It’s All Gonna Be Ok! :)
I wrote this 1/21 as a “note” on Facebook. It clearly shows my heartbeat, and I wanted to share it with you.
So...sitting here, I just came to the realization that there are some people that were born into my life - people that are a part of my world, by genetics only. People that could care less whether I live or breathe. People that can go for years without talking to me - and when they do find that they have to talk to me, only skim the surface, never caring to ask real questions about my life, or what's happening.But it's all gonna be ok! :)
BECAUSE...
God has given us friends to make up for that! Friends that I have stronger bonds with than 90% of my family. Friends that have gotten to know me on a more intimate level in the past years, months or even weeks, than some of my family members will ever know about me. In a way, I guess that's sad. But on the other hand, coming to that realization has totally freed me.
Now I truly don't have to worry what they think about me: Am I too country? Am I too fat? Am I too "spiritual?" Am I too willing to hang out with the kids, and not have "grown up" conversation? Am I too unfashionable? Am I too me? And maybe I am all those things...but you know what? God made me to be exactly who I am - so I'm gonna be that person with every fiber of my being! And if it offends some people? Then they weren't meant to be a longstanding part of my life anyway. I'll still love them. I'll still bless them. And I'll still pray for them. But I'll do it "from afar."We absolutely CANNOT allow ourselves to get so wrapped up in trying to please everyone else, that we forget who we truly are - who God made us to be. Cause one day, all the "fun," money and status is going to fall away, and all we're going to be left with is the cold hard reality of who we really are. We won't be able to hide behind our popularity, our bank account, our well-stocked closets, or thousands of surface friends - we'll be held accountable for the lives we changed; the cashier at the store that we blessed by smiling; the child that sees love for the first time when you give them a hug after they've had a hard day; the man that has lost everything, that has been treated as a nobody by society for so long - you smile at him, give him a coat and invite him in for a meal; the woman who is raising her children alone, and has no one to look after them - you open your home to them, and social and racial walls are broken down - not to mention the deep hurts that are repaired.
I've learned a lot in the past 7 months. God has done an awesome work in my life, and I am praying that He continues to mold me and change me. I praise God that He has given me a chance to change! That He never gave up on me! That He allowed me to see the error of my ways while I'm still young so that I can be the change for my family! So that my future children will start day one with the knowledge that ALL people are children of God, and we should treat them as such! We are called to be the Hands and Feet of God on this earth! So let's walk out in it!!!
World Mandate Prayer Rally
So the church had three days of corporate prayer and fasting from Monday to Wednesday that culminated in a prayer rally that was held on Wednesday night. At least 1,500 people gathered last night at the church to seek the face of God, to experience corporate and individual breakthrough, as well as miraculous healing!
Oooooooooooooooh! God is good! :)
Sharon and I got to be a part of an awesome healing moment! :)
The service was set up in such a way that we worshiped and pray all throughout. We would have 3 or 4 songs, and then Jimmy (the pastor) would come up and present a prayer topic. And then we would pray. Sometimes we would pray in groups of two or three, other times we would pray individually, but my favorite was when we prayed with “one voice” – if you’ve never experienced this, and have the ability to get a group of people together, DO IT!!! :)
“One Voice”
It’s probably a pretty simple concept…and all of you probably already know what I’m talking about. But I had never heard of it before, nor have ever been a part of it until recently, so I’ll explain :)
Everyone is giving a topic to life up in prayer, and it is done in “one voice.” Meaning that EVERYONE prays OUT LOUD at the SAME TIME! The power of the Spirit is sooooo awesome in those moments – almost to the point of being totally overwhelming!!! The coolest part is that as you are praying, there is just a dome of prayer all around you and you know that the throne of Heaven is being flooded by the prayers of the Saints!!! :) How freeing is that?!?!?! :D
You know you wanna try it!!! :D So go for it!
Prayer Rally, Part II :)
So anyway, we were praying through different things in preparation for this weekend, but also individually seeking God’s face on things that we were expecting breakthrough in.
One of the prayer topics was on healing – physical, emotional and spiritual. They invited those that had had physical problems for many years, and especially those that had terminal diseases to come to the front to be prayed over by the healing team. Those of us not on the prayer time and not seeking physical healing were asked to gather with 2-3 people and pray for the healing to come in those at the front physically, but then to lift up the emotional and spiritual needs as well. Sharon and I had just turned to one another to begin praying when the lady in front of us (the lady is Donna. She is an older lady that we all first connected with this summer when we all went to The Feast together. Then come to find out, she is also in Elevate PM with Sharon and David. She is an absolutely precious woman that was dealt a pretty rough hand – but she has persevered and overcome! And she is constantly giving ALL glory to the only One that could have turned her situation around! :) - turned around, grabbed Sharon and said I want you to pray for me. Apparently she has had arthritis for many years, and it has pained her greatly – especially in her knees. This summer she went on a mission trip and when she left the states, she was hurting so badly that she had to rely on a cane to help her get around. By the time she got back, due to the prayers of the people on the team with her, she no longer needed the cane, but the pain wasn’t completely gone. Through the ensuing months, she’s had several people pray healing over her, and her right knee has been completely healed, but her left knee is causing her major pain, and hinders her ability to just full out run with everything God has put in her heart! So, she wanted prayer last night, and wanted us to pray that the left knee would be completely healed! She had faith it was going to happen, and so did we, so we got down to business!
Sharon and I put our hands on her swollen knee, and began praying. Commanding healing and asking that God would touch Donna in new and miraculous ways. The first time we prayed, Donna was standing up with her left leg propped up in the chair, and Sharon and I were kneeling around it. While we were praying, all of a sudden, she yanked her leg down started jerking it up and down, and said, “It bends! I can bend it! It doesn’t hurt so bad any more!!!” She was ecstatic and so were we! :) But the healing wasn’t complete!
What I’ve Learned Regarding Praying for Healing
1. Never close your eyes. Always be watchful of the person’s overall well being and the specific site you are praying for. Major things happen sometimes, and you surely don’t want to miss out on what God has to show you! :) And while healing is going on, the Holy Spirit is in the person in an extremely powerful way, and you never know how He will manifest Himself! So you have to be ready to ease the person down if they start getting unstable.
2. It’s ok to stop your prayer! :) The Holy Spirit understands that we are not perfect, and therefore do not have a perfect line of communication between here and Heaven. So, we need to frequently stop praying and ask the person what they are feeling, if the pain has moved or changed, lessened or worsened, etc. The more information we get, the more pointed and effective our prayers can be! :)
3. If change is occurring, keep praying! If you pray for a few minutes, stop and ask the person what they are feeling, and the pain has changed in any way, you know for sure that the Spirit is moving, so pray again! We go through this cycle until healing is complete, or there is no change occurring!
4. It’s good to ask the pain to go away, but it’s also ok to command it to get gone! “In the name of Jesus, we command this pain to be gone!” How powerful is that? :) And He wants us to do that! Because it takes a ton of faith to say it, and He wants us to be continually building our faith!
Prayer Rally, Part III
So, she sat down on the chair, and Sharon and I once again knelt around her and had our hands on her knee. In this new position, it wound up that one of my fingers was crossed across one of Sharon’s. We began praying, thanking God for what He’d already done, but asking that He come more. Petitioning Him to not only minister to Donna’s knee, but to minister to her heart and mind as well! And it was incredible! We looked up at her, and she was in another world with her savior! You could see it all over her face! She was positively glowing! We didn’t feel overwhelmed to keep using words, so we simply sat and held her knee, while watching her bask in the glory of God, and keeping an eye on her knee. When we started, her knee was absolutely huge, fiercely swollen! As we say there watching it, the coolest thing happened: it started to deflate! :D It wasn’t some fast thing that went “whoosh!” Instead, it was extremely slow, like someone was pulling apart the opening of a balloon that had been blown up but not tied off yet! It slowly began to go down, and as we watched, the finger of mine that had just barely been on Sharon’s went further and further onto it! :) It was incredible! God is gooooooooooooooood! :D
Healing in the House!
So…in the midst of telling all about my airport adventure at the beginning of the month, I totally forgot to tell about the excitement I got to experience in Georgia!
December 27th was a Saturday and Marcia’s birthday. Mama and I were going to take her out to dinner that evening, but that day I was craving a lazy, post-holiday, do absolutely nothing that you do not absolutely have to do kind of day! :) So we watched a Christmas movie I had taped off LMN, read, and then took a nap! :) When I woke up, Mama had already gotten up, gotten ready and was getting ready to iron her clothes. I jumped in the shower, and as I came out of the bathroom, Mama was making pain-filled noises, and was all hunched over the ironing board. I asked her what in the world was wrong, and she said that her side/stomach had been killing her since she had woken up, and at this point it was causing so much pain, she told me that Marcia and I were just going to have to go by ourselves.
***If you know Mama at all, you know that it was completely out of character for her to even be acknowledging that she was in pain, but for her to say that she was going to stay home! Why that was just too much!
By this time, she was sitting on my toy box, doubled over, and kind of rocking back and forth. I held my hand out to her and told her to put it where the pain was. She told me she wouldn’t be able to stretch out until she was lying down, so she hobbled, doubled over across the house and got on her bed. She put my hand on the pain, and was pressing it pretty hard, so I just kept the pressure there after she let go. I prayed that God would heal her, but then prayed that if it was something that truly needed medical attention, that He would make it even more unbearable, so that my stubborn mama would know beyond the shadow of a doubt that she needed to get to the hospital.
I stopped and asked her how it felt, and she said she wouldn’t know without walking. So she got up and started walking around the room, pressing on her side, but not saying anything. I finally started probing, and she said that she didn’t know if it was still hurting a little because there was still pain there or if it was all the pressure that had been applied to that spot causing soreness. She started to leave the room to go back and iron her clothes and I quickly stopped her in her tracks explaining about our “if God’s moving, keep praying” motto. So I got her back and prayed thankfulness over what He had already done but that He would even remove the soreness if that was what was causing the left over pain, and that He would complete the healing!
I stopped again and said, “Well…?” She wasn’t saying anything, but was pushing on her side, and walking around the room, and the she headed across the house. I jum’ped off the bed and followed her and said, “Well?!?” again. She turned and said, “It is completely gone! It doesn’t hurt AT ALL!”
How exciting!!! :)
Part II
On Saturday, 1/10, we had company over. It was Sharon’s cashier from WalMart, her husband and her daughter. After dinner, the kids and I played Monopoly in Davis’ bedroom, and the adults talked in the living room. They stayed until almost 9, so when they left, I was getting the kids ready for bed (Davis normally goes to bed at 7:30, and Samantha goes to bed at 8:00 – so this was really late for them!), as Sharon and David were cleaning up in the kitchen. I had gone into the bathroom to take out my contacts, wash my face, and brush my teeth, when Samantha is at my door doing a play-by-play telling me how Sharon just popped a blood vessel. Then she tells me what it looks like and that apparently it hurts a lot cause Sharon keeps “squinching up” her face and saying, “This really hurts!” By the time I got out, everyone was gathered in Davis’ room for bedtime prayer, but also to take a gander at the burst blood vessel. :) (Yes. We ARE easily amused! lol) She just kept repeating over and over that it really hurt, and how she didn’t know a burst blood vessel could hurt so much! (by the way, it was on the palm of her hand – can’t remember which one now… - in that fleshy area right below her thumb. I finally got it and asked why we weren’t praying healing for it. She jumped on the wagon, and the kids and I laid our hands on it and began petitioning! Davis prayed, then Samantha, then Davis again and then Sharon. We stopped and I said, “Well…?”
***If you haven’t noticed, that’s my question of choice when praying for people I know. Cause they know what I’m asking, instead of me having to try and probe it out of them! :D
She just smiled and said, “No more pain.”
I took the prayer of thanksgiving, and then Samantha and Davis began to tell us how the color had moved out of her hand and disappeared as they sat there and watched it – Sharon and I openly admitted that we had shut our eyes – force of habit – and so we missed it! But it was truly awesome!
See! God wants to meet us in ALL areas of our lives! Not just in the HUGE things, but in the little things as well! He wants us to be completely dependent on Him! He wants us to cry out to Him when we go to the doctor and he tells us we have cancer, or when we try to walk through the dark house and stub our toe! He wants to meet us in EVERY situation! Nothing is too trivial with God! It blesses His heart to bless ours! Don’t rob either of you of that blessing!
Walk out in the faith! And if you don’t feel like you have much! He’ll meet you in that too! He will restore the faith you’ve lost! And He’ll give you more! All you have to do is be truly open, and ask!
World Mandate 2009
This weekend (1/23-1/25), Sharon, David, Samantha, Davis and I – along with 3,000 others will be gathering at the Ferrell Center – it’s where they have their basketball games - here on the Baylor campus. We are expecting God to show up in MIGHTY ways! We have expectant hearts, that we will all have clarity for the future spoken over us. We’re ready, broken, hungry and waiting, but most of all we’re expectant!
Join us in that prayer! If you happen to think about us anytime in the next 4 days, please just ask that God will bring us to a place where all we hear is Him. Where He is constantly speaking to and through us! Praying for our openness and receptiveness!
Speaking of Clarity…
At LifeGroup each Wednesday, they pass around a clipboard that we put our name, any prayer or praise requests we have, and our VIP – which is a person we are praying salvation for. This list is emailed to all of us so we can lift one another up through the week. My prayer request last week was “Clarity” – plain and simple.
As we stood up and began to worship, Ashley came over and spoke into me. When she left I knew that I needed to journal what she said, so I sat down to do that. While I was writing, I heard “42:9.” I didn’t know what it meant, so I just jotted it down in the margin, and kept on writing. In a few more minutes I heard “Isaiah,” and added it to my note. I finished journaling, and looked it up. Here’s my verse:
“See the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.”
In the moment I read that verse, I felt peace. Because what God said to me through this verse was this: Vanessa, don’t be anxious. Look at all I have already done in you. Look how far you’ve come! More is coming! Good stuff is coming! The future that I have planned for you is coming! I won’t just spring it on you, you’ll know ahead of time! You will have time to prepare and adjust! :)
Yeah, I know…my God is good! :D
So I shared it with Ashley that night, and had planned on sharing with Sharon on Thursday. Unfortunately, my plans were derailed when instead of sitting down to a heart to heart when I went out of my room to find her that afternoon, we went and gathered around my car as she asked me what had happened to it. I had not noticed it Wednesday night, because it was the passenger side, and it was 11p when I had gotten home that night. The insurance adjuster said it looks like a truck backed into it with the corner of their bumper. And of course they didn’t bother to come tell me they hit it. That’s why insurance is important! The repairs are estimated at $1,100! It’s ridiculous! In good news, the headlight still works, so I have time to find a good place. Amanda’s father has a friend in Dallas that does things like this, so she’s trying to find out if he’d be able to do it for me.
I went to breakfast with Amanda on Saturday and shared my verse with her, and when I got home for our time, the family was at the table eating lunch. After lunch, the kids were playing in Davis’ room and Sharon, David and I were sitting around the table while Sharon was beginning to catch me up on Elevate. As she was talking, we all began to talk about how expectant we were for this week, and how we were just so excited to find out what God has in store for each of us! As she was talking, I was reminded that I had never shared my verse with her! I happened to have my Bible in my hand from my time with Amanda, so I pulled it out and told them the story of Wednesday night, and then read them the verse. About halfway through it, Sharon started quietly chuckling. I was quite shocked, and if I’m being completely honest, quite upset that she was laughing at me. David had just been nodding his head the whole time and said, “That’s great!” when I finished. I looked over at her and asked her why she was laughing, and she said, “Flip over to 43 and read verses 18 and 19.” I did, and as I was reading them, I began to chuckle. By this time, David was completely confused, and so Sharon asked me to read them aloud.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”
Are you chuckling with us yet? If not, you should be! :) The verses are almost identical. She went on to explain that she had gotten her verse during her quiet time on Monday. We all quickly decided that God is definitely moving, and preparing us for the path He has made for us! And we’re all obviously on the same page (in a manner of speaking ;) ), so whatever He has coming for all of us, there will be peace in the decision.
Excitement Abounds!
