep in your heart, and it might just have been a fleeting thought on a cold dark night when you were alone looking at the stars. For me, I've heard it MANY times through the years, but it just took root over the past week or so.

Are you ready? :)

I am here, because God has a purpose for me.

Haha! :) How do you like that? Did you realize that? Do you realize and understand that NOTHING you do in this life is insignificant?

Get ridiculous with me for a moment:

I need to eat breakfast. In the cabinet, I have cereal and I have muffins. I am really craving cereal, but there's just enough milk for my cereal, and I am supposed to be making a dish for dinner that requires milk. So, if I eat the cereal and use the milk, I will have to go to the store and buy more milk, or I could just have the muffins. I decide that I really want the cereal, and I'll just make the trip to the store. So I have my breakfast, and head to the store. When I get to the store, I run into a girl I haven't seen since graduation. We stop and talk for a while, and she tells me about how she just doesn't feel like she's getting anywhere. She doesn't feel like she's accomplished anything, and wonders if she ever will. I take the time to stop and talk to her, share my story with her, allowing her to see how God used the things I thought were pretty insignificant and turned them into something pretty amazing. Then I pray with her, and we part ways. I get to the end of aisle and run into the lady from church that is in charge of VBS. I ask her how things are going with sign-ups and she explains that she is still looking for someone to handle supper, and needs someone to help out with the physical activity portions of each evening. I tell her that I'll be happy to help with the suppers, and I'm sure Mama would be happy to help as well, and then tell her that I'll talk with my aunt who is a PE coach and see if she'd be interested in helping with the activities. She thanks me for offering and we part ways, with me assuring her that I'll get back with her by the end of the day to confirm everything. I finally make it to the milk, pick up my gallon and head to the counter. On the way, I pass the display of cards, and I remember that my friend's birthday is in a few days, and I pick up a card and a gift and to the counter I go. When I get there, my cashier looks like she just lost her best friend, so I greet her with a smile, hello and a sincere "How are you doing?" She answers, telling me that her grandmother was put in the hospital last night, and they don't know if she's going to make it to the end of the week. I tell her how sorry I am to hear that, then (looking at her name badge) call her by name, and tell her that I will be praying for her family during this time. She thanks me, and has a slight smile on her face as I go on my way.

Yes...I am aware that was a rambly story. But look at what I just encountered:
1 - The girl from high school that was feeling down and out, but left feeling an uplift in her spirit, and knowing that there was someone else out there that had been down the same path
2 - The stressed VBS coordinator who left feeling light, knowing that she was able to cross a few things off of her extremely long list of to dos.
3 - The hurting cashier, who was worried and anxious, but now knows that someone out there cared enough to call her by name, and is now carrying some of her burden.

...and all that because I chose to eat cereal for breakfast. :)

Do you get it???? Please tell me you do! :D

EVERYTHING MATTERS!!! There is NOTHING that does not matter! The fact that I am sitting here typing this blog matters. Because I fully believe that God is going to use this and touch someone's heart! He's going to do to you what He's been doing to me this week! :) I promise you that your ENTIRE world will turn upside down when you realize that you are still walking this earth, only because God isn't finished with you! :) Your life truly has a purpose! And every part of your life somehow impacts something else! :) I am so pumped right now just typing it!!! :D I want this to light a fire under your tushy! :) Not to make you turn into some psycho that doesn't do anything without analyzing it completely because you have to make sure that it's going to have a grand impact on the world, but instead, to make you want to live your life as fully and completely and energetically as possible, so you can make the most impact.

Don't worry your life away. And don't overthink. If you get an urge (of course, I'm assuming that you understand the difference in "good" urges and "bad" urges :) ), do it. If you have the urge to take your children/grandchildren to the park and play for a while. Make the time and do it. If you have the urge to cook a romantic dinner for your spouse/fiance DO IT! If you have the urge to run up to a friend and give them a HUGE hug - DO IT! If you have the urge to pay for the couple's dinner that's sitting across the restaurant - DO IT! If you have the urge to send a card to a friend that you haven't gotten to talk to lately - DO IT! If you have the urge to visit a friend or family member you haven't seen in a while - DO IT! God WANTS to use YOU to bless OTHERS!!! :D All He wants from you is a willing heart - He'll provide the rest. He'll stretch the hours in your day, stretch the dollars in the bank, stretch the love in your heart. Let Him. :)

I'll step down from my soapbox now... :)

