September 2008

And now the story begins…

So...
I am just going to dive right in. I am not going to reread the newsletter from July before sending this one. So, I apologize in advance if I happen to repeat myself. :)

Just when you think it can’t get any better…

It always does! :) God is so good to us, and so completely fills us! I know it shouldn’t, but it absolutely amazes me when all of the little pieces start coming together!

One day I told Sharon that I wasn’t sure that this move even had anything to do with them, that it might have just been God’s way of getting me out of my rut, and lighting a fire underneath me! :) Since then, I have decided that God is the most awesome multi-tasker to ever exist, and He can bring a million things out of just one event! So I can’t wait to see what all comes out of this – their faithfulness to give up their “comfortable” life, pack up their memories, leave their family and friends, and move halfway across the country! And allow an extra person to tag along! :)

The Church Can Change The World… by Jimmy Seibert

Jimmy Seibert, the pastor here at Antioch released a book The Church Can Change The World, just three weeks after we got here. They announced it during the service that morning, as somewhat of a history of Antioch. We thought it sounded like a pretty good idea to find out about the history of the church we were attending, so we got a copy of the book so we could pass it around and read it. Sharon read it all the way through, and then decided that we should read it as a family.

So, we read one chapter a day for the next 16 days, and had our socks blown off! It was absolutely amazing! All the signs and wonders that have been experienced! The lives that have been changed ALL OVER this earth! The homes, communities, tribes, cities, nations that have been stirred up!!! WOW!!!

Every day, as we finished reading our chapter, it was customary that Davis would look at me and say, “Vanessa, are you ready?” and I would say, “Yep! Let’s go pack our bags!” Davis and I decided early on that we couldn’t believe we were still sitting here in our living room just reading about all this stuff, when we could be out there experiencing it all firsthand! But then we decided it was probably wise to continue going through the needed channels to be appropriately trained before trying to pull a “Superman” move, and take it all on ourselves! :) But still! Just to see the excitement in that child’s eyes each time we would read of God’s mercy and grace….WOW! :)

Following is a poem, written by Carl Gulley (the pastor of the College Ministry here), it is how the book wraps up, and it is how they ended the sermon two weeks ago. As powerful as it was when we read it in the book, I cannot even begin to accurately express how awesome it was to experience it corporately during worship… Good stuff! :)

Otherness
Written By Carl Gulley

Otherness. That’s what we’re all about. Not trying to be like anyone or anything else. Just Jesus. It makes us look like aliens. Because the way we love is unusual. Our words bring tears of laughter and solace. Our music and dance are fueled by a different drummer – and a better One at that. The fruit? A different song. A different value system, Not pushing the edge of sin and hell. Not OK with status quo. A place where beneficial vs. permissible is clearly understood. And no one even wants the boundary line. We would much rather lunge out to the Kingdom’s cutting edge…which is heaven’s arms. Sitting on His lap is fine with me. His heart beat rhythmically puts me at rest. Not apathetic slumber that leads to poverty. But deep love that thrusts to Nineveh. Macedonians are still calling. And Ethiopians are still asking for someone to come and help them understand. And how do we know this?

For we look into a different pair of eyes. Not just the window to His soul. But a magnifying glass of theirs. Look again: His tears aren’t clear – and they don’t taste like salt. They’re colorful banners of the nations…and taste like the blood that was shed for them. A tear trickles down and I see Sri Lanka. Another hangs in the corner of His eye and deep inside it I see a Sudanese lady worshipping over the family that just abandoned her. Here comes three more: Canada, France, Mexico. As He wipes His eyes, I see the colors of Morocco, Russia, Scotland, and China on the palms of His hands. And where do those tears go? Stored in a bottle. Not just ‘a’ bottle; but ‘The’ bottle. The one that held the cries of the saints of Germany. The one that held the deep secrets of Thailand’s orphans, America’s addicts, and Indonesia’s widows. The groans from North Korea’s underground church. And South Korea’s prayer mountain. All in the bottle. Waiting for me to open my hands so He can pour them out. Why would He trust us with these treasures? These precious children of His? Because He calls us family. And He can trust us. Because we’ve seen the otherness of God. And long for more. For if You, God, were the same as the rest, You wouldn’t be holy. And my unholiness craves Your holiness. Your cleansing. You. In the process, we have become ‘other.’ And the importance of that? So many stories are being told. Vying for my affections. My passions. My heart.

But I refuse to be caught up in the small stories that seem brilliant at the moment, but soon become faded glory. I desire to be taken into His story. Into your great plot for me and mankind. So I leap into the chariot of fire and ask for humility and courage to leave it all behind: NO MATTER THE COST! Because you deserve it. And they need it. Because I love You. And they need You. And the Spirit and the Bride are still crying out, ‘Come, Lord Jesus’ And you will. You always do.

Wow…the picture the imagery paints is absolutely stunning!