Ed is proposing to Amanda next Saturday, January 31st! And we get to be there for it! :) He’s proposing at the tennis courts at Baylor (the love to play tennis, and God told him that was where he was to propose), and all of us – LifeGroup members, friends and family – are going to come out of the shadows with those candles they use during candlelight services at church with the little paper wax-catcher thing on them. When she sees us coming out with the candles, in his mind’s eye, she’s going to look at us, asking what’s going on, and he is going to drop to one knee, so that when she turns back to him, he has the ring out and proposes!!! :D
Needless to say, I’m pretty stoked about that! :D I don’t know if I could be much happier if it was my own fairy tale! :) Sometime I will have to write their story for you! :) It’s great!
One More Thing…
Right before we left for Christmas in Georgia, Davis had Samantha help him rearrange his room one afternoon, and they put his bed against the wall that he and I share. I thought he was doing it just to open his room up and have more space, but soon found out differently.
The first night, I was awakened ALL NIGHT LONG as he thrashed and flailed about the bed – I’ve always known he’s a rough sleeper, but I’ve never shared a wall with him before! – and would crash into the wall! The first time it happened, I thought someone was trying to break into the house and I about had heart failure. I soon got used to him smacking into the wall as he is sleeping, and now when it wakes me – the 4 or 5 times a night it happens - I just roll over and quickly go back to sleep.
Came back from Georgia, and had to readjust myself to the crashing.
The second night back, I was sound asleep when I heard knocking. I quickly reached for my phone and saw that it was 1:37a. I couldn’t figure out who would be here at that hour, and then became paranoid that someone was outside my bedroom trying to get in before I realized that if they were going to harm me, they probably wouldn’t be knocking… (yes, I know you’re probably shaking your head and laughing at me right now! :P But you have to remember that I had been awoken from a sound sleep, to knocking!) I got up the nerve to answer my door, and when I did, there was no one there. So I laid back down. I had gotten to the point where I was almost back asleep and it happened again. Three consecutive knocks. I opened my door, only to find that, once again, no one was there. By this time I thought I had lost my mind, and was just having a horrible dream. The third time it happened, I was on a mission. I went slowly walking down the hall, and as I got to the end, saw all kinds of light streaming out from under Davis’ door. I opened it to find him sitting up in the middle of his bed, with the overhead light on. I asked him if he had been knocking, and he informed me that three knocks meant, “Get In Here!” Of course I had no prior knowledge of this, so I had been delayed in my response.
This happened 5 nights in the first two weeks I was back. He said that he was having awful nightmares. I would go in, turn the overhead light off, tuck him back into bed, lay hands on him and pray. I never asked what the nightmares were, because I didn’t want him reliving them.
So far, this week it hasn’t happened at all. He has slept soundly and only crashed into the wall 2-3 times each night versus the 4-5 it had been. So we’re making improvement! :) When I go to pray over him, part of my prayer is always that God will put His angels shoulder to shoulder in a circle all around the bed. When I pray that, that is when he starts to relax, and he’s out a very few seconds later.
So, if you think about Davis, just lift him up, We’re going on one week! Let’s go on to two! Then a month! And then a forever! :)
God can do it! :) We just have to trust Him for it! :)
I love you all!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
January 2009
Georgia On My Mind…
Wow…when I left Texas on 12/19, headed to Georgia, I never thought 17 days would fly like they did. It was a wonderful trip, and I had so much fun getting to catch up with everybody, and spend time with all of you outside these newsletters!!! :D
I will be totally transparent here and say that I am having an extremely hard time with going back – as I write this, I am still in Georgia. I know it is God’s will that I go back to Texas, and because of that, I will get on the plane tomorrow with a grateful heart because of His covering – but it won’t be without a touch of sadness knowing that it will be quite some time before I see all of you again. I can’t even begin to put into words just how much you all mean to me – I carry you in my heart always, and knowing that you all are out there praying for me, makes it easier to continue on the path that God has for me in this season.
Texas-bound…
Monday, 1/5
I was set to head back to Texas, with a flight leaving Atlanta at 11:35 EST, landing in Dallas at 1:05 CST. I arrived at Hartsfield with a heavy heart and a heavy load (my suitcase weighed in at 66.7lbs – the rest of the luggage story will come shortly) promptly at 10a to start my day in the airports! Woohoo! :P
I stepped up to the check-in counter, and the gentleman checked me in and went to throw my suitcase up on the belt, nearly throwing out his shoulder in the process – in all fairness to me, I had warned him that it was quite heavy, but obviously he thought that he was a muscle-man and could easily handle it :)…he quickly dropped it back on the ground – not that he got it up very far to begin with and told me that it had to be weighed. He guessed that it weighed 80lbs – when I picked it up that morning I said it was probably 100lbs! lol :) But when he put it on the scale, it was only 66.7lbs! So…he asked me if I could take 16lbs of my luggage out of my suitcase (if I could get it to 50lbs, it would only be $15, instead of the $50 it would be for over 50lbs). I kindly informed him that if I could have taken 16lbs out of my suitcase, it wouldn’t be in there to begin with – and what he doesn’t know, is that this is the very least of my luggage! I left Texas on 12/19 with one medium sized suitcase and 1 very small duffle bag/toiletry bag thing. When Sharon, David and the kids drove back, I gave them the medium suitcase, the duffle bag thing and a large tote – all filled tight as a tick! Then Marcia – my aunt – graciously allowed me to have her extra large suitcase to pack what was left at the house. Unfortunately, there was still too much stuff, and because I had one very large item I wanted to send back, I decided to ship it to myself. So…we went to WalMart and got the largest packing box we could find – it was not marked as a mailer, but as a moving box – and stuffed it to overflowing (we used 2 rolls of packing tape to cover the box because it was bulging all over the place). It weighed in at 35lbs (I think that’s right) and should arrive later this week.
Before I explain all that I had with me when I arrived at the airport, I first have to make sure you know that until yesterday, I have always been a model flyer! :) I always empty my purse – I always make sure it is a small purse - so that only my wallet, flight info and one book (for passing time) is in it. I never wear a coat, because it just adds bulk and you have to continuously take it on and off. I never carry on a second bag – suitcase or otherwise – because I have seen way too many people fighting with their luggage, and holding up everybody else on the plane! I always put a Ziploc bag in my pocket and put my jewelry in it before going through security, so it will all stay together, and I can just drop it neatly in my bin. I always wear shoes (usually my Birkenstock-esque shoes) with socks so I can easily slip off my shoes for security, but don’t have to walk on the nasty floor with my bare feet. And I make certain that my shoes and purse are small enough that they can both fit in the same bin so I only have to use one!
Unfortunately, this was not the case yesterday.
Due to the absolute stuffed nature of my suitcase, I was forced to wear my winter coat and my most bulky shoes – so I had on my very heavy, black wool coat and my tennis shoes. Then, due to the absolute stuffed nature of my suitcase I had to carry additional items in my purse and my laptop bag (yes, because I worked from home while I was in Georgia, I had to take all my stuff with me, and therefore had a second carry on bag for the first time EVER!). I had to carry my new oversized purse with me, packed to the gills – just for fun yesterday afternoon I weighed it, and it was a little over 10lbs!! And had to use every extra millimeter of space in my laptop to put stuff.
So I arrive at the check in counter, wearing my heavy coat, with my overstuffed laptop bag on one shoulder, my overstuffed purse on the other, and dragging my overstuffed suitcase (praise God for rolling suitcases) behind me. So why the man even asked if I could throw out 16lbs is beyond me! :P Did he not think that if I could have gotten rid of some of the stuff I had that I already would have?!?!? :) After I told him that everything had to go, he offered me a box to put 16lbs in so it would be a second “suitcase” instead of just an oversized one – if the first suitcase is under 50lbs, you pay $15, and then the second suitcase is $25, which would have brought me to $40. I opted to pay the $10 difference, and not have to unpack my suitcase at the ticket counter! :) If I had repacked, I would have been there all day, trying to figure out the best way to repack everything so things wouldn’t shift a lot, break, leak, etc.
We finally got everything squared away (he put two “HEAVY! BEND WITH YOUR KNEES! ADDITIONAL ASSISTANCE MAY BE REQUIRED!” stickers on my suitcase! Lol), and off I went to security.
I arrived at security, and proceeded to stand in line, taking my jewelry off and putting it in my Ziploc, balancing on one leg while untying and taking off my shoes and switching my carry on bags back and forth, so I could go ahead and take my coat off, and got my laptop out of the laptop bag, so I’d be right ready to dump everything in the bins!
I finally reached the bin, my purse went in the first one. My laptop went in the second. The laptop bag went in the third. My shoes, Ziploc bag of jewelry, and my winter coat went in the fourth. I have never in my life! So I finally got through security, quickly grabbing all my stuff out of the bins and moving out of the way so I could load this pack mule back up! :P
When I finally made it to my gate at 15 minutes to 11 – the flight was to board at 11:05 – I happily fell into the first open seat, and called Mama to check in. While I was talking to her, they came over the intercom and informed us that there was “weather” in Dallas, and that our flight was being delayed until 12p. I continued talking to Mama, and got off the phone a little after 11. I saw that I had a voicemail, so I dialed in to check it, and a recording informed me that my flight from Dallas to Waco had been cancelled, and to call an 800 number to reschedule my flight – normally this would not be a big deal, but I needed to be back at the house last night by 5, so I could be here with the kids while Sharon and David went to class. I quickly called the number, only to have the lady inform me that the two other flights going from Dallas to Waco that day were both completely full, and I would have to wait until today to get out of Dallas. I kindly told her I would find another way, and got off the phone. I first called Mama, because I needed to vent, and then called Sharon so we could strategize. By the time I got in touch with her, we had boarded the plane and were almost ready to push back from the gate. She offered to call the shuttle company that David had used one time when he was out here before we moved. So I gave her all of my flight information, and she said she’d have an email waiting for me when I landed in Dallas.
We got off the ground around 12:15EST and the flight was pretty good until we got about 30minutes from Dallas. Then we began dropping and popping back up, and tilting side to side – it was NOT much fun (and I usually enjoy losing my stomach on rides and planes – but not when it is over, and over and over and over again). We landed around 1:25 (CST) and sat on the tarmac until right at 2 – the “weather” in Dallas was freezing rain, and the plane at our gate had frozen wings that were having to be attended to before they could leave and we could pull in. They finally gave up on that gate and sent us to another.
I knew that the first item on my agenda was to figure out how to get my suitcase – since I wouldn’t be flying on to Waco, I would like to have my suitcase with me when I left Dallas. I went up to the counter, explained my situation, and the lady informed me that all the flights from Dallas to Waco for yesterday had been cancelled and that there was no way to get my luggage – they would simply send everyone’s luggage on flights to Waco as they could fit on the plane as soon as they were able to send planes. That didn’t sit well with me, because everything I own in way of getting ready was on that suitcase, and there was no set time that I would be getting it back.
I left her and called Mama to vent a bit. I got off the phone with Mama and decided that I would try one more time. By this time, I was down in the baggage claim area, and saw a desk that said “Baggage Services.” I figured that was what I needed, and I headed over. He instructed me to follow these 5 guys that were walking through baggage claim toward the ticket counter, cause he said they were after their luggage too.
I followed them, and when I got over there, found that they were all together, and on a business trip from Atlanta coming to Waco. The leader of their pack reminded me a whole lot of my father, and was demanding that miracles happen, cause he wasn’t leaving without his luggage, and he was leaving before 5p – they got a rental van and were going to drive to Waco. He took me on as one of his own, and did not relent until the crew chief of luggage for the American Eagle flight line was contacted and he promised that he himself would find our luggage and send it up to us. The lady had to send our information over to him – describing our bags and such – and then had to cancel the flights we had automatically been moved to for getting to Waco today. There were 6 of us, I was the last one to go, and it took about an hour to get all of that done. I arrived over to the new baggage claim area around 3:25, and was getting quite antsy. The shuttle would only be available to me until 4, and so that suitcase needed to shoot on out of that thing and onto the little carousel quickly! :)
I walked in and found a nice wall to hold up right in front of carousel B20 – where we were told they were sending our luggage. As I was standing there, I got the feeling that I was supposed to walk around the carousel, going against the flow, 7 times. I had already been praying my little heart out, so I took this as a sign, and began walking against the flow, around the carousel and prayed with all my being. I kept telling Him that I knew He knew right where my suitcase is, that I knew He didn’t need any crew chief to find it and that He could pick it up and drop it right on the ground in front of me if he wanted to! J I also made sure He remembered that I had to have my suitcase and be on that shuttle by 4, or I was going to be spending the night in Dallas. On my 5th lap around, I noticed a bag in a bin on carousel 21. I walked over and inspected it and realized it belonged to one of the guys I had been with. I took it over to him, and then went back to walking. On my 6th time around, the belt on B21 started moving and just as I finished my 7th lap, my suitcase shot out of that little hole and onto the belt it came! I jumped up and said “Thank you Jesus!” I looked down at my phone, and it was 3:39! :) He’s good! I went outside and called the shuttle guy to let him know where I was.
He picked me up at 4 on the nose, and then there were 2 other ladies we had to get. It was an 11 seater van, and we had 11 people! We were all so cramped in with luggage, bags, purses, and people – and we had 2.5 hours to ride. He stopped at a really nice gas station/everything you could ever need store at the 1.5 hour mark and let us out for a 15 minute break. We got back in and arrived at the Waco airport – where most of our cars were – right at 7p. I jumped out, drug my suitcase over to the car, through it in the trunk, through my carry on junk into the passenger seat and took off to the church to pick up the kids – they were entertaining themselves in another room until I could get there to pick them up!
Praise God, I finally made it home! :)
Unsubscribe…
If at any time you wish to unsubscribe from this newsletter because you feel that the writer rambles on entirely too much, gives way too many details about everything, or talks about stuff you just don’t care to hear about, feel free to email us at: vanessa.murray@gmail.com and we will promptly remove you from the mailing list. We apologize for any inconvenience, and appreciate all feedback – suggestions, comments, complaints, encouragement, etc :)
Unfortunately…
Since you all just saw me for almost three weeks, there isn’t a whole lot I can tell you that you don’t already know…
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I do have one thing! :) After this story, I promise to stop typing and allow you to go back to whatever it was you were doing before I interrupted your day by sending you my 3 page rambler! :)
“It’s ok to be sad…”
Sunday was my last day to see anybody, as we would be leaving the house early Monday morning to head to the airport. Mama was sick, and could not go to church because she was coughing her head off and thought she would disrupt the entire service if she were to go. I arrived at church, and, per my request, they started “You Are Amazing” – it truly is the best song I’ve ever heard, and one day I am gonna luck up and find it somewhere so I can listen to it EVERY DAY!!! Unfortunately, the minute the music started for the song, my eyes began to leak, and my heart felt like it was going to break. I knew I was at the end of the road, and would be heading back, and at this time have no set plans on our next trip to Georgia. I was sad. Completely and utterly sad. And then I began to feel bad about feeling sad, because I know Texas is where God wants me right now, and I know I am supposed to be here for the kids, and for me! So I was just in a bad way! And the worst part of all, was that I wasn’t even able to sing along with my most favorite song in the entire world! :(
As I was standing there, heart breaking and eyes leaking, a calmness passed over me, and it felt as though someone was standing behind me with their arms firmly wrapped around me and holding me close. And in my heart’s ear, I heard, “It’s ok to be sad.” And as we began to have this conversation in the depths of my heart, I began to understand why it is ok for me to be sad.
You see, it is ok for me to be sad about having to leave behind those of you I love so dearly, because what He allowed me to realize is just how blessed I am that He has given me two “homes” – meaning not just the house, but the family and friends that make up “home” for me – that I can go to and feel so completely welcomed! Where I am loved more than I can possibly understand! Where I am completely accepted by those that love me! And where I can pick up right where I left off! :)
The realization was not a magic tear-stopper, but it made me totally ok with being sad. So sad I was. I cried more on Sunday than I have in years…but you know what? I feel totally cleansed! :) And even though, as I said a hundred times, it would have been so much easier to just stay here and not gone back to Georgia…I wouldn’t have changed it for anything! I so enjoyed my time with you! :)
Thank you!