At the Anne Graham Lotz seminar, at the end of one of the talks, she asked for those to stand up that knew God was calling them to something and they were having a hard time saying yes and doing it. For perhaps the first time in my life, I didn't have to stand up! :D Can I tell you how awesomely amazing that moment felt for me? As I sat there, tears pouring down my face, realizing that, for right now anyway, I've got it! I'm following after Him as hard as I physically can, and in the moments I can't do it anymore, I tell Him He's gonna have to carry us both, and not just hold my hand as I go through it! And He does! He picks me up, holds my head close to His heart and runs through the fire for me! :)

I was sharing with a friend on Friday, how I believe if I went through my God-journals (to explain that category, I have my journals to God, my journal to the Future Husband, my "dream" and "todo" journal... :) ), that the thing that would come up more than anything, would be the times that I am completely wrapped up in Him, and I can physically feel His arms around me - whether it be at church, LifeGroup, in my room, the living room, in the car, at work, wherever! There are times when I feel His hands on my shoulder. Where I feel his arms around my back, where I feel his legs under mine, and his chest against my back, and know that I am sitting in His lap. He is REAL, y'all! He is HERE! And all He wants is us to love Him more than we love anything else - more than our spouses, children, family, friends, wealth, career, health, favorite pasttime - He wants us to love Him first. He doesn't want our leftovers. Don't get me wrong, He'll take whatever you give Him, and He'll take it happily. But the joy you'll experience from giving to Him first will never be matched anywhere else.

And another lesson is this: it doesn't matter how you get with God. You don't have to have a specific place, or time, or day. You don't have to have your eyes closed. You don't have to read your Bible. You don't have to listen to "God music." No doubt that all those things can sometimes help you "get" there. But you can have moments with God wherever, whenever! He is ALWAYS with you!!! He's just waiting on you to get it! :)

I have a lot more I intended to type up, but I think that this is what I want to leave you with right now. God loves you. He wants all of you. And it's true - you can never out give God. You give Him all of your heart, and you'll find that you have more love in there than you ever thought you have. You give Him your worries, and you'll find you're more "go with the flow" than you've ever been. You give Him your regrets and past hurts, and He'll redeem them - He'll use them through you to help others! You give Him your finances and He'll bless others and you through it! He's all over it! :)

I love you all! :)

More to come, soon! :)

"Heaven is the Face"

Steven Curtis Chapman has a new single out - recently released - and he has an album "Beauty Will Rise" out November 3rd. The song isn't where I can put it on the blog page for your listening pleasure, but I want you to read the lyrics. The album was born from his pain, grief and sadness, but also screams of hope and excitement for eternity! :D

Heaven is the face of a little girl with dark brown eyes that disappear when she smiles
And Heaven is the place where she calls my name, says, "Daddy please come play with me for awhile."

God, I know, it's all of this and so much more, but God, You know that this is what I'm aching for. God, You know, I just can't see beyond the door. So right now...

Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep, lying on my chest falling fast asleep while I sing.
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms, being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams.

And God, I know, it's all of this and so much more, but God, You know that this is what I'm longing for. God, You know, I just can't see beyond the door.

But in my mind's eye I can see a place where Your glory fills every empty space. All the cancer is gone, every mouth is fed and there's no one left in the orphan's bed. Every lonely heart finds their one true love, and there's no more goodbye, and no more not enough, and there's no more enemy (no more).

Heaven is a sweet maple syrup kiss, and a thousand other little things I miss with her gone.
And Heaven is the place where she takes my hand, and leads me to You, and we both run into Your arms.

Oh God, I know it's so much more than I can dream. It's far beyond anything I can conceive.
So God You know I'm trusting You until I see...

Heaven in the face of my little girl...
Heaven in the face of my little girl...

How incredible is that song??? If you haven't gotten a chance to hear it yet, please make a way to do so! There's so much good stuff all over it! You don't have to have a child, or have lost a child tragically to be touched by the words in this song. I play the bridge: "But in my mind's eye, I can see a place where Your glory fills every empty space. All the cancer is gone, every mouth is fed and there's no one left in the orphan's bed. Every lonely heart finds their one true love, and there's no more goodbye, and no more not enough. And there's no more enemy (no more)" over and over again - how powerful the picture that is painted with those words! :)

On another note, we (Sharon, Samantha and I - and 10,000 other people) attended Anne Graham Lotz "Just Give Me Jesus" conference tonight. It continues tomorrow from 8:30-12 and 2-5. (I'll miss the first half of the day because I have to work, but I'll make it to the second half)

It was INCREDIBLE!!! I will have PLENTY of thoughts and ideas to share from it later, but right now I'm about to crash! :) And of course, there is another idea that God has birthed in me over the last few weeks that He confirmed tonight. So, of course, I'll want to share that with you as well - but I must sleep, or I'll be sleeping through tomorrow's seminar, and not learning very much! :)

I love you all, and hope you're having an incredible weekend! :)

A quick update :)

So...last night, I hate to admit, but I had a "doubt" session ...