He does call us family! He does trusts us with His children that are hurting and crying out for help! And even though He doesn’t need us, He does allow us to be His hands and feet – all we have to do is open ourselves up and be willing to be used! :)

So easy…and yet so many times, we make it into something that is so hard…

In Other News…

I have found my LifeGroup ‘home.’

As you all know from the last newsletter, I had started going to one of the college LifeGroups – that’s where I had my “AH-HA GOD Moment” – and after that experience, and the fact that the people that were in the group were really nice, genuine people, I just assumed I had found my LifeGroup. Over the next few weeks, I began to feel quite a bit unsettled about calling that LifeGroup mine. It wasn’t that any part of it was bad, it was just that somehow, it didn’t feel like me. So I began to pray, and seek God’s face on what in the world I needed to do! I want so badly to be a part of a LifeGroup, and to start planting my roots down in one. The main reason I didn’t feel like this one was for me, was simply because I am not in college. And for that part, even when I was in college, I didn’t go through any of the “normal” college life stuff. I lived at home, worked full time, and didn’t hang out with any of the people I went to school with. I strictly went to school to learn, and did not socialize or become a part of anything that most think of when they think “college.” So…I just felt a little “out of the loop.” I am not in the same stage as life as these people, though I am their age.

I was in a bit of a quandary, because I didn’t think I had many other options. I could join the rest of the family for “family LifeGroup” – which is great, but there are families – Mommies, Daddies and their children; which is not a bad thing, but the closest people to my age would be 14 and mid-thirties, and once again, that isn’t really where I am in this stage of my life. Then there is the “Caleb LifeGroup,” which is for those who are enjoying the sunsets of life…so in those groups, there would be a good 30-40 years between me and the youngest people. I felt like I was hitting a brick wall, and was just thanking God that the college LifeGroup was suspended for the rest of the summer due to mission trips and people coming back into town to settle back into their college life.

One Friday night, Amanda called and asked me if I could come over for a while.

Sidenote…

Amanda, if you’ll remember from the last newsletter, is the girl that invited me to the college LifeGroup. She and I became very quick friends, and spend at least one day of the week together, if not more. She’s just an awesome person, and an amazing woman of God. We have so much in common, and I feel truly blessed to have her friendship. She was one of the main reasons I was not looking forward to leaving the college LifeGroup. I really enjoyed having her around, and didn’t want to go to another group without her.Oh how God listens, and responds, to the heart’s cries of His children! :)

Back to the story…

So I got over there that night, and she looked like she was sick. I wasn’t exactly sure why she had called me over if she wasn’t feeling well, so I quickly asked her if she was sure she needed to have company. She assured me that she wanted me there, but first she needed to talk with me about something pretty important.
***I was at a loss…I knew we had become fast friends, but how on earth could we already be having a “pretty important” conversation…***
She began to tell me how she had been praying a lot over the last several weeks, and she just felt that she was not supposed to lead or attend the college LifeGroup anymore. She said that God had just pressed on her heart that that is not where she was in her life anymore, and therefore she needed to find a new ‘home.’ The more she talked, the ickier she looked, and the happier I became! (This was an answer to my prayers!!!) She began to say that she wasn’t very happy with this development, because she really thought God had said from the beginning that she and I were supposed to stick together, and that great things would come out of our friendship, and she had been questioning God on how that was supposed to happen if he was tearing up apart. Finally, she breathed long enough for me to begin telling her about where I had been in my quandary. And how I really didn’t feel like I belonged in that LifeGroup, but I didn’t realize there were any other options. She then opened my eyes to another LifeGroup ministry – Young Adults! :) PERFECT!!! We decided that we would go visit the following Wednesday night at a group that contained many of the people we had been drawn to in the weeks beforehand – the people we had been hanging out with and getting to know.

We went that first Wednesday night, and it was amazing. We’ve now been three weeks, and I have never felt more at home with a group of people in my life. Of course, the only problem now is – well, it really isn’t a problem, but a blessing :) - that now the LifeGroup is growing so rapidly – we had 16 there the first week we visited, and yesterday there were 29 – that soon we are going to be ‘multiplying,’ and a decision will have to be made as to which group we will belong to after the multiplication.

The people are just so genuinely interested in everything about one another. And when you have conversation, and they ask you a question, they really want to know the answer. And they remember what you say, too! :) It is just so awesome, and totally blows me away! The sense of community and acceptedness (yeah – probably not a word, I know) is so overwhelming at times, that I just have to take a step back and center on God. How awesome that He not only brought me into a body that cares for one another, and accepts you just as you are, but He is giving me this smaller community that just breathes new life into one another. The amount of encouragement and love in that group just astounds me!

Thank You God! :)

How Sweet the Sound…

This past Sunday, we began a series on grace. It will last for 6 weeks, and Sunday alone already amazed me, so I can only imagine what is to come… :)

The church is sending out an E-Devotional each morning, so we will all corporately be “on the same page” throughout the week, and be ready to go on Sunday mornings! :) I decided to forward the devotional on to a few that I didn’t think would mind getting a devotional every day for the next 6 weeks :) - and I just thought it would be really cool to all be reading and thinking on the same stuff, at the same time.