Thank you for loving me…
Thank you for praying for me…
Thank you for encouraging me…
Thank you for allowing me to just be me…
Thank you for not judging me…
Thank you for accepting me just as I am…
Thank you for rearranging your schedule to spend time with me…
Thank you for listening…
Thank you for talking…
Thank you for saying nothing...
Thank you for the hugs…
Thank you for holding me while I cried…
Thank you for singing for me…
Thank you for walking in the cold with me…
Thank you for the cards…
Thank you for your time…
Thank you for being you!
I could never hope to possibly explain just how much each of you mean to me! You have all had some hand in why I am where I am, and the way God has allowed me to experience, and feast on Him since I’ve been here. Please know that you each have a part in that, and I love you so much for everything you’ve done, and continue to do! :)
You are amazing! :D
Juarez…
It hit me a few days ago, that it is only two months until our trip! And I am sooooo excited for what is to come! :) But there’s a lot I have to get done before then, so please being praying that everything will come together!
World Mandate 2009…
Sharon, David, Samantha, Davis and I will be attending World Mandate 2009 January 23-25! You can read about it at www.worldmandate.com and be able to catch the excitement for what we’ll be experiencing!
Sharon and David are expectantly waiting for God to speak to them as to what the next step in their journey is, and I think we’re all hoping that before that weekend is over, that we’ll have some vision for what is to come – for all of us! So please join us in that prayer!
The End…finally! ;)
Thank you very much for sticking with me this far! I hope you’re having a blessed day, and will continue to follow after God with everything you have!
Catch the vision! ;)
Wow…when I left Texas on 12/19, headed to Georgia, I never thought 17 days would fly like they did. It was a wonderful trip, and I had so much fun getting to catch up with everybody, and spend time with all of you outside these newsletters!!! :D
I will be totally transparent here and say that I am having an extremely hard time with going back – as I write this, I am still in Georgia. I know it is God’s will that I go back to Texas, and because of that, I will get on the plane tomorrow with a grateful heart because of His covering – but it won’t be without a touch of sadness knowing that it will be quite some time before I see all of you again. I can’t even begin to put into words just how much you all mean to me – I carry you in my heart always, and knowing that you all are out there praying for me, makes it easier to continue on the path that God has for me in this season.
Texas-bound…
Monday, 1/5
I was set to head back to Texas, with a flight leaving Atlanta at 11:35 EST, landing in Dallas at 1:05 CST. I arrived at Hartsfield with a heavy heart and a heavy load (my suitcase weighed in at 66.7lbs – the rest of the luggage story will come shortly) promptly at 10a to start my day in the airports! Woohoo! :P
I stepped up to the check-in counter, and the gentleman checked me in and went to throw my suitcase up on the belt, nearly throwing out his shoulder in the process – in all fairness to me, I had warned him that it was quite heavy, but obviously he thought that he was a muscle-man and could easily handle it :)…he quickly dropped it back on the ground – not that he got it up very far to begin with and told me that it had to be weighed. He guessed that it weighed 80lbs – when I picked it up that morning I said it was probably 100lbs! lol :) But when he put it on the scale, it was only 66.7lbs! So…he asked me if I could take 16lbs of my luggage out of my suitcase (if I could get it to 50lbs, it would only be $15, instead of the $50 it would be for over 50lbs). I kindly informed him that if I could have taken 16lbs out of my suitcase, it wouldn’t be in there to begin with – and what he doesn’t know, is that this is the very least of my luggage! I left Texas on 12/19 with one medium sized suitcase and 1 very small duffle bag/toiletry bag thing. When Sharon, David and the kids drove back, I gave them the medium suitcase, the duffle bag thing and a large tote – all filled tight as a tick! Then Marcia – my aunt – graciously allowed me to have her extra large suitcase to pack what was left at the house. Unfortunately, there was still too much stuff, and because I had one very large item I wanted to send back, I decided to ship it to myself. So…we went to WalMart and got the largest packing box we could find – it was not marked as a mailer, but as a moving box – and stuffed it to overflowing (we used 2 rolls of packing tape to cover the box because it was bulging all over the place). It weighed in at 35lbs (I think that’s right) and should arrive later this week.
Before I explain all that I had with me when I arrived at the airport, I first have to make sure you know that until yesterday, I have always been a model flyer! :) I always empty my purse – I always make sure it is a small purse - so that only my wallet, flight info and one book (for passing time) is in it. I never wear a coat, because it just adds bulk and you have to continuously take it on and off. I never carry on a second bag – suitcase or otherwise – because I have seen way too many people fighting with their luggage, and holding up everybody else on the plane! I always put a Ziploc bag in my pocket and put my jewelry in it before going through security, so it will all stay together, and I can just drop it neatly in my bin. I always wear shoes (usually my Birkenstock-esque shoes) with socks so I can easily slip off my shoes for security, but don’t have to walk on the nasty floor with my bare feet. And I make certain that my shoes and purse are small enough that they can both fit in the same bin so I only have to use one!
Unfortunately, this was not the case yesterday.
Due to the absolute stuffed nature of my suitcase, I was forced to wear my winter coat and my most bulky shoes – so I had on my very heavy, black wool coat and my tennis shoes. Then, due to the absolute stuffed nature of my suitcase I had to carry additional items in my purse and my laptop bag (yes, because I worked from home while I was in Georgia, I had to take all my stuff with me, and therefore had a second carry on bag for the first time EVER!). I had to carry my new oversized purse with me, packed to the gills – just for fun yesterday afternoon I weighed it, and it was a little over 10lbs!! And had to use every extra millimeter of space in my laptop to put stuff.
So I arrive at the check in counter, wearing my heavy coat, with my overstuffed laptop bag on one shoulder, my overstuffed purse on the other, and dragging my overstuffed suitcase (praise God for rolling suitcases) behind me. So why the man even asked if I could throw out 16lbs is beyond me! :P Did he not think that if I could have gotten rid of some of the stuff I had that I already would have?!?!? :) After I told him that everything had to go, he offered me a box to put 16lbs in so it would be a second “suitcase” instead of just an oversized one – if the first suitcase is under 50lbs, you pay $15, and then the second suitcase is $25, which would have brought me to $40. I opted to pay the $10 difference, and not have to unpack my suitcase at the ticket counter! :) If I had repacked, I would have been there all day, trying to figure out the best way to repack everything so things wouldn’t shift a lot, break, leak, etc.
We finally got everything squared away (he put two “HEAVY! BEND WITH YOUR KNEES! ADDITIONAL ASSISTANCE MAY BE REQUIRED!” stickers on my suitcase! Lol), and off I went to security.
I arrived at security, and proceeded to stand in line, taking my jewelry off and putting it in my Ziploc, balancing on one leg while untying and taking off my shoes and switching my carry on bags back and forth, so I could go ahead and take my coat off, and got my laptop out of the laptop bag, so I’d be right ready to dump everything in the bins!
I finally reached the bin, my purse went in the first one. My laptop went in the second. The laptop bag went in the third. My shoes, Ziploc bag of jewelry, and my winter coat went in the fourth. I have never in my life! So I finally got through security, quickly grabbing all my stuff out of the bins and moving out of the way so I could load this pack mule back up! :P
When I finally made it to my gate at 15 minutes to 11 – the flight was to board at 11:05 – I happily fell into the first open seat, and called Mama to check in. While I was talking to her, they came over the intercom and informed us that there was “weather” in Dallas, and that our flight was being delayed until 12p. I continued talking to Mama, and got off the phone a little after 11. I saw that I had a voicemail, so I dialed in to check it, and a recording informed me that my flight from Dallas to Waco had been cancelled, and to call an 800 number to reschedule my flight – normally this would not be a big deal, but I needed to be back at the house last night by 5, so I could be here with the kids while Sharon and David went to class. I quickly called the number, only to have the lady inform me that the two other flights going from Dallas to Waco that day were both completely full, and I would have to wait until today to get out of Dallas. I kindly told her I would find another way, and got off the phone. I first called Mama, because I needed to vent, and then called Sharon so we could strategize. By the time I got in touch with her, we had boarded the plane and were almost ready to push back from the gate. She offered to call the shuttle company that David had used one time when he was out here before we moved. So I gave her all of my flight information, and she said she’d have an email waiting for me when I landed in Dallas.
We got off the ground around 12:15EST and the flight was pretty good until we got about 30minutes from Dallas. Then we began dropping and popping back up, and tilting side to side – it was NOT much fun (and I usually enjoy losing my stomach on rides and planes – but not when it is over, and over and over and over again). We landed around 1:25 (CST) and sat on the tarmac until right at 2 – the “weather” in Dallas was freezing rain, and the plane at our gate had frozen wings that were having to be attended to before they could leave and we could pull in. They finally gave up on that gate and sent us to another.
I knew that the first item on my agenda was to figure out how to get my suitcase – since I wouldn’t be flying on to Waco, I would like to have my suitcase with me when I left Dallas. I went up to the counter, explained my situation, and the lady informed me that all the flights from Dallas to Waco for yesterday had been cancelled and that there was no way to get my luggage – they would simply send everyone’s luggage on flights to Waco as they could fit on the plane as soon as they were able to send planes. That didn’t sit well with me, because everything I own in way of getting ready was on that suitcase, and there was no set time that I would be getting it back.
I left her and called Mama to vent a bit. I got off the phone with Mama and decided that I would try one more time. By this time, I was down in the baggage claim area, and saw a desk that said “Baggage Services.” I figured that was what I needed, and I headed over. He instructed me to follow these 5 guys that were walking through baggage claim toward the ticket counter, cause he said they were after their luggage too.
I followed them, and when I got over there, found that they were all together, and on a business trip from Atlanta coming to Waco. The leader of their pack reminded me a whole lot of my father, and was demanding that miracles happen, cause he wasn’t leaving without his luggage, and he was leaving before 5p – they got a rental van and were going to drive to Waco. He took me on as one of his own, and did not relent until the crew chief of luggage for the American Eagle flight line was contacted and he promised that he himself would find our luggage and send it up to us. The lady had to send our information over to him – describing our bags and such – and then had to cancel the flights we had automatically been moved to for getting to Waco today. There were 6 of us, I was the last one to go, and it took about an hour to get all of that done. I arrived over to the new baggage claim area around 3:25, and was getting quite antsy. The shuttle would only be available to me until 4, and so that suitcase needed to shoot on out of that thing and onto the little carousel quickly! :)
I walked in and found a nice wall to hold up right in front of carousel B20 – where we were told they were sending our luggage. As I was standing there, I got the feeling that I was supposed to walk around the carousel, going against the flow, 7 times. I had already been praying my little heart out, so I took this as a sign, and began walking against the flow, around the carousel and prayed with all my being. I kept telling Him that I knew He knew right where my suitcase is, that I knew He didn’t need any crew chief to find it and that He could pick it up and drop it right on the ground in front of me if he wanted to! J I also made sure He remembered that I had to have my suitcase and be on that shuttle by 4, or I was going to be spending the night in Dallas. On my 5th lap around, I noticed a bag in a bin on carousel 21. I walked over and inspected it and realized it belonged to one of the guys I had been with. I took it over to him, and then went back to walking. On my 6th time around, the belt on B21 started moving and just as I finished my 7th lap, my suitcase shot out of that little hole and onto the belt it came! I jumped up and said “Thank you Jesus!” I looked down at my phone, and it was 3:39! :) He’s good! I went outside and called the shuttle guy to let him know where I was.
He picked me up at 4 on the nose, and then there were 2 other ladies we had to get. It was an 11 seater van, and we had 11 people! We were all so cramped in with luggage, bags, purses, and people – and we had 2.5 hours to ride. He stopped at a really nice gas station/everything you could ever need store at the 1.5 hour mark and let us out for a 15 minute break. We got back in and arrived at the Waco airport – where most of our cars were – right at 7p. I jumped out, drug my suitcase over to the car, through it in the trunk, through my carry on junk into the passenger seat and took off to the church to pick up the kids – they were entertaining themselves in another room until I could get there to pick them up!
Praise God, I finally made it home! :)
Unsubscribe…
If at any time you wish to unsubscribe from this newsletter because you feel that the writer rambles on entirely too much, gives way too many details about everything, or talks about stuff you just don’t care to hear about, feel free to email us at: vanessa.murray@gmail.com and we will promptly remove you from the mailing list. We apologize for any inconvenience, and appreciate all feedback – suggestions, comments, complaints, encouragement, etc :)
Unfortunately…
Since you all just saw me for almost three weeks, there isn’t a whole lot I can tell you that you don’t already know…
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I do have one thing! :) After this story, I promise to stop typing and allow you to go back to whatever it was you were doing before I interrupted your day by sending you my 3 page rambler! :)
“It’s ok to be sad…”
Sunday was my last day to see anybody, as we would be leaving the house early Monday morning to head to the airport. Mama was sick, and could not go to church because she was coughing her head off and thought she would disrupt the entire service if she were to go. I arrived at church, and, per my request, they started “You Are Amazing” – it truly is the best song I’ve ever heard, and one day I am gonna luck up and find it somewhere so I can listen to it EVERY DAY!!! Unfortunately, the minute the music started for the song, my eyes began to leak, and my heart felt like it was going to break. I knew I was at the end of the road, and would be heading back, and at this time have no set plans on our next trip to Georgia. I was sad. Completely and utterly sad. And then I began to feel bad about feeling sad, because I know Texas is where God wants me right now, and I know I am supposed to be here for the kids, and for me! So I was just in a bad way! And the worst part of all, was that I wasn’t even able to sing along with my most favorite song in the entire world! :(
As I was standing there, heart breaking and eyes leaking, a calmness passed over me, and it felt as though someone was standing behind me with their arms firmly wrapped around me and holding me close. And in my heart’s ear, I heard, “It’s ok to be sad.” And as we began to have this conversation in the depths of my heart, I began to understand why it is ok for me to be sad.
You see, it is ok for me to be sad about having to leave behind those of you I love so dearly, because what He allowed me to realize is just how blessed I am that He has given me two “homes” – meaning not just the house, but the family and friends that make up “home” for me – that I can go to and feel so completely welcomed! Where I am loved more than I can possibly understand! Where I am completely accepted by those that love me! And where I can pick up right where I left off! :)
The realization was not a magic tear-stopper, but it made me totally ok with being sad. So sad I was. I cried more on Sunday than I have in years…but you know what? I feel totally cleansed! :) And even though, as I said a hundred times, it would have been so much easier to just stay here and not gone back to Georgia…I wouldn’t have changed it for anything! I so enjoyed my time with you! :)
Thank you!
Thank you for loving me…
Thank you for praying for me…
Thank you for encouraging me…
Thank you for allowing me to just be me…
Thank you for not judging me…
Thank you for accepting me just as I am…
Thank you for rearranging your schedule to spend time with me…
Thank you for listening…
Thank you for talking…
Thank you for saying nothing...
Thank you for the hugs…
Thank you for holding me while I cried…
Thank you for singing for me…
Thank you for walking in the cold with me…
Thank you for the cards…
Thank you for your time…
Thank you for being you!
I could never hope to possibly explain just how much each of you mean to me! You have all had some hand in why I am where I am, and the way God has allowed me to experience, and feast on Him since I’ve been here. Please know that you each have a part in that, and I love you so much for everything you’ve done, and continue to do! :)
You are amazing! :D
Juarez…
It hit me a few days ago, that it is only two months until our trip! And I am sooooo excited for what is to come! :) But there’s a lot I have to get done before then, so please being praying that everything will come together!
World Mandate 2009…
Sharon, David, Samantha, Davis and I will be attending World Mandate 2009 January 23-25! You can read about it at www.worldmandate.com and be able to catch the excitement for what we’ll be experiencing!
Sharon and David are expectantly waiting for God to speak to them as to what the next step in their journey is, and I think we’re all hoping that before that weekend is over, that we’ll have some vision for what is to come – for all of us! So please join us in that prayer!
The End…finally! ;)
Thank you very much for sticking with me this far! I hope you’re having a blessed day, and will continue to follow after God with everything you have!
Catch the vision! ;)
December 2008
Yeah! It’s me again! And it hasn’t even been 3 months!!!