***The only reason I am sharing the following information is because it is crucial to the rest of the story... :) ***

You see, I LOVE my job. I have liked jobs I have had before this, and have sincerely enjoyed some of them. But I LOVE this one.

I started work on February 28th, as a cashier.

In March I received "Employee of the Month" for the Front End - cashier, guest services, cart attendants, food service department

In April they started training me for "Food Avenue" - which is our little cafe type thing, where we do breakfast, lunch and dinner - very basic, but soooooooooooooo much fun!!! :D

In June I received "Employee of the Month" for the Front End again.

At the end of July, they began training me for Clerical - the payroll, scheduling, paperwork side of things

August 28th marked my "Six Month Anniversary" :)

The week before last they trained me for Price Accuracy - this is the "markdown/clearance" team.

Last week they started training me for the Service Desk - Marcia's favorite place in any store, cause that's where you return things! :D (I love you, Marcia! :D )

And then yesterday, while I was working in the Clerical department, Joann (the HR Director, and the supervisor over the Clerical department) informed me that the ETL (Executive Team Leads-there are 5 of them) had met earlier in the week to talk about who would be the "Great Team Hero" for the month of September, and then in the Team Lead meeting on Friday, they had opened up the floor for the Team Leads (there are 15 of them) to nominate people from their departments they thought should get the award. She said that one of the team leads mentioned my name, and it was a unanimous decision around the table that it would go to me. Needless to say, as I sat there listening to her, tears were pooling in my eyes, and then they began to pour down my face. She said, "Vanessa! Are you crying?!?!" And I told her yes. I was completely overwhelmed. I don't do anything I do at the store because I want to be recognized, or because I want to "win points" with the ETLs and the TLs. I do it simply because I absolutely LOVE my job. She said, "I know. And that is what makes it even greater! And if you don't stop crying, I'm gonna be crying with you!" She walked over and gave me a hug, and Jerry (another of the ETLs) was sitting in the room, and he said, "Let's just make it a group hug!" It was an awesome moment! I sat in awe at how God had orchestrated the entire thing from the beginning, and how he had brought so much fruit out of it in such a short time! :) It's incredible what happens when we really listen to him...huh? :)

So...back to the story...

After all that, I came home last night questioning God. Basically, all I was saying was, "God...did I really hear you say that I was to go back to Georgia the last weekend in January, or was I just wanting to go back so badly I made it all up myself?" I asked it. I prayed it. I cried it out. I begged for an answer. I reread journal entries from that time. I reread blog entries. I reread emails I had gotten from all of you. I searched and I searched and I searched, but I still went to sleep with a heavy heart. I kept telling Him that I just didn't understand why He would put me in such an incredible place in my job, only to take it away less than a year from when I started. And furthermore, I didn't understand why He would put me in a job that I was head over heels for, and then yank it away from me. (Not that I'm just dying to be in a job that makes me miserable or anything, right now, but I was just telling Him that if I had indeed heard Him correctly on the end of January thing, then it would have been nice if He wouldn't have put me in such an incredible place now... :P lol)

So...I finally shut up trying to tell God how to run things, and I went to sleep.

I woke up this morning, and while I was getting ready for church, a friend of mine had called and left me a message. She said that God had put me on her heart all morning, and that during the service (she goes to the 8:30 with her family - she's 40 with two children and I love her entire family dearly!) she felt like God was giving her something to tell me. She said, "You know I don't do too well with these 'words' and all, but since it's for you, I'm gonna go ahead and give it to you, and if it is totally off base, I know you'll tell me and forgive me. But God wants you to know that you just need to stay on the path He set before you. Don't doubt and don't be worried. Just follow the path in front of you, and keep going where He told you to go. He loves you and has many great plans for your future. Just keep going forward. I love you girl!"