***If you would be interested in receiving the devotional, let me know and I will catch you up on the ones you’ve missed, and add you to the daily send out :)

Each day, as I have sent the devotional along, God has given me thoughts or examples from my life to share. Following is yesterday’s email:

As you (should) know, I have never really cared for the song "Amazing Grace" - as "unAmerican", "unChristian" and "unSouthern",etc as that sounds. I have always blamed it on the fact that I grew up Southern Baptist, and went to a LOT of funerals as a child...and at every funeral, "Amazing Grace" was played. As a youngster, I began to associate "Amazing Grace" with death, and decided that I didn't just dislike that song, I absolutely loathed it.

Whenever it was played on the radio, at church or anywhere else I could possibly have to hear it, I would discreetly cover my ears, and begin to pray that they would only sing the first and last verse, and that they wouldn't sing the entire song, and of course there is always the chance they'll throw in the extra verse that solely consists of "Praise God." I have spent many years running from this song due to the fact that, in my mind, it is directly associated with death - and why in the world should I be loving a song that screams DEATH?!?!

However, as He has the tendency to do, God has been working on my heart. J It began when Mama and I went to the Chris Tomlin concert, and he sang his "My Chains are Gone" version - as you (should) also know, I dearly love the musical stylings of Chris Tomlin, and therefore owned the CD, and was listening to it all the time in preparation for the concert (had to make sure I had all the timing and words down correctly of course, so I could sing along with every song!), but I always skipped "Amazing Grace." However, standing on the front row of the concert, directly in front of the humongo speakers, did not prove a good place to be able to escape...therefore I had to listen to it...and only because it was a Chris Tomlin concert, did I not cover my ears... :)

So, I listened to it. Truly listened to the words...and before I knew it, I was worshipping and praising Him through the song for the first time in my life - arms raised, reaching out to the one who gives that amazing grace to us! The verse that struck me that night and continues to get me each time I hear it was the verse that was "lost" for many years, and they just recently found it - I have no idea how all that played out, I'm just repeating what I was told :D - here it is: The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun forbear to shine. But God, Who called me here below, will be forever mine! Will be forever mine! You are forever mine! :)

How can you not be affected by that?!?! Add that to the: My chains are gone, I've been set free, my God, my Savior has ransomed me, and like a flood, His mercy rains, Unending love, Amazing Grace! Oh yes! That is some good stuff right there!

I've heard it at church and on the radio a few times since then (and have even listened to it when it plays on the CD - :) ), and each time the song gets a little sweeter to my ear. Then Sunday morning we sang it during the service and I thought I was going to come apart - I didn't know what to do with myself! God just kind of took me over for a bit, my arms were raised, but I couldn't seem to stretch them high enough, I was singing at the top of my voice, but it didn't seem loud enough, I was moving all around, but it didn't seem like enough!

His grace is sooooo good!!!! He gives us second, third, fourth, tenth, hundredth, thousandth, etc chances!!! He never gets tired of loving us - even when we are sooooo unlovable!!! He picks us up out of our muck, dusts us off, lets us bathe in Him, gets us back to sparkling white, takes off our rags, and puts us back in our riches! He never gets tired of loving us back to the place He so desires for us to stay in Him!!! Hallelujah! :D

At this point…

I couldn’t really even tell you what all I have put in this newsletter, I just hope that something in all my ramblings has been a blessing or an encouragement to you!

As far as everything goes, life here is still going great! :) I really am loving it here, and thank God daily for turning my world upside down, and allowing me a fresh start. What I thought, to begin with, was going to be a mostly horrible, only slightly rewarding – in that I would get to be with the kids every day – journey, has turned into a life-changing (for the better :) ) experience!

The kids couldn’t be better! Just last night at supper, after I asked Samantha how her day had gone, she looked at me, smiled and said, “You know, Vanessa. It was good. It was really good. I am really starting to fit in there.” My heart soared, only to find it flying a little higher as Davis shared, “Me too, sissy! That’s how I feel at my school too!” :) Isn’t it awesome?!?!

With the start of school, our schedules have gotten quite hectic, but we’re getting through it all, and somehow no one is getting overburdened or overworked or overrun – we all work together and get everything done, and done well! :)

Davis is loving soccer! His coach is amazing, and the team plays really well together! We’re so proud of all of them! :)

Samantha is muddling her way through quite a bit of homework – she has NINE classes a day! And is thoroughly enjoying her Junior High LifeGroup and her youth service! She is finding her place!

Spooky is spoiled rotten, and finds his sanctuary in my bedroom – if he is awake, he is in my room! He hides under the bed, or curls up on the comforter at the end of my bed (cause Lord knows it is too hot in Texas for a comforter to be on the bed! :) ).