Ok…so I know that you are probably about to fall off your chair when you open your email and see that you are getting a newsletter again so quickly! :)
But it has been an incredibly awesome weekend, and a most amazing, God-filled day, and I couldn’t wait to share it! I knew that I needed to journal before I forgot, so I figured I would type it up in a newsletter and share it with you and get the benefit of journaling, and sharing the awesomeness that is God all at the same time!!! :)
But before I go off on that, I’ll catch you up on the few things that have occurred since the last newsletter! :)
We’ll be back in Georgia in 5 days…
This time next week, we will all be back in Georgia! Woohoo! :) I am incredibly excited to think about getting to see everybody again (it seems like it has been next to FOREVER!)…but at the same time, it is so hard to even think about being away from my babies for so long! I have gotten soooo used to having them around, that it is going to be super hard not being able to just walk down the hall and get a hug or a kiss or a smile! So, having said that, I ask for your prayers while we’re home that it will go smoothly! Davis has had many conversations with me about how sad it is going to be while we are apart for 17 days, and Samantha is just refusing to talk about it – she says that if she pretends it isn’t going to happen, then she doesn’t have to deal with it until it actually does. :) (That’s my girl! Lol)
It is so incredibly hard to even believe that we’ve been here 6 months (on Wednesday) already! But what’s more amazing than that is thinking through everything God has done in the 6 months we’ve been here! Come on now! Let’s give Him All the honor! And All the praise! For He is worthy! And He is good! :)
I just said to Ashley this afternoon: “If God has accomplished all that He has in my life in the past 6 months, what in the world does He have for the next 6 months?!?!?!” All I know is I want it! I crave it! I desire it! :) I want everything He has to give!!!
The Caroler’s
As you may, or may not know, Samantha was in the Christmas play at our church this past week! She was amazing! And God showed up BIG time!!! Preliminary figures has over 3,000 in attendance, with over 300 salvations!!!
It was written by two of the elders in our church, and it was POWERFUL!!! Samantha was “Candy,” the oldest daughter in a family that has a totally warped view based solely on the secular side of Christmas. It was just the right mix of fun and seriousness, with the true meaning presented clearly at the heart of it all!
She had 4 showings – 6:30 & 8:30 this past Tuesday and Thursday – I was able to go to three of the four showings! :)
Elevate…
Sharon and David will have their Final for their first semester of Elevate tomorrow night! Please lift them (and all the other “Elevators” – yes I have entirely too much fun calling them that! :) ) up in your prayers all day tomorrow, but especially tomorrow evening – 7p-11p EST! :)
Friday 12/12/08…
So…Friday, life finally caught up with me. My throat was killing me, and I had a horrible headache! I got off work at 12p, and I finally gave in to the pressure, and decided to take a nap around 1:30. The next time I saw a clock, it was a little before 6! The family was at The Feast, so I got up and decided to spend some time with Jesus! :) We had an amazing time!!!
Last week at the Christian bookstore, I got a study called “The King’s Daughter: Becoming the Woman God Created You to Be” by Diana Hagee. I had seen a blip about it somewhere, and so I searched it out when we went to the store the other day, and the more I read about it, the more excited I became!
I got it out Friday night, and went through the introduction! That alone started flipping me around! With every word I read, I became so energized and excited, as I realized that I was far from the only person to feel what I have been feeling!
I had an amazing time with Jesus, and went back to bed around 8:30…and the next time I saw the clock, it was 7:30 Saturday morning!!!
Saturday 12/13/08…
I woke up feeling AMAZING!!! So I immediately pulled out my Bible study, and set out on the first chapter! The more I read, the more humbled and broken I became. I realized that God truly does love me EXACTLY as I am! That He doesn’t expect perfection from me!!! If He did, He wouldn’t have sent His son to die for me, and if I think I have to be perfect on my own to please Him, I am totally demeaning everything Jesus did for me!!! I was totally in awe and humbled!!! There are a few passages that I would like to share that really touched me right where I am:
I began to type them, but decided I just couldn’t do it! I enjoy reading them aloud much too much, and enjoy watching the response on the face of the receiver much too much to just type it and send it through in a newsletter! I’m sorry! Please remind me, and I will be more than happy to share them while I am back in Georgia! :)
But anyway, I did the first chapter yesterday morning, and just had a most awesome time with Jesus!!! :)
Backstory…
As I have been discipled by Ashley, and we have begun getting close, she has been sharing a lot of her story with me. Ashley primary Spiritual Gift is Healing, and there is no question about it! She received her gift after she was baptized in the Spirit on her trip to Juarez on Spring Break of ’08. (I’ll be going this coming March – only three months away!!! I am soooo excited! But I have $460 to raise and a passport to get before then, so if you’ll please be praying for everything to come together, I would greatly appreciate that! J) She has told me the story in detail, and I have been incredibly amazed by it, and have been wanting my own story, but in the beginning, didn’t quite know what I was asking for.
Last week, as we were “looking ahead” to this week’s lesson – we’re going through a discipleship packet put out by the church right now – and she told me it was all about the Holy Spirit, and the baptizing of the Spirit! I was about delirious with excitement! Then she told me that she had been praying about when she should pray over me to be baptized with the Spirit, and God had told her it would be very soon! :) She told me not to be disappointed if it didn’t happen this week when we went through this lesson, but to just begin preparing myself for it! :)
Needless to say, all week long I have been almost giddy waiting for today to come! And then after my amazing Bible study the last two days, I was almost overcome with excitement (far more than that of any Christmas morning, birthday, surprise, etc I have ever experienced!!!) !!!
Sunday…12/14/08…
Got to church this morning, and went to the 10:15 service (as always). It was during worship, and I was going all out, when I felt an arm come around me. I looked over, and it was Ashley! She leaned over and began to speak in my ear, telling me that God was telling her that I was to be expectant. To be expectant for far more than I had asked for or could even think of. That I just needed to be open and willing. He was coming! J I must say, that as she walked away and went back to her seat, I was a little worried! I had heard her story of her baptism by the Spirit, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted it to happen without her with me! I wanted my security blanket! But I trusted in what God was doing, so I just returned to my worship, opening myself up to Him completely, and just asking Him to come to me! I had an amazing time in worship, and the sermon was excellent! But I didn’t experience the baptism, so I headed off to my nursery post trusting that it would all come in His perfect timing!
Ashley had sent me a text that I got after I left the nursery saying that we were going to meet at her house (we normally meet at Starbucks). So I figured she knew more than I did about what was to come…
I arrived at her house, eager to get into discipleship! She took us to her room, and we began going through the lesson on the Holy Spirit! It was soooooooooo amazing and thought provoking!!! The scripture opened me up to soooo much that I had never thought of before!
Basically, what it boils down to is this: when you get saved, you are sealed by the Holy Spirit, and He comes into your body (God gave me a picture of my heart being in a Ziploc bag – once we’ve been sealed, we are forever God’s), but when we are baptized by the Holy Spirit, He comes on us (God gave me a picture of a shield/bubble covering around my entire body)! The sealing of the Holy Spirit brings intimacy and relationship with God, but the baptizing of the Holy Spirit bring power and purpose! And the scripture says that to be baptized by the Spirit, you just need someone who’s already been baptized by the Spirit to lay hands on you and petition for it on your behalf – and you have to be open to it, of course.
When we finished the lesson, the last question was: “Do you want to be prayed for to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit today?” My question was, “ What kind of question is that??? Of course I do!”
Ashley then instructed me that she would pray for the Spirit to come, and that my only job was to let Him do His thing! So naturally, I asked her if I could go to the bathroom first! :) (You always have to be prepared! :) ) We both went to go get prepared, and then came back to her bedroom.
(I will tell my spiritual side of things in the normal print, and then I will put what Ashley was seeing in the physical in parenthesis)
I was the first one back, and she had turned on worship music, so I just stood in the middle of the room and began to get with Jesus! I was in the moment, when she walked back in the room, and began to ask the Spirit to infiltrate the house, the room, and us. I just kept doing what I was doing, and then ever so softly, I felt arms slip around my body from behind and just hold me, softly rocking me. And then I felt Jesus lay down on top of me, his body inch for inch in contact with mine. I could even feel the scars on His hands as He pressed His hands into mine. (She said that my feet were firmly planted on the floor, and that my body was rotating in a perfect circle, she was watching me, waiting for the Spirit to come, and when she saw that, she knew that He was there and knew it was time to get her hands on me, and get ready for anything to happen. She said as she touched me, that I sunk to my knees and then just went flat on my stomach on the ground – arms straight up over my head, face firmly planted into the hardwood, legs straight out behind me)
She began praying over me, and the last thing I heard her pray was to God asking Him to give me my prayer language. As she said that, I felt my tongue disappear. I knew I had teeth and gums and such in my mouth, but I didn’t have a tongue in there. I kept trying to speak, but couldn’t say anything because I didn’t have a tongue. Then as suddenly as it disappeared, it reappeared and three words came to my mind in a pattern: 1,2,1,2,3 – instead of numbers, they were words of course. :) And she leaned over and spoke and said, “Vanessa, God is giving you your prayer language. He is speaking words into your mind right now. Just give in. Repeat them after Him, girl! You’ve got your prayer language!” I tried to obey and speak, but it seemed really hard, so I just went back into the presence of God.
When I did, we were on a beach, and I was laying face down in the sand. I could feel the heat warming my entire body (Ashley had her hand on my back, and she said that I was scalding hot to the touch). Then my eyes began to get really bright, over and over and over. They’d dim and brighten. Just one time after another. And then He leaned over my shoulder and I could feel His breath on my neck, cheek and ear as He said, “Friday.” Every time my eyes brightened. – for the past 3 or 4 months, I have had this reoccurring thought that God is going to heal my eyes, and restore my vision…for those of you that don’t know, I’ve worn glasses since first grade, and my vision is quite horrid…and I had shared the thought with Ashley. (She was praying for my eyes to have complete healing. Praying that there would be progressive healing on everything that needed healing on the backside, and then in His perfect timing, for Him to restore my sight to 20/20!) I had told her when I told her about my thoughts, that I couldn’t have progressive healing of my actual vision, because I would never be able to afford all the lenses to get me from where I am, back to “perfect vision!” …yes, I suppose I should just be grateful he’s healing, and not ask for more…but my God says, “Ask and ye shall receive!!!” :D So I did!
Then He started moving our hands into the sand, and began to dig into the sand, and then I felt something with the tips of my fingers, and we dug until it was out. My right hand pulled out a block with the word “Tongues” on it, and my left hand pulled out a block with the word “Faith” on it. He closed my fists around the blocks (Ashley said that my hands and arms began to shake, and then I began rubbing the floor and digging with my fingernails – she had no idea what I was doing, but it all connected once we compared everything at the end).
He got up and went around to my head, and lifted me up out of the sand. In His hand, He had a beautiful white gown. He said, “This is the gown of Faith – will you receive it? I said, “Yes! I will receive it!” And He put it over my head! Then He was holding two white opera gloves and said, “These are the gloves of Wisdom – will you receive them?” And I said, “Yes! I will receive them!” And He put them on my hands/arms. Then He had a tiara in his hands and said, “This is the crown of peace – will you receive it?” And I said, “Yes! I will receive it!” And He put it on my head.
Then He took my hand, and we began to walk beside the ocean in the sand. He would squeeze my hand and look over at me every few seconds and say, “I love you! I love you little girl!”
I felt so full! So loved and cared for! So covered! So protected!
Slowly, I became very aware of my surroundings, and began to realize that I was face-planted in the hardwood floor, and that I was a bit in pain. But I couldn’t move an inch of my body. I was talking in my head (cause I couldn’t make my mouth say anything) to different areas of my body, commanding it to move, but it didn’t help anything! My body felt so incredibly heavy, and I felt totally trapped in my body.
Ever so slowly, different parts of me began to wake up. As they did, I would slowly lift them off the ground and wiggle them. First it was my toes, then my feet, ankles, fingers, wrists, knees, then my whole leg, then my forearms, then my chest, then my head, but I couldn’t get my lower back to lift up. (Ashley had laid a hand on me sometime during her prayer, while she was reading Psalm 139 – which if you don’t know has become one of my key scripture passages since Texas – over me, and she placed her hand right on my middle back and asked the Spirit to come and radiate from my center! So she said that she was sure that the reason it was the last to move, was because that’s where the Spirit had “set up camp!” :) ).
Finally I got my entire body to moving, and I slowly rose up to an Indian-style sitting position, having to hold my head up on my hands. - And even right now as I lie here and type this, I feel so incredibly tired! I feel totally worn out! – all in all, I was “out” a little under an hour. Then it took me a good 15 minutes before my mouth started working and we began to be able to talk about everything that happened! The entire time I was sitting up in awed silence, Ashley just kept laying her hand on me, and praying, thanking the Spirit for His manifestation, and for meeting us! And then praying for my strength to return. And sure enough, it finally did. It was the most awesome experience I have ever had! God is sooooooooo incredibly good! He is so much more than we can even begin to imagine! And I just got to taste a crumb of what He is!!! And it was gooooooood! :)
Can’t wait to see what is to come…
So! I’m ready! :)
There are a couple of conversations God has told me I am to have when I get back to Georgia, and I am preparing for those now! And after today, I am resting quietly in His arms, knowing that He is the know-all, end-all, and all I have to do during the conversations is let Him have my mouth! J He will be in control, and when He has that control, only good can come of the situation. And as Ashley said, even if I am rejected by the people, God is enough, that He will fill me! I will not feel the sting of rejection, because He has already taken that from me!
Hallelujah!
One more thing…
We went evangelizing two weeks ago at LifeGroup, and I walked up to people and shared with them that Jesus loved them and had a purpose for their lives, and then invited them to the Christmas program at church – if you know me at all, you know that I would never, ever, ever go up to a stranger and just start talking to them! I do good to talk to people once I know them well, and I sure don’t talk to groups of strangers! But by the grace of God, I was able to take that step and walk out in the boldness that can only come from the Spirit! I even power-walked with a man out to his car, because we had gotten a word of knowledge for him, and he definitely needed it – even though he didn’t think he did! J (little does he know, he’s getting way more petitioning on his part since he brushed me off than he would have if he had just stopped and listened to me for 60 seconds! I am trusting God to continue breaking him down!)
The End…for now!
Thanks for reading! :) I’ll see you all soon!
I love you!!!
Ok…so I know that you are probably about to fall off your chair when you open your email and see that you are getting a newsletter again so quickly! :)
But it has been an incredibly awesome weekend, and a most amazing, God-filled day, and I couldn’t wait to share it! I knew that I needed to journal before I forgot, so I figured I would type it up in a newsletter and share it with you and get the benefit of journaling, and sharing the awesomeness that is God all at the same time!!! :)
But before I go off on that, I’ll catch you up on the few things that have occurred since the last newsletter! :)
We’ll be back in Georgia in 5 days…
This time next week, we will all be back in Georgia! Woohoo! :) I am incredibly excited to think about getting to see everybody again (it seems like it has been next to FOREVER!)…but at the same time, it is so hard to even think about being away from my babies for so long! I have gotten soooo used to having them around, that it is going to be super hard not being able to just walk down the hall and get a hug or a kiss or a smile! So, having said that, I ask for your prayers while we’re home that it will go smoothly! Davis has had many conversations with me about how sad it is going to be while we are apart for 17 days, and Samantha is just refusing to talk about it – she says that if she pretends it isn’t going to happen, then she doesn’t have to deal with it until it actually does. :) (That’s my girl! Lol)
It is so incredibly hard to even believe that we’ve been here 6 months (on Wednesday) already! But what’s more amazing than that is thinking through everything God has done in the 6 months we’ve been here! Come on now! Let’s give Him All the honor! And All the praise! For He is worthy! And He is good! :)
I just said to Ashley this afternoon: “If God has accomplished all that He has in my life in the past 6 months, what in the world does He have for the next 6 months?!?!?!” All I know is I want it! I crave it! I desire it! :) I want everything He has to give!!!
The Caroler’s
As you may, or may not know, Samantha was in the Christmas play at our church this past week! She was amazing! And God showed up BIG time!!! Preliminary figures has over 3,000 in attendance, with over 300 salvations!!!
It was written by two of the elders in our church, and it was POWERFUL!!! Samantha was “Candy,” the oldest daughter in a family that has a totally warped view based solely on the secular side of Christmas. It was just the right mix of fun and seriousness, with the true meaning presented clearly at the heart of it all!