Yeah...anyone else smiling right now? :) Isn't it incredible how quickly God answers prayers and sends us confirmation?!?! :)

But that's not all! (And now I feel like I sound like an infomercial...lol)

I got another message on my phone from another close friend passing on another word, basically telling me that God said that everything is on His timetable, and it will all happen exactly when it is supposed to happen! :D

Yeah...once again...that's not all! :D

Got into the service, and the song set was INCREDIBLE!!! I was bawling like a baby, with the entire top of my shirt soaked in tears by the end of the first song, and it continued until the end of the service. I was so completely overwhelmed by God's love for me! The songs went straight to the bottom of my heart, and He just sat there and held me, rocked me and loved on me. It was awesome.

But there's still one last thing... :)

Then Jimmy got up and brought the message. He talked about how God has much for our lives, but that we have to give up our whole life to receive the whole life of Jesus. That He wants to give it all to us, but we have to let go of the "treasures" we store up. Whether it be people, or hobbies, or entertainment, or even our jobs... ("Vanessa....are you listening to me down there...? :) )

So...there you have it. I'm coming home the last weekend of January. God said it. And I'm obeying. I'm not willing to disobey and take 100 steps back. So...I'll say my goodbyes to these beautiful children, the friends I've made, and the job I love so much when the time comes. But God will be right by my side through it all. And when I get upset, He'll give me some extra love and affection, hold me tight, pick me up and carry me through it. We'll drive back to Georgia together, and when I arrive, I'll be able to see, at least a little, what all He has in store for me! I feel it in my heart - there are big things coming! In some ways, it absolutely scares me to death. And in other ways, it makes me so excited I can hardly sleep at night! The unknown is terrifying, but completely exhilarating!

One other thing I'll mention (cause I don't think I have before...) before I sign off for the evening.

A couple of weeks ago...we'll it's probably been about a month ago now...I felt like God was telling me that I was supposed to get a journal, and I was supposed to write entries to the Future Husband. I thought it was one of the crazier things God had told me to do, because I don't even know this man, and God wants me writing to him?!?!? So we had to have a long sit down talk, and He explained to me that this was to be something that I poured my heart into, was raw, emotional and real. Share my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my anxious thoughts, my fears... That this would be a journal for my FH, God and me. That this would be my gift to him, the day after we become engaged. This will allow him to see me, my heart, and the growth that God is orchestrating in me. And it will be something we can go back to in the years ahead, to see how God paved the way. After He got me straightened out on all that, I was onboard. :D

I bought the journal a few weeks ago, but didn't begin writing in it until September 1st - which by the way, was also the day that I realized I had exactly one month left until I'd be 24...I know those of you that are older than that are probably groaning, but man...when I realized that I'd soon be halfway to 50, it made me stop for a moment. Then I looked back and realized how far I had come in such a short amount of time, thanked God that He had seen fit to figure me all out before the beginning of the world, shook it off and got on with my day! :) I have filled up 8-10 pages this week, and each time I write in it, it is completely indescribable what God does in that time. The things He softly whispers to me. The way He draws my heart nearer to this man I've never met. The way He builds up and encourages the dreams for the future that are in His will for my life, and the way He gently helps me to loosen my fingers on the ones that aren't in His plan. Amazing. Incredible. Awesome. God. :)

So. I think you're all caught up now. :)

Happy Labor Day - tomorrow! :D I work 8-12, and then get to come to the house and be with the family. Samantha wants to french braid my hair...I can't wait to see what comes of this, since it doesn't even reach my shoulders, and is stacked in the back. But hey - I'm all for having someone play with my hair, so let her have at it! :D Then they want to go on a bike ride tomorrow evening...I'm trying to figure out how safe Spooky would be inside a backpack (with it unzipped and on backwards so he'd be in front, of course! :D )...I hate to leave him behind, but the pink carrier that I use when we walk isn't supportive enough for me to steer my bicycle and hold onto him too...we'll just have to see, I guess... :) I'll let you know what comes of it! :)

One more thing. I've got a few "little bits" that I'd like to ask you to pray for. Not things I want to list here on the web for the whole world to see, but things I'd like to have all of my faithful prayer warriors lifting up on my behalf. There are 4 things. God knows them well, because I've been hounding Him about all of it for a month or so now - but He doesn't mind! :) Cause He loves me like CRAZY, and He delights in me. And He made me, and my quirks, so He gets me! :D

Love you all! :)