She had 4 showings – 6:30 & 8:30 this past Tuesday and Thursday – I was able to go to three of the four showings! :)
Elevate…
Sharon and David will have their Final for their first semester of Elevate tomorrow night! Please lift them (and all the other “Elevators” – yes I have entirely too much fun calling them that! :) ) up in your prayers all day tomorrow, but especially tomorrow evening – 7p-11p EST! :)
Friday 12/12/08…
So…Friday, life finally caught up with me. My throat was killing me, and I had a horrible headache! I got off work at 12p, and I finally gave in to the pressure, and decided to take a nap around 1:30. The next time I saw a clock, it was a little before 6! The family was at The Feast, so I got up and decided to spend some time with Jesus! :) We had an amazing time!!!
Last week at the Christian bookstore, I got a study called “The King’s Daughter: Becoming the Woman God Created You to Be” by Diana Hagee. I had seen a blip about it somewhere, and so I searched it out when we went to the store the other day, and the more I read about it, the more excited I became!
I got it out Friday night, and went through the introduction! That alone started flipping me around! With every word I read, I became so energized and excited, as I realized that I was far from the only person to feel what I have been feeling!
I had an amazing time with Jesus, and went back to bed around 8:30…and the next time I saw the clock, it was 7:30 Saturday morning!!!
Saturday 12/13/08…
I woke up feeling AMAZING!!! So I immediately pulled out my Bible study, and set out on the first chapter! The more I read, the more humbled and broken I became. I realized that God truly does love me EXACTLY as I am! That He doesn’t expect perfection from me!!! If He did, He wouldn’t have sent His son to die for me, and if I think I have to be perfect on my own to please Him, I am totally demeaning everything Jesus did for me!!! I was totally in awe and humbled!!! There are a few passages that I would like to share that really touched me right where I am:
I began to type them, but decided I just couldn’t do it! I enjoy reading them aloud much too much, and enjoy watching the response on the face of the receiver much too much to just type it and send it through in a newsletter! I’m sorry! Please remind me, and I will be more than happy to share them while I am back in Georgia! :)
But anyway, I did the first chapter yesterday morning, and just had a most awesome time with Jesus!!! :)
Backstory…
As I have been discipled by Ashley, and we have begun getting close, she has been sharing a lot of her story with me. Ashley primary Spiritual Gift is Healing, and there is no question about it! She received her gift after she was baptized in the Spirit on her trip to Juarez on Spring Break of ’08. (I’ll be going this coming March – only three months away!!! I am soooo excited! But I have $460 to raise and a passport to get before then, so if you’ll please be praying for everything to come together, I would greatly appreciate that! J) She has told me the story in detail, and I have been incredibly amazed by it, and have been wanting my own story, but in the beginning, didn’t quite know what I was asking for.
Last week, as we were “looking ahead” to this week’s lesson – we’re going through a discipleship packet put out by the church right now – and she told me it was all about the Holy Spirit, and the baptizing of the Spirit! I was about delirious with excitement! Then she told me that she had been praying about when she should pray over me to be baptized with the Spirit, and God had told her it would be very soon! :) She told me not to be disappointed if it didn’t happen this week when we went through this lesson, but to just begin preparing myself for it! :)
Needless to say, all week long I have been almost giddy waiting for today to come! And then after my amazing Bible study the last two days, I was almost overcome with excitement (far more than that of any Christmas morning, birthday, surprise, etc I have ever experienced!!!) !!!
Sunday…12/14/08…
Got to church this morning, and went to the 10:15 service (as always). It was during worship, and I was going all out, when I felt an arm come around me. I looked over, and it was Ashley! She leaned over and began to speak in my ear, telling me that God was telling her that I was to be expectant. To be expectant for far more than I had asked for or could even think of. That I just needed to be open and willing. He was coming! J I must say, that as she walked away and went back to her seat, I was a little worried! I had heard her story of her baptism by the Spirit, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted it to happen without her with me! I wanted my security blanket! But I trusted in what God was doing, so I just returned to my worship, opening myself up to Him completely, and just asking Him to come to me! I had an amazing time in worship, and the sermon was excellent! But I didn’t experience the baptism, so I headed off to my nursery post trusting that it would all come in His perfect timing!
Ashley had sent me a text that I got after I left the nursery saying that we were going to meet at her house (we normally meet at Starbucks). So I figured she knew more than I did about what was to come…
I arrived at her house, eager to get into discipleship! She took us to her room, and we began going through the lesson on the Holy Spirit! It was soooooooooo amazing and thought provoking!!! The scripture opened me up to soooo much that I had never thought of before!
Basically, what it boils down to is this: when you get saved, you are sealed by the Holy Spirit, and He comes into your body (God gave me a picture of my heart being in a Ziploc bag – once we’ve been sealed, we are forever God’s), but when we are baptized by the Holy Spirit, He comes on us (God gave me a picture of a shield/bubble covering around my entire body)! The sealing of the Holy Spirit brings intimacy and relationship with God, but the baptizing of the Holy Spirit bring power and purpose! And the scripture says that to be baptized by the Spirit, you just need someone who’s already been baptized by the Spirit to lay hands on you and petition for it on your behalf – and you have to be open to it, of course.
When we finished the lesson, the last question was: “Do you want to be prayed for to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit today?” My question was, “ What kind of question is that??? Of course I do!”
Ashley then instructed me that she would pray for the Spirit to come, and that my only job was to let Him do His thing! So naturally, I asked her if I could go to the bathroom first! :) (You always have to be prepared! :) ) We both went to go get prepared, and then came back to her bedroom.
(I will tell my spiritual side of things in the normal print, and then I will put what Ashley was seeing in the physical in parenthesis)
I was the first one back, and she had turned on worship music, so I just stood in the middle of the room and began to get with Jesus! I was in the moment, when she walked back in the room, and began to ask the Spirit to infiltrate the house, the room, and us. I just kept doing what I was doing, and then ever so softly, I felt arms slip around my body from behind and just hold me, softly rocking me. And then I felt Jesus lay down on top of me, his body inch for inch in contact with mine. I could even feel the scars on His hands as He pressed His hands into mine. (She said that my feet were firmly planted on the floor, and that my body was rotating in a perfect circle, she was watching me, waiting for the Spirit to come, and when she saw that, she knew that He was there and knew it was time to get her hands on me, and get ready for anything to happen. She said as she touched me, that I sunk to my knees and then just went flat on my stomach on the ground – arms straight up over my head, face firmly planted into the hardwood, legs straight out behind me)
She began praying over me, and the last thing I heard her pray was to God asking Him to give me my prayer language. As she said that, I felt my tongue disappear. I knew I had teeth and gums and such in my mouth, but I didn’t have a tongue in there. I kept trying to speak, but couldn’t say anything because I didn’t have a tongue. Then as suddenly as it disappeared, it reappeared and three words came to my mind in a pattern: 1,2,1,2,3 – instead of numbers, they were words of course. :) And she leaned over and spoke and said, “Vanessa, God is giving you your prayer language. He is speaking words into your mind right now. Just give in. Repeat them after Him, girl! You’ve got your prayer language!” I tried to obey and speak, but it seemed really hard, so I just went back into the presence of God.
When I did, we were on a beach, and I was laying face down in the sand. I could feel the heat warming my entire body (Ashley had her hand on my back, and she said that I was scalding hot to the touch). Then my eyes began to get really bright, over and over and over. They’d dim and brighten. Just one time after another. And then He leaned over my shoulder and I could feel His breath on my neck, cheek and ear as He said, “Friday.” Every time my eyes brightened. – for the past 3 or 4 months, I have had this reoccurring thought that God is going to heal my eyes, and restore my vision…for those of you that don’t know, I’ve worn glasses since first grade, and my vision is quite horrid…and I had shared the thought with Ashley. (She was praying for my eyes to have complete healing. Praying that there would be progressive healing on everything that needed healing on the backside, and then in His perfect timing, for Him to restore my sight to 20/20!) I had told her when I told her about my thoughts, that I couldn’t have progressive healing of my actual vision, because I would never be able to afford all the lenses to get me from where I am, back to “perfect vision!” …yes, I suppose I should just be grateful he’s healing, and not ask for more…but my God says, “Ask and ye shall receive!!!” :D So I did!
Then He started moving our hands into the sand, and began to dig into the sand, and then I felt something with the tips of my fingers, and we dug until it was out. My right hand pulled out a block with the word “Tongues” on it, and my left hand pulled out a block with the word “Faith” on it. He closed my fists around the blocks (Ashley said that my hands and arms began to shake, and then I began rubbing the floor and digging with my fingernails – she had no idea what I was doing, but it all connected once we compared everything at the end).
He got up and went around to my head, and lifted me up out of the sand. In His hand, He had a beautiful white gown. He said, “This is the gown of Faith – will you receive it? I said, “Yes! I will receive it!” And He put it over my head! Then He was holding two white opera gloves and said, “These are the gloves of Wisdom – will you receive them?” And I said, “Yes! I will receive them!” And He put them on my hands/arms. Then He had a tiara in his hands and said, “This is the crown of peace – will you receive it?” And I said, “Yes! I will receive it!” And He put it on my head.
Then He took my hand, and we began to walk beside the ocean in the sand. He would squeeze my hand and look over at me every few seconds and say, “I love you! I love you little girl!”
I felt so full! So loved and cared for! So covered! So protected!
Slowly, I became very aware of my surroundings, and began to realize that I was face-planted in the hardwood floor, and that I was a bit in pain. But I couldn’t move an inch of my body. I was talking in my head (cause I couldn’t make my mouth say anything) to different areas of my body, commanding it to move, but it didn’t help anything! My body felt so incredibly heavy, and I felt totally trapped in my body.
Ever so slowly, different parts of me began to wake up. As they did, I would slowly lift them off the ground and wiggle them. First it was my toes, then my feet, ankles, fingers, wrists, knees, then my whole leg, then my forearms, then my chest, then my head, but I couldn’t get my lower back to lift up. (Ashley had laid a hand on me sometime during her prayer, while she was reading Psalm 139 – which if you don’t know has become one of my key scripture passages since Texas – over me, and she placed her hand right on my middle back and asked the Spirit to come and radiate from my center! So she said that she was sure that the reason it was the last to move, was because that’s where the Spirit had “set up camp!” :) ).
Finally I got my entire body to moving, and I slowly rose up to an Indian-style sitting position, having to hold my head up on my hands. - And even right now as I lie here and type this, I feel so incredibly tired! I feel totally worn out! – all in all, I was “out” a little under an hour. Then it took me a good 15 minutes before my mouth started working and we began to be able to talk about everything that happened! The entire time I was sitting up in awed silence, Ashley just kept laying her hand on me, and praying, thanking the Spirit for His manifestation, and for meeting us! And then praying for my strength to return. And sure enough, it finally did. It was the most awesome experience I have ever had! God is sooooooooo incredibly good! He is so much more than we can even begin to imagine! And I just got to taste a crumb of what He is!!! And it was gooooooood! :)
Can’t wait to see what is to come…
So! I’m ready! :)
There are a couple of conversations God has told me I am to have when I get back to Georgia, and I am preparing for those now! And after today, I am resting quietly in His arms, knowing that He is the know-all, end-all, and all I have to do during the conversations is let Him have my mouth! J He will be in control, and when He has that control, only good can come of the situation. And as Ashley said, even if I am rejected by the people, God is enough, that He will fill me! I will not feel the sting of rejection, because He has already taken that from me!
Hallelujah!
One more thing…
We went evangelizing two weeks ago at LifeGroup, and I walked up to people and shared with them that Jesus loved them and had a purpose for their lives, and then invited them to the Christmas program at church – if you know me at all, you know that I would never, ever, ever go up to a stranger and just start talking to them! I do good to talk to people once I know them well, and I sure don’t talk to groups of strangers! But by the grace of God, I was able to take that step and walk out in the boldness that can only come from the Spirit! I even power-walked with a man out to his car, because we had gotten a word of knowledge for him, and he definitely needed it – even though he didn’t think he did! J (little does he know, he’s getting way more petitioning on his part since he brushed me off than he would have if he had just stopped and listened to me for 60 seconds! I am trusting God to continue breaking him down!)
The End…for now!
Thanks for reading! :) I’ll see you all soon!
I love you!!!
November 2008
And now the story begins…
…with an apology… :)
I am so sorry it has taken me so long to send out another update! School schedules and the involvement with activities at the church have kept us all on our toes! :) But we are loving every minute of it! :)
Once again, in an effort to just get the newsletter on out to you, I am not going to go back and read the last one, I am just going to jump in and hope I don’t repeat myself too much!
Where to begin…
Let’s start at the very beginning… :) (I am very disappointed if you are not singing that song in your head right now! :) )
I am trying very hard to think of all the things that have happened since the beginning of September, so that you can be completely up to date. So please bear with me! :)
Urban Children’s LifeGroup
As I may, or may not, have mentioned last time, I am one of the leaders in our Urban Children’s LifeGroup. In the LifeGroup I lead, we have 5 leaders (myself included) and, depending on the day, anywhere from 10-20 girls in 5th and 6th grade. We meet every Friday from 4-6 and have seen remarkable change in all of our girls in the past 3 months! Praise God!
These girls come from rough backgrounds. They have experienced more in their 11 years than I will probably experience in my entire lifetime. Lots of them have either one, or both, parents in prison, and are being passed around from family member to family member, because no one wants to keep them too long. They have many, many siblings, and get lost in the shuffle many times. They don’t receive individual attention at home, and often seek it outside their home in ways that make my stomach churn and my heart break.
At the beginning of the semester, all these girls were incredibly hard, and would not say anything to us. When they did talk, it wasn’t anything that was very nice, or appropriate. They didn’t listen to the lessons, they held their ears closed when we had worship time, and they refused to be quiet during prayer time. We didn’t push them, we just talked over them, sang over them and prayed over them. We pick them up and drop them off, and in our cars, on the way to pick these girls up, we were praying our hearts out, begging God to just let LifeGroup go off without any of them getting in a fight with another one, or any hurtful words shared.
During one particularly horrible Friday afternoon, I was at a complete loss. As one girl was screaming insults at our leader that was playing the guitar and attempting to lead worship, another was being completely defiant and trying to escape, while 3 others were sitting against the wall, ears plugged and singing the lyrics to very inappropriate songs at the top of their lungs, 2 others were off in a corner, marking all over each other’s legs with Sharpies. I didn’t even know where to begin. So I backed away and began to pray. What God spoke to my heart radically changed my perception, at in a roundabout way, began to change our girls.
I called the leaders (there were only three of us there that night – the other two leaders were sick) together and shared with them what God had given me: He had spoken to my heart that the problem is that all these girls see is “White girls” that have it all together. We have cars, a place to live where there aren’t 15 people crammed in one house, jobs that provide us with money, the knowledge that we are going to be able to eat food at every mealtime and clean clothes – basically, we are everything they aren’t. We have everything they don’t. So He showed me that we had to let them see who we truly were. We had to let them understand that it always hadn’t been like this for us either. So we prayed together as leaders that God would just let them be quiet long enough for them to hear what we wanted to share with them, and that they would have open hearts to accept what was coming.
Sidenote…
I had never heard either of their stories before this night, so I was just trusting that God would have a plan. :)
Back to the story…
The first leader to share was Holly. Holly has never raised her voice from almost a whisper since I’ve met her. She always has a smile on her face and a kind word for anyone she comes into contact with. As she began to share how she used to be so angry, and she used to beat up her little sisters, and scream at her parents, the girls started listening. Then she began to tell them how God had pursued her and changed her from the inside out. How He had shown her that she just had a heart full of anger, and that was why she was doing the things she was doing. And then she described to them what her life had been like ever since. That she had a peace, a happiness and a joy that she had never experienced when she was using her fists to solve her problems.
Then Carrie shared. She had a “normal” childhood. She was an only child that was doted on and loved on by both of her parents, had been to private schools and had gotten saved when she was 4. (As she was sharing, I was inwardly cringing – I know, horrible of me to even think it, let alone share it with you all… - But I was! I was thinking, “Oh no! That is exactly what they think we are already! Why did we have to have an example of it among our leaders?!?!?” – not that I wanted her to have had a horrible childhood, but I just knew that those girls were sitting there thinking, “Yep. I knew it. They don’t know nothin’ about what we live in.” – but of course, God was in control, and I shouldn’t have even had one negative thought!) The girls were beginning to start moving around again, and we asked them to please sit still while we finished.
They gave in, and I began to share my story. As I shared with them my past, opened up about Daddy, and the feelings I had dealt with over everything that had happened, they began pressing in. I shared with them how my view of God had been skewed, because I had always been taught that God was my heavenly father, and that the only father I had, had physically abused me and my mama, had never been a leading example for me, had never been there for me while I was growing up, had chosen to chase after other women, rather than chase after his own children, and had – as far as my heart was concerned – never truly loved me. I then shared with them my own story of salvation, telling them about how I had been in church all my life, had thought I was saved when I was 8, but that God showed me otherwise when I was 19, and He really pursued me! I shared with them about how God had moved me to Waco, and shared some of the awesome things that have been happening since I’ve been here.
When I finished, they sat in complete silence for a few seconds, and then the questions started rapid-fire. I answered as best I could, and they began to share stories from their own pasts. It opened our eyes to what they have lived in, and it started to bond us together as a group. Here were these girls sharing the deep places of their hearts with the people they hadn’t even been looking at or talking too respectfully before then. It was an AWESOME act of God!
We had a sleepover two weekends later, and had 14 girls and 5 leaders in attendance. They made “human banana splits” on three of our heads – we cut a hole in the bottom of a trash bag, and stuck our head through it – in an effort to keep our clothes somewhat clean. HA! – then we sat on our knees on top of another trash bag, with a folding chair beside it loaded with all the ingredients!
The girls were broken up into three teams, and were instructed on how to make their banana split. They were to peel the banana and put it on our head first. Then they had a can of whipped cream, a Ziploc baggy FULL of chocolate syrup, a Ziploc baggy FULL of sprinkles and two cherries (with stem!) to “top” their banana split with. It was the ickiest feeling ever! It was sooooooooo gross! And I had to wash my hair seven times before I even began feeling clean! I stupidly did not straighten my hair before I went, and wore it curly, and those sprinkles and banana mush were just seemingly permanently attached to my hair follicles! Lol! But you know what? They loved it! And that’s all that really mattered in the end! They had an awesome time, and for the rest of the night, they kept talking about how they couldn’t believe we had let them do that to our hair! :) So…mission accomplished! :) They felt loved! And they felt special!
After the sleepover, our group has continued to grow by leaps and bounds, and the girls have gotten so close to each other, and to us. They hug us and tell us they love us when we drop them off! They sit in our laps and throw their arms around our necks! They listen when we share the lesson! They participate in discussion! They listen when other girls are talking! They ask questions! They share! They don’t have to be first when the snacks come out! They help serve instead!!! :) It is sooooo incredibly awesome!
God is soooooooooooo good! :)
Babies are fun!
I started helping with the nursery on Sunday mornings.
I work (for my job) from 6A-9A. Jump in the shower the minute I get off work, and Davis and I walk out the door to head to church at 9:35. We are there by 10 to get him signed in for The Journey, and then I head into the 10:15 service. I work the 12p service in the Flamingo room! :) During that service, the Flamingos and the Hippos are combined, so we have babies 0-18months! :) And they are absolutely precious, and soooo much fun! :)
I am also babysitting on my day off most weeks for a couple that is in Sharon and David’s LifeGroup (Sharon disciples Laura, David disciples Christen, and Laura is my coworker in the nursery on Sunday mornings! Small world? :)). Miss Caroline is 3 and is absolutely adorable, and baby Aubrey will be 8 months tomorrow! :)
In Other News…
God is moving! He is working all in me! Breaking down and rebuilding! It’s crazy! :) But it is awesome! The last two weeks have been mind-blowing in the intensity in which He has been throwing stuff at me! I have gotten amazing words of prophecy spoken into me, speaking on my future.
At the end of LifeGroup, we break up into groups of 2-3 (girls with girls, guys with guys) to pray for one another. The first Wednesday night I went to this LifeGroup, a girl named Candice (she is one of the 4 leaders) prayed with me. And two weeks ago, she bee lined for me as soon as we were released to break into groups, and told me that she had to pray with me. Needless to say, where this would have freaked me out 6 months ago, it is common occurrence now :), so we just sank to the floor and began talking. She started telling me how as she was watching me during worship, God spoke to her so strongly to come and encourage me. She spoke exactly what I had been feeling, but had not shared with anyone! (Oooooh! He’s good! :) ) Then she told me that the reason I feel like I finally get a grip on one thing, only to find myself having to work on another area, is not because I’ll never be good enough, or that I am so utterly broken I’m never going to be able to be used, but because God is putting me through boot-camp! She said that she knows that everyone has a call on their life, but she said that she could sense such an overwhelming sense of God’s presence on my life, and that He was telling her that I was going through boot-camp, because He was going to use me in a mighty way, and He needed me to get ready sooner, rather than later! Holy cow! Talk about having your world turned upside down!!! I had arrived at LifeGroup feeling battered and bruised, as I had been intensely experiencing things that week, and had been dealing with lots of heart matters. I was feeling like I might as well give up, because it didn’t seem to matter what I did, as soon as one thing seemed to get “fixed,” another area to be fixed was right on its’ tail. I even said to myself that very day, “Vanessa, you’ll never be good enough to do anything huge for God, because you’re too broken.” (Yes. I know. Sometimes I forget who my heavenly daddy is! That was one of those times!) And then for Him to come and have her speak so mightily into me! Using my own words to myself to show me just how big He is!
Over the two weeks since then, He has continued to rock my world!
Just last night, I get this text from a friend:Vanessa, I was praying for you and felt like God said that your love for Him, plus your openness to Him moving, equals healing His way and His timing. For no other reason than He just loves you.”
Whoa! Come on now! :) How good is my God??? :)
Healing and discipleship…
At the beginning of October, I began to get icky sick. I was extremely congested, coughed all the time, could not breathe through my nose. I was absolutely miserable. It was like every sinus infection I have ever had (and I’ve had a ton) had united together and decided to attack me all at once!
I was not sleeping worth anything, because when I did try to sleep, I couldn’t lie down, because if I did I either felt like I was choking, or going to stop breathing, or my poor nose was running uncontrollably. It was quite miserable. I was taking every over the counter medicine I could find. Eating cough drops like they were candy. Chloraseptic drops were my best friend, as they allowed my throat to be numb enough for me to talk for 8hrs so I could continue working. :)
This went on for about two weeks, and one Wednesday night at LifeGroup, I had to leave and go walk outside during the prayer, cause I had gotten so hot, and had started coughing and couldn’t stop. All that day, I had felt like I was in a fog. I couldn’t see clearly and I felt like an elephant was sitting on me. My head was killing me and I was just generally feeling like poopy. But I went on to LifeGroup, cause I really didn’t want to miss it! As I was driving Samantha to her LifeGroup (I drop her off at her junior high LifeGroup each Wednesday, before I head to mine.), I was just praying that God would get us there safely. Cause it sure wasn’t going to be me getting us there safely. My vision was blurred, and I was freezing and burning up all at the same time.
I dropped her off, and headed on over to my LifeGroup. When I got there, I went in and Amanda saw me and opened her arms to hug me “hello” and I just collapsed into her. I was exhausted. She immediately started praying for me, that I would feel better, and that God would give me a special touch.
LifeGroup started, and she sat really close to me – I think she was afraid I was going to fall out. We all stood up to commission our new leaders (they had been interns, and were becoming full blown leaders), and the more they prayed, the weaker my knees got, the hotter I became, and the worse my coughing got. I eventually broke away from the pack and went outside. My world was spinning, and I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to do. I just wanted to get home, and be in my bed. I turned around to go inside and get my stuff, and when I did, everyone was coming outside. I didn’t know what was going on, but I really didn’t care. I walked back in, grabbed my stuff, and headed outside. I was almost to the curb, and Ed (one of the leaders) stopped me to ask if I would like to pair up with a girl who had never been there before (#1 I didn’t know her; #2 I didn’t know what we were pairing off for; #3 I just wanted to go home). I was just standing there staring at him, when Amanda put her hand on my back, and asked if I was ok. I turned around, and fell into her arms again. By this time, I was crying, and for those of you who know me well, that is not normal behavior for me when I’m not feeling well, but especially not over a “sinus infection.” She was just holding me and rubbing my back. I was trying to tell her that Ed wanted me to go somewhere with somebody, and I just wanted to go home. She was praying, and all of a sudden yelled, “Ashley! Please come over here!” I didn’t know what was going on, and I really didn’t care. So somebody came up behind me and Amanda started telling her what was going on. Then she asked me to tell her exactly where I was hurting and what it felt like. I tried to lift my head to look at her and I couldn’t even do that. It felt so heavy. So I just kept my eyes closed and my head on Amanda’s shoulder and told her as best I could what had been going on. She started praying, commanding healing to come into my body. She was naming every body part that had to do with my respiratory system, and even prayed for the healing of the skin under my nose where it was so raw from blowing it so much. As she was praying, I stopped coughing!!! I felt a shift in my breathing – my mouth was closed!!! And I was breathing out my nose!!! My tears stopped flowing!!! And then I started to feel cooler!!! And then my head began to feel lighter!!! I opened my eyes to test them out, and the world wasn’t spinning!!!
Ashley was still praying, Amanda was praising God – cause she could feel the changes in my breathing and body temperature even before I told her anything, because she was right against me!
Then Ashley came around in front of me and asked me how I was feeling. I lifted my head off Amanda’s shoulder and told her of all the changes I was feeling! Then I reached up and touched the skin under my nose, and it was silky smooth!!! :) I was still a little raspy, but I was sooooooooo much better!!!
We went back on inside, and continued on with LifeGroup, after we told everybody what had happened, and praised God for all He had done. As LifeGroup got started back up, I started getting warm again, and then the coughing started up. As soon as we were released to get into our small groups, I gathered my stuff and headed for the door. I figured I had started coughing because it was hot, so I just needed to get back outside! As I was walking out the door, Ashley touched my arm and asked if she could come too – she said that she felt like God was telling her that there was more healing to be done! I of course told her to please come! And out we went!
Sidenote…
Ashley is another connection that goes round and round. Ashley is Amanda’s roommate. She moved here from Dalls to go to Elevate, and is in Elevate PM with Sharon and David. Sharon has gotten to know her very well, and had shared some of Ashley’s story with us one night at supper a couple of week’s before this. She had gone on the Juarez ’08 trip, and she had been baptized in the Spirit there. She had an AMAZING story about that that I could possibly get her to type up so I can send it on sometime. But basically, her gift is healing, and the Spirit manifests itself in her through a tremble. Depending on the depth of the healing, it can be controlled to just her hand, or her entire body can be in convulsions.
The night she prayed for me, her left hand and arm were shaking like crazy! :) Oooooh! He’s good! :)
Back to the story…
We got outside, and she began to tell me that the Spirit was not finished healing, because she was still shaking – it was at this point that I made all the connections and realized who she was.
She began just talking to me, asking some questions, and I began to pour my heart out to her.
Basically, what we figured out – or rather, what God allowed us to see – is that I had started with a normal, run of the mill sinus infection, and Satan had worsened it and used it to trap me. I had been really getting close to God, and was getting up super, duper early to do my quiet times, and they were being so fruitful right before my sinus infection started, then all of a sudden, it started getting all kinds of worse and I couldn’t even focus. When I did my quiet time I’d read the same sentence 20 times and finally give up. It was so frustrating. As we talked, and realized what was going on, she began to command Satan to leave my body, and to get away from me,
Then she started asking more questions, and said that she felt like God was telling me that there were some areas of unforgiveness in my past. She began to pray for me, and as she prayed, my mouth opened and started talking – 95% of the stuff that was coming out of my mouth I had never even thought of! I didn’t even realize it was stuff that had been in my heart, because I never even think about it! I was squalling and praying and releasing it, and it was sooooo cleansing!
When we finished I felt significantly better, but there was still a little bit of wheezing and a small cough.
Amanda, Ashley and I went to IHOP for a very late dinner and a little girl talk. We had an amazing time, and I felt an instant connection to Ashley.
That night I slept better than I had since the entire thing had started, but when I woke up the next morning, I was coughing a little bit more than I had been when I went to bed. By Friday morning, I was back to coughing the way I had been before LifeGroup on Wednesday and my ribs felt like they were on fire, but that was all – I didn’t have any of the other horrible stuff.
It was Halloween – the day Sharon and David were to leave for their Fall Outreach to Austin. And I was off work, so Sharon and I were cleaning the house. Since Elevate had been the night before, Sharon had stopped in the doorway to Davis’ room and was telling me about class (she always catches me up on their classes the day after! I feel like I am getting a small taste of what they’re getting!). She was talking about this man’s church that was just blowing wide open with healings off HUGE sizes taking place (cancer gone, paralytics healed, blind to see, etc). She said that she was sooooo pumped up, and that as she had been grocery shopping that morning, she kept asking God to send her somebody that she could pray for healing for! She walked through the entire grocery store, and didn’t see someone with as much as a sniffle! She was a little disappointed, but was still incredibly excited about that weekend, and new that God was going to do great healings in Austin. She left the room, and we went on about our cleaning.
After we were finished, I was in my room getting Davis’ birthday boxes prepared, and she came to my door and told me she had to repent. I asked her what in the world for, and she told me that she was so ashamed, because she had been praying at WalMart for God to give her someone to pray healing over, and there was someone in her own house that needed healing. So she asked forgiveness and then asked for permission to pray healing. Of course I told her to go right ahead! She began to pray, and as she did I stopped coughing, and then God revealed more of my picture.
A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words…
I don’t know whether I have shared my picture with you or not, and I am realizing that this newsletter is getting incredibly long, but it is kind of important for me to take a moment to explain the picture before I go any further.
When we first moved here, it seemed like everywhere I went, people were talking about getting pictures. I was intrigued, and finally asked Sharon what they were talking about. She explained that sometimes instead of God just giving us a thought, or speaking to us with words, He gives us pictures. I thought that sounded pretty awesome, so I decided I wanted a picture.
For three weeks after my conversation with her, I would lie in bed at night begging for God to give me a picture. I would beg until I cried, and then I would cry until I fell asleep from exhaustion.
Finally, one night I just got mad. I let God know that He could just keep his pictures, because I wasn’t going to beg for them anymore. I was finished. He could just keep using words, and give His pictures to everybody else. And in that moment, I let it go and didn’t think another thing about it.
About two months after that, I was lying in bed and could not go to sleep. I had done as Sharon had suggested earlier in the summer, and prayed and asked if there was something I needed to be praying for, or if there was something I needed to read, or do. But I was getting no answers. It was round about 4:30A, and I was starting to get upset, because I had to be up at 5:30 for work. I was lying there just praying that I could go to sleep, and that the hour of sleep I would get would feel like 10!
Then, it happened! I got my picture! And the funniest part is, until it was over, I didn’t even realize I had gotten it!
I was sitting on grass in front of a wooden bench, and there were wooden blocks (the old timey ones that have the colored outline around the edge on all 6 sides, and have a letter in the middle) with words on them that I couldn‘t make out, as far as the eye could see. I was feeling completely overwhelmed, cause I knew I was supposed to build with the blocks, but there were just so many of them, and I had no idea where to begin. Out of the corner of my right eye, I saw someone on the bench – well, I only saw their leg from the knee down, covered in a white robe, and their hand resting atop their knee. He silently slid off the bench and sat cross-legged next to me. Then He took His hands, and pushed the blocks back, clearing a space right in front of us. He began reaching all into the blocks, searching for just the right ones, and laid them down side by side in a very large square in front of us. When He finished, He sat back, patted my knee, and then waved his hand across the square of blocks. I began to be able to read the words on them and each block said “My Word.” He said, “Vanessa. My Word is to be your foundation. Don’t worry about any of the other blocks until your foundation is secure.”
And then it was over as quickly as it had started. I was just lying in my bed, thinking over it all
when it hit me that I had gotten my picture! I jumped out of bed, and started jumping up and down and dancing around the room! :) I would have been screaming and singing too, but it was 4:30A and everyone else was asleep! :)
Back to the story…
So…Sharon is praying for my healing, my coughing has stopped and I’m breathing normally, and then God adds to my picture!
I’m back on the grass, and He is still sitting cross-legged right beside me. He nods His head (almost as if to say, “It’s time.”) and begins to reach back into the pile of blocks, taking out certain ones from all around us, and building another layer on top of the “My Word” layer (well, it was one block in on each side – as if it will eventually turn into a squared off pyramid as we keep building). This time when He sat back finished, and waved His hand over the blocks, each one of them said “Trust.” He said, “My Vanessa. Do you trust me to heal you? More importantly, do you trust me with your hurt? Do you trust me with your disappointment? Do you trust me with your future? I am trustworthy. When you fully trust, you will be boundless, and we will walk hand in hand through everything that is to come. Just let go, and accept my healing, and everything else I have to offer.”
Needless to say, that absolutely broke my heart, and humbled me right down to my toes. It just never ceases to amaze me – though it shouldn’t surprise me so, because it is the very nature of God – that He always speaks right into the heart of my pain and brokenness, but does it in such a gentle way, so as not to cause further damage. He is all about the restorative! And I am all about receiving his restoration! :)
So. After that prayer, and that final touch of humility and healing, I have been right as rain! :)
He is sooooooooooooooo good! :)
What the Future Holds…
Now don’t get too excited, because I don’t have any definite answers on anything! :) But I have had several people in the last few weeks prophecy over me as to what God is doing in me right now, and have been allowed to feel His presence and His peace through the words He is allowing other people to speak into my life.
I already told you about the word on the boot-camp, and that God has something for me that He is intensely preparing me for.
Another word was that the desire I have for a husband and a family is not just something I have cooked up. It is a desire that God Himself put in my heart, and He will bring it to fulfillment in His time. He is repairing the brokenness, and making me completely whole in Him.
Some realizations……
I was instant messaging a friend from home last night, and had the opportunity to type out a lot of what has been going on in my mind and heart in the last several months. So I am going to try to piece together my side of the conversation, so you can see some of what all is going on! :)
I was speaking to them about how awesome life gets when you just begin to let go. How everything changes inside you. How your perspective changes, and life becomes so different.
The first topic was hurt.
You know what's awesome though? When you begin to truly rely on God, making Him first and everything else secondary, the hurt isn't nearly as bad. It isn't a knife any more, it is just a tiny bee sting. Cause He takes it for you. When He is your savior, you should accept (although sometimes, like in my case it took me forever to accept it!) that not only did He die and take all your sins to the cross with Him, but He also died and took all of your pain, fear, rejection, and hurt with Him as well. We don’t bear it alone.
The thing I have learned the most, is that until I die to self (and it is a daily, sometimes hourly or even moment by moment choice!) , He still loves me, because I'm His, but there isn't a lot of fruit being produced in and around my life. When I was back home, and I was living strictly for my pleasure, and my gain, none of this stuff (prophecy into my life, words of knowledge, pictures, etc) was happening. But now that I have surrendered, great things are happening frequently! People didn't have words for me back home, because God gave me the freedom to choose, and I wasn't choosing the path that was leading for His fulfillment of His plan for my life – I was just living life my way. When you finally let go and let Him have all the power over your life [that’s when you will be able to experience true joy.]
And then I began to talk about how I have learned to let go, and how it felt when I first started trying to let go.
It is scary as all get out, but in the end, it is so much better than anything you could have created for yourself. We can't let go, until we allow Him to take the reigns Then, only with His help, are we able to fully release. You can't be logical about it. That is another thing He has been pounding into my head all summer! And I think I am finally getting it.
Then I pulled out the scripture that God has been using to really work on my heart.
”For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen." ~Ephesians 3:14-21
The reason I was first led to these verses, was because people kept praying over me when I first got here - those that knew me, and those that had never met me before praying for me - the verses of "to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." When I went searching for those, I found the rest of the prayer.
This summer, the focus of our family devoted times was the Holy Spirit, and I will openly admit, that until I started going to The Lord's Vineyard, and when I moved here, I had never really been presented with much knowledge about the Holy Spirit. When I got saved, I was told He was living inside me, but I really didn't have a clue what that meant.
As we began to look into all of that, my knowledge of the Holy Spirit grew, and I was so excited to know that I had all of Him in me!
The first scriptures we read when we started looking at the Holy Spirit in our family devoted times was the account of Jesus’ baptism in Luke 3, where the Holy Spirit descended on him like a dove.
Then going on in Luke 4:1 “Jesus full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit…”
And finally, Luke 4:18 when he reads the scroll of the prophet Isaiah – “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom to the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed…”
Ok now! If that Spirit that is being talked about in Isaiah, is the same one that is in Jesus, and allows Him to do everything He did during His ministry on earth – lame to walk, blind to see, dead to rise, etc. Then why on earth aren’t we all doing more for the kingdom of God?!?!?! His Spirit is in US!!! There is NOTHING we cannot do with His Spirit inside us! If we will believe, and begin to walk as closely with God as Jesus did – hearing his constant voice and following His leading, then we too could make the lame walk, the blind see, and we could even make the dead rise – All through the power of the Spirit inside us!!! Jesus couldn’t do it without Him, so we can’t either! But once we grasp what a power is lying dormant in us, just waiting for us to acknowledge it so it can burst forth, then AWESOME things begin to occur!!! :)
Now to track back, if you will remember with me, that I thought I had gotten saved when I was 8, during Sunday School, but I was not truly saved until I was 19.
So during devotions, we all talked about our salvation experiences, and then we talked about what the Bible says happens after salvation. And that's when it got hard. It was so far beyond anything I had ever been taught, or could understand. I kept trying to make everything fit into a box, and it just wouldn't go in it! Then I tried to analyze and completely understand all I was learning. And I just couldn't!
It hasn't been until the last couple of weeks, when I have been focusing on these verses, and God has been speaking to me strongly through the words "surpasses knowledge," that I have really begun to get it.
God surpasses my knowledge. He is supernatural! I CANNOT understand Him fully! This side of Heaven, I will only get rare glimpses of anything larger than a morsel of understanding of His full kingdom! In order to live the life of freedom I am finding, I just have to have faith! I have to believe that He loves me unconditionally - another thing that has been incredibly hard for me to accept - and that He truly does want what's best for my life - even if it isn't what I think would be best!
Once I realized this, I slowly began to uncurl my fingers from the reigns. One knuckle at a time I began to let go. And I began noticing that the more I relaxed my grip, the more people were speaking into me. The more I was hearing from God myself. And the more peace I was finding every day. Then I began noticing that my reactions to things were changing. My attitude toward life and other people was changing. The way I held myself, thought about myself, and treated myself began to change. The way I thought about others began to change. It wasn't an overnight thing, but a gradual one. When other people began to tell me that they were noticing a change, I knew something was really going on.
There are days I royally mess up. Days where I yank back the reigns, and hold on for all I'm worth. There are days when I fight with God, and try to tell Him what needs to happen. Inevitably He wins, and inevitably I am better off for Him winning.
I am so blessed on the days that I am obedient. But thank God! He allows me to learn, and to be blessed even win I am disobedient!
The other verses I have really been focusing on this summer have been Psalm 139 and Psalm 103.
They are powerful and humbling. The glory of God is so overwhelming...and at the same time, He just loves us. Just loves us for us. Exactly as we are. Even in our filth. Even when we are being nasty and completely out of the plans He has for us. He still loves us, and He still wants the best for our lives. All we have to do is reach out to Him, and ask Him to help us let go of the reigns!
Wow…
This is incredibly long and I am sorry! But I think you are caught up now! :) I love you!
…with an apology… :)
I am so sorry it has taken me so long to send out another update! School schedules and the involvement with activities at the church have kept us all on our toes! :) But we are loving every minute of it! :)
Once again, in an effort to just get the newsletter on out to you, I am not going to go back and read the last one, I am just going to jump in and hope I don’t repeat myself too much!
Where to begin…
Let’s start at the very beginning… :) (I am very disappointed if you are not singing that song in your head right now! :) )
I am trying very hard to think of all the things that have happened since the beginning of September, so that you can be completely up to date. So please bear with me! :)
Urban Children’s LifeGroup
As I may, or may not, have mentioned last time, I am one of the leaders in our Urban Children’s LifeGroup. In the LifeGroup I lead, we have 5 leaders (myself included) and, depending on the day, anywhere from 10-20 girls in 5th and 6th grade. We meet every Friday from 4-6 and have seen remarkable change in all of our girls in the past 3 months! Praise God!
These girls come from rough backgrounds. They have experienced more in their 11 years than I will probably experience in my entire lifetime. Lots of them have either one, or both, parents in prison, and are being passed around from family member to family member, because no one wants to keep them too long. They have many, many siblings, and get lost in the shuffle many times. They don’t receive individual attention at home, and often seek it outside their home in ways that make my stomach churn and my heart break.
At the beginning of the semester, all these girls were incredibly hard, and would not say anything to us. When they did talk, it wasn’t anything that was very nice, or appropriate. They didn’t listen to the lessons, they held their ears closed when we had worship time, and they refused to be quiet during prayer time. We didn’t push them, we just talked over them, sang over them and prayed over them. We pick them up and drop them off, and in our cars, on the way to pick these girls up, we were praying our hearts out, begging God to just let LifeGroup go off without any of them getting in a fight with another one, or any hurtful words shared.
During one particularly horrible Friday afternoon, I was at a complete loss. As one girl was screaming insults at our leader that was playing the guitar and attempting to lead worship, another was being completely defiant and trying to escape, while 3 others were sitting against the wall, ears plugged and singing the lyrics to very inappropriate songs at the top of their lungs, 2 others were off in a corner, marking all over each other’s legs with Sharpies. I didn’t even know where to begin. So I backed away and began to pray. What God spoke to my heart radically changed my perception, at in a roundabout way, began to change our girls.
I called the leaders (there were only three of us there that night – the other two leaders were sick) together and shared with them what God had given me: He had spoken to my heart that the problem is that all these girls see is “White girls” that have it all together. We have cars, a place to live where there aren’t 15 people crammed in one house, jobs that provide us with money, the knowledge that we are going to be able to eat food at every mealtime and clean clothes – basically, we are everything they aren’t. We have everything they don’t. So He showed me that we had to let them see who we truly were. We had to let them understand that it always hadn’t been like this for us either. So we prayed together as leaders that God would just let them be quiet long enough for them to hear what we wanted to share with them, and that they would have open hearts to accept what was coming.
Sidenote…
I had never heard either of their stories before this night, so I was just trusting that God would have a plan. :)
Back to the story…
The first leader to share was Holly. Holly has never raised her voice from almost a whisper since I’ve met her. She always has a smile on her face and a kind word for anyone she comes into contact with. As she began to share how she used to be so angry, and she used to beat up her little sisters, and scream at her parents, the girls started listening. Then she began to tell them how God had pursued her and changed her from the inside out. How He had shown her that she just had a heart full of anger, and that was why she was doing the things she was doing. And then she described to them what her life had been like ever since. That she had a peace, a happiness and a joy that she had never experienced when she was using her fists to solve her problems.
Then Carrie shared. She had a “normal” childhood. She was an only child that was doted on and loved on by both of her parents, had been to private schools and had gotten saved when she was 4. (As she was sharing, I was inwardly cringing – I know, horrible of me to even think it, let alone share it with you all… - But I was! I was thinking, “Oh no! That is exactly what they think we are already! Why did we have to have an example of it among our leaders?!?!?” – not that I wanted her to have had a horrible childhood, but I just knew that those girls were sitting there thinking, “Yep. I knew it. They don’t know nothin’ about what we live in.” – but of course, God was in control, and I shouldn’t have even had one negative thought!) The girls were beginning to start moving around again, and we asked them to please sit still while we finished.
They gave in, and I began to share my story. As I shared with them my past, opened up about Daddy, and the feelings I had dealt with over everything that had happened, they began pressing in. I shared with them how my view of God had been skewed, because I had always been taught that God was my heavenly father, and that the only father I had, had physically abused me and my mama, had never been a leading example for me, had never been there for me while I was growing up, had chosen to chase after other women, rather than chase after his own children, and had – as far as my heart was concerned – never truly loved me. I then shared with them my own story of salvation, telling them about how I had been in church all my life, had thought I was saved when I was 8, but that God showed me otherwise when I was 19, and He really pursued me! I shared with them about how God had moved me to Waco, and shared some of the awesome things that have been happening since I’ve been here.
When I finished, they sat in complete silence for a few seconds, and then the questions started rapid-fire. I answered as best I could, and they began to share stories from their own pasts. It opened our eyes to what they have lived in, and it started to bond us together as a group. Here were these girls sharing the deep places of their hearts with the people they hadn’t even been looking at or talking too respectfully before then. It was an AWESOME act of God!
We had a sleepover two weekends later, and had 14 girls and 5 leaders in attendance. They made “human banana splits” on three of our heads – we cut a hole in the bottom of a trash bag, and stuck our head through it – in an effort to keep our clothes somewhat clean. HA! – then we sat on our knees on top of another trash bag, with a folding chair beside it loaded with all the ingredients!
The girls were broken up into three teams, and were instructed on how to make their banana split. They were to peel the banana and put it on our head first. Then they had a can of whipped cream, a Ziploc baggy FULL of chocolate syrup, a Ziploc baggy FULL of sprinkles and two cherries (with stem!) to “top” their banana split with. It was the ickiest feeling ever! It was sooooooooo gross! And I had to wash my hair seven times before I even began feeling clean! I stupidly did not straighten my hair before I went, and wore it curly, and those sprinkles and banana mush were just seemingly permanently attached to my hair follicles! Lol! But you know what? They loved it! And that’s all that really mattered in the end! They had an awesome time, and for the rest of the night, they kept talking about how they couldn’t believe we had let them do that to our hair! :) So…mission accomplished! :) They felt loved! And they felt special!
After the sleepover, our group has continued to grow by leaps and bounds, and the girls have gotten so close to each other, and to us. They hug us and tell us they love us when we drop them off! They sit in our laps and throw their arms around our necks! They listen when we share the lesson! They participate in discussion! They listen when other girls are talking! They ask questions! They share! They don’t have to be first when the snacks come out! They help serve instead!!! :) It is sooooo incredibly awesome!
God is soooooooooooo good! :)
Babies are fun!
I started helping with the nursery on Sunday mornings.
I work (for my job) from 6A-9A. Jump in the shower the minute I get off work, and Davis and I walk out the door to head to church at 9:35. We are there by 10 to get him signed in for The Journey, and then I head into the 10:15 service. I work the 12p service in the Flamingo room! :) During that service, the Flamingos and the Hippos are combined, so we have babies 0-18months! :) And they are absolutely precious, and soooo much fun! :)
I am also babysitting on my day off most weeks for a couple that is in Sharon and David’s LifeGroup (Sharon disciples Laura, David disciples Christen, and Laura is my coworker in the nursery on Sunday mornings! Small world? :)). Miss Caroline is 3 and is absolutely adorable, and baby Aubrey will be 8 months tomorrow! :)
In Other News…
God is moving! He is working all in me! Breaking down and rebuilding! It’s crazy! :) But it is awesome! The last two weeks have been mind-blowing in the intensity in which He has been throwing stuff at me! I have gotten amazing words of prophecy spoken into me, speaking on my future.
At the end of LifeGroup, we break up into groups of 2-3 (girls with girls, guys with guys) to pray for one another. The first Wednesday night I went to this LifeGroup, a girl named Candice (she is one of the 4 leaders) prayed with me. And two weeks ago, she bee lined for me as soon as we were released to break into groups, and told me that she had to pray with me. Needless to say, where this would have freaked me out 6 months ago, it is common occurrence now :), so we just sank to the floor and began talking. She started telling me how as she was watching me during worship, God spoke to her so strongly to come and encourage me. She spoke exactly what I had been feeling, but had not shared with anyone! (Oooooh! He’s good! :) ) Then she told me that the reason I feel like I finally get a grip on one thing, only to find myself having to work on another area, is not because I’ll never be good enough, or that I am so utterly broken I’m never going to be able to be used, but because God is putting me through boot-camp! She said that she knows that everyone has a call on their life, but she said that she could sense such an overwhelming sense of God’s presence on my life, and that He was telling her that I was going through boot-camp, because He was going to use me in a mighty way, and He needed me to get ready sooner, rather than later! Holy cow! Talk about having your world turned upside down!!! I had arrived at LifeGroup feeling battered and bruised, as I had been intensely experiencing things that week, and had been dealing with lots of heart matters. I was feeling like I might as well give up, because it didn’t seem to matter what I did, as soon as one thing seemed to get “fixed,” another area to be fixed was right on its’ tail. I even said to myself that very day, “Vanessa, you’ll never be good enough to do anything huge for God, because you’re too broken.” (Yes. I know. Sometimes I forget who my heavenly daddy is! That was one of those times!) And then for Him to come and have her speak so mightily into me! Using my own words to myself to show me just how big He is!
Over the two weeks since then, He has continued to rock my world!
Just last night, I get this text from a friend:Vanessa, I was praying for you and felt like God said that your love for Him, plus your openness to Him moving, equals healing His way and His timing. For no other reason than He just loves you.”
Whoa! Come on now! :) How good is my God??? :)
Healing and discipleship…
At the beginning of October, I began to get icky sick. I was extremely congested, coughed all the time, could not breathe through my nose. I was absolutely miserable. It was like every sinus infection I have ever had (and I’ve had a ton) had united together and decided to attack me all at once!
I was not sleeping worth anything, because when I did try to sleep, I couldn’t lie down, because if I did I either felt like I was choking, or going to stop breathing, or my poor nose was running uncontrollably. It was quite miserable. I was taking every over the counter medicine I could find. Eating cough drops like they were candy. Chloraseptic drops were my best friend, as they allowed my throat to be numb enough for me to talk for 8hrs so I could continue working. :)
This went on for about two weeks, and one Wednesday night at LifeGroup, I had to leave and go walk outside during the prayer, cause I had gotten so hot, and had started coughing and couldn’t stop. All that day, I had felt like I was in a fog. I couldn’t see clearly and I felt like an elephant was sitting on me. My head was killing me and I was just generally feeling like poopy. But I went on to LifeGroup, cause I really didn’t want to miss it! As I was driving Samantha to her LifeGroup (I drop her off at her junior high LifeGroup each Wednesday, before I head to mine.), I was just praying that God would get us there safely. Cause it sure wasn’t going to be me getting us there safely. My vision was blurred, and I was freezing and burning up all at the same time.
I dropped her off, and headed on over to my LifeGroup. When I got there, I went in and Amanda saw me and opened her arms to hug me “hello” and I just collapsed into her. I was exhausted. She immediately started praying for me, that I would feel better, and that God would give me a special touch.
LifeGroup started, and she sat really close to me – I think she was afraid I was going to fall out. We all stood up to commission our new leaders (they had been interns, and were becoming full blown leaders), and the more they prayed, the weaker my knees got, the hotter I became, and the worse my coughing got. I eventually broke away from the pack and went outside. My world was spinning, and I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to do. I just wanted to get home, and be in my bed. I turned around to go inside and get my stuff, and when I did, everyone was coming outside. I didn’t know what was going on, but I really didn’t care. I walked back in, grabbed my stuff, and headed outside. I was almost to the curb, and Ed (one of the leaders) stopped me to ask if I would like to pair up with a girl who had never been there before (#1 I didn’t know her; #2 I didn’t know what we were pairing off for; #3 I just wanted to go home). I was just standing there staring at him, when Amanda put her hand on my back, and asked if I was ok. I turned around, and fell into her arms again. By this time, I was crying, and for those of you who know me well, that is not normal behavior for me when I’m not feeling well, but especially not over a “sinus infection.” She was just holding me and rubbing my back. I was trying to tell her that Ed wanted me to go somewhere with somebody, and I just wanted to go home. She was praying, and all of a sudden yelled, “Ashley! Please come over here!” I didn’t know what was going on, and I really didn’t care. So somebody came up behind me and Amanda started telling her what was going on. Then she asked me to tell her exactly where I was hurting and what it felt like. I tried to lift my head to look at her and I couldn’t even do that. It felt so heavy. So I just kept my eyes closed and my head on Amanda’s shoulder and told her as best I could what had been going on. She started praying, commanding healing to come into my body. She was naming every body part that had to do with my respiratory system, and even prayed for the healing of the skin under my nose where it was so raw from blowing it so much. As she was praying, I stopped coughing!!! I felt a shift in my breathing – my mouth was closed!!! And I was breathing out my nose!!! My tears stopped flowing!!! And then I started to feel cooler!!! And then my head began to feel lighter!!! I opened my eyes to test them out, and the world wasn’t spinning!!!
Ashley was still praying, Amanda was praising God – cause she could feel the changes in my breathing and body temperature even before I told her anything, because she was right against me!
Then Ashley came around in front of me and asked me how I was feeling. I lifted my head off Amanda’s shoulder and told her of all the changes I was feeling! Then I reached up and touched the skin under my nose, and it was silky smooth!!! :) I was still a little raspy, but I was sooooooooo much better!!!
We went back on inside, and continued on with LifeGroup, after we told everybody what had happened, and praised God for all He had done. As LifeGroup got started back up, I started getting warm again, and then the coughing started up. As soon as we were released to get into our small groups, I gathered my stuff and headed for the door. I figured I had started coughing because it was hot, so I just needed to get back outside! As I was walking out the door, Ashley touched my arm and asked if she could come too – she said that she felt like God was telling her that there was more healing to be done! I of course told her to please come! And out we went!
Sidenote…
Ashley is another connection that goes round and round. Ashley is Amanda’s roommate. She moved here from Dalls to go to Elevate, and is in Elevate PM with Sharon and David. Sharon has gotten to know her very well, and had shared some of Ashley’s story with us one night at supper a couple of week’s before this. She had gone on the Juarez ’08 trip, and she had been baptized in the Spirit there. She had an AMAZING story about that that I could possibly get her to type up so I can send it on sometime. But basically, her gift is healing, and the Spirit manifests itself in her through a tremble. Depending on the depth of the healing, it can be controlled to just her hand, or her entire body can be in convulsions.
The night she prayed for me, her left hand and arm were shaking like crazy! :) Oooooh! He’s good! :)
Back to the story…
We got outside, and she began to tell me that the Spirit was not finished healing, because she was still shaking – it was at this point that I made all the connections and realized who she was.
She began just talking to me, asking some questions, and I began to pour my heart out to her.
Basically, what we figured out – or rather, what God allowed us to see – is that I had started with a normal, run of the mill sinus infection, and Satan had worsened it and used it to trap me. I had been really getting close to God, and was getting up super, duper early to do my quiet times, and they were being so fruitful right before my sinus infection started, then all of a sudden, it started getting all kinds of worse and I couldn’t even focus. When I did my quiet time I’d read the same sentence 20 times and finally give up. It was so frustrating. As we talked, and realized what was going on, she began to command Satan to leave my body, and to get away from me,
Then she started asking more questions, and said that she felt like God was telling me that there were some areas of unforgiveness in my past. She began to pray for me, and as she prayed, my mouth opened and started talking – 95% of the stuff that was coming out of my mouth I had never even thought of! I didn’t even realize it was stuff that had been in my heart, because I never even think about it! I was squalling and praying and releasing it, and it was sooooo cleansing!
When we finished I felt significantly better, but there was still a little bit of wheezing and a small cough.
Amanda, Ashley and I went to IHOP for a very late dinner and a little girl talk. We had an amazing time, and I felt an instant connection to Ashley.
That night I slept better than I had since the entire thing had started, but when I woke up the next morning, I was coughing a little bit more than I had been when I went to bed. By Friday morning, I was back to coughing the way I had been before LifeGroup on Wednesday and my ribs felt like they were on fire, but that was all – I didn’t have any of the other horrible stuff.
It was Halloween – the day Sharon and David were to leave for their Fall Outreach to Austin. And I was off work, so Sharon and I were cleaning the house. Since Elevate had been the night before, Sharon had stopped in the doorway to Davis’ room and was telling me about class (she always catches me up on their classes the day after! I feel like I am getting a small taste of what they’re getting!). She was talking about this man’s church that was just blowing wide open with healings off HUGE sizes taking place (cancer gone, paralytics healed, blind to see, etc). She said that she was sooooo pumped up, and that as she had been grocery shopping that morning, she kept asking God to send her somebody that she could pray for healing for! She walked through the entire grocery store, and didn’t see someone with as much as a sniffle! She was a little disappointed, but was still incredibly excited about that weekend, and new that God was going to do great healings in Austin. She left the room, and we went on about our cleaning.
After we were finished, I was in my room getting Davis’ birthday boxes prepared, and she came to my door and told me she had to repent. I asked her what in the world for, and she told me that she was so ashamed, because she had been praying at WalMart for God to give her someone to pray healing over, and there was someone in her own house that needed healing. So she asked forgiveness and then asked for permission to pray healing. Of course I told her to go right ahead! She began to pray, and as she did I stopped coughing, and then God revealed more of my picture.
A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words…
I don’t know whether I have shared my picture with you or not, and I am realizing that this newsletter is getting incredibly long, but it is kind of important for me to take a moment to explain the picture before I go any further.
When we first moved here, it seemed like everywhere I went, people were talking about getting pictures. I was intrigued, and finally asked Sharon what they were talking about. She explained that sometimes instead of God just giving us a thought, or speaking to us with words, He gives us pictures. I thought that sounded pretty awesome, so I decided I wanted a picture.
For three weeks after my conversation with her, I would lie in bed at night begging for God to give me a picture. I would beg until I cried, and then I would cry until I fell asleep from exhaustion.
Finally, one night I just got mad. I let God know that He could just keep his pictures, because I wasn’t going to beg for them anymore. I was finished. He could just keep using words, and give His pictures to everybody else. And in that moment, I let it go and didn’t think another thing about it.
About two months after that, I was lying in bed and could not go to sleep. I had done as Sharon had suggested earlier in the summer, and prayed and asked if there was something I needed to be praying for, or if there was something I needed to read, or do. But I was getting no answers. It was round about 4:30A, and I was starting to get upset, because I had to be up at 5:30 for work. I was lying there just praying that I could go to sleep, and that the hour of sleep I would get would feel like 10!
Then, it happened! I got my picture! And the funniest part is, until it was over, I didn’t even realize I had gotten it!
I was sitting on grass in front of a wooden bench, and there were wooden blocks (the old timey ones that have the colored outline around the edge on all 6 sides, and have a letter in the middle) with words on them that I couldn‘t make out, as far as the eye could see. I was feeling completely overwhelmed, cause I knew I was supposed to build with the blocks, but there were just so many of them, and I had no idea where to begin. Out of the corner of my right eye, I saw someone on the bench – well, I only saw their leg from the knee down, covered in a white robe, and their hand resting atop their knee. He silently slid off the bench and sat cross-legged next to me. Then He took His hands, and pushed the blocks back, clearing a space right in front of us. He began reaching all into the blocks, searching for just the right ones, and laid them down side by side in a very large square in front of us. When He finished, He sat back, patted my knee, and then waved his hand across the square of blocks. I began to be able to read the words on them and each block said “My Word.” He said, “Vanessa. My Word is to be your foundation. Don’t worry about any of the other blocks until your foundation is secure.”
And then it was over as quickly as it had started. I was just lying in my bed, thinking over it all
when it hit me that I had gotten my picture! I jumped out of bed, and started jumping up and down and dancing around the room! :) I would have been screaming and singing too, but it was 4:30A and everyone else was asleep! :)
Back to the story…
So…Sharon is praying for my healing, my coughing has stopped and I’m breathing normally, and then God adds to my picture!
I’m back on the grass, and He is still sitting cross-legged right beside me. He nods His head (almost as if to say, “It’s time.”) and begins to reach back into the pile of blocks, taking out certain ones from all around us, and building another layer on top of the “My Word” layer (well, it was one block in on each side – as if it will eventually turn into a squared off pyramid as we keep building). This time when He sat back finished, and waved His hand over the blocks, each one of them said “Trust.” He said, “My Vanessa. Do you trust me to heal you? More importantly, do you trust me with your hurt? Do you trust me with your disappointment? Do you trust me with your future? I am trustworthy. When you fully trust, you will be boundless, and we will walk hand in hand through everything that is to come. Just let go, and accept my healing, and everything else I have to offer.”
Needless to say, that absolutely broke my heart, and humbled me right down to my toes. It just never ceases to amaze me – though it shouldn’t surprise me so, because it is the very nature of God – that He always speaks right into the heart of my pain and brokenness, but does it in such a gentle way, so as not to cause further damage. He is all about the restorative! And I am all about receiving his restoration! :)
So. After that prayer, and that final touch of humility and healing, I have been right as rain! :)
He is sooooooooooooooo good! :)
What the Future Holds…
Now don’t get too excited, because I don’t have any definite answers on anything! :) But I have had several people in the last few weeks prophecy over me as to what God is doing in me right now, and have been allowed to feel His presence and His peace through the words He is allowing other people to speak into my life.
I already told you about the word on the boot-camp, and that God has something for me that He is intensely preparing me for.
Another word was that the desire I have for a husband and a family is not just something I have cooked up. It is a desire that God Himself put in my heart, and He will bring it to fulfillment in His time. He is repairing the brokenness, and making me completely whole in Him.
Some realizations……
I was instant messaging a friend from home last night, and had the opportunity to type out a lot of what has been going on in my mind and heart in the last several months. So I am going to try to piece together my side of the conversation, so you can see some of what all is going on! :)
I was speaking to them about how awesome life gets when you just begin to let go. How everything changes inside you. How your perspective changes, and life becomes so different.
The first topic was hurt.
You know what's awesome though? When you begin to truly rely on God, making Him first and everything else secondary, the hurt isn't nearly as bad. It isn't a knife any more, it is just a tiny bee sting. Cause He takes it for you. When He is your savior, you should accept (although sometimes, like in my case it took me forever to accept it!) that not only did He die and take all your sins to the cross with Him, but He also died and took all of your pain, fear, rejection, and hurt with Him as well. We don’t bear it alone.
The thing I have learned the most, is that until I die to self (and it is a daily, sometimes hourly or even moment by moment choice!) , He still loves me, because I'm His, but there isn't a lot of fruit being produced in and around my life. When I was back home, and I was living strictly for my pleasure, and my gain, none of this stuff (prophecy into my life, words of knowledge, pictures, etc) was happening. But now that I have surrendered, great things are happening frequently! People didn't have words for me back home, because God gave me the freedom to choose, and I wasn't choosing the path that was leading for His fulfillment of His plan for my life – I was just living life my way. When you finally let go and let Him have all the power over your life [that’s when you will be able to experience true joy.]
And then I began to talk about how I have learned to let go, and how it felt when I first started trying to let go.
It is scary as all get out, but in the end, it is so much better than anything you could have created for yourself. We can't let go, until we allow Him to take the reigns Then, only with His help, are we able to fully release. You can't be logical about it. That is another thing He has been pounding into my head all summer! And I think I am finally getting it.
Then I pulled out the scripture that God has been using to really work on my heart.
”For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom His whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen." ~Ephesians 3:14-21
The reason I was first led to these verses, was because people kept praying over me when I first got here - those that knew me, and those that had never met me before praying for me - the verses of "to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ." When I went searching for those, I found the rest of the prayer.
This summer, the focus of our family devoted times was the Holy Spirit, and I will openly admit, that until I started going to The Lord's Vineyard, and when I moved here, I had never really been presented with much knowledge about the Holy Spirit. When I got saved, I was told He was living inside me, but I really didn't have a clue what that meant.
As we began to look into all of that, my knowledge of the Holy Spirit grew, and I was so excited to know that I had all of Him in me!
The first scriptures we read when we started looking at the Holy Spirit in our family devoted times was the account of Jesus’ baptism in Luke 3, where the Holy Spirit descended on him like a dove.
Then going on in Luke 4:1 “Jesus full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit…”
And finally, Luke 4:18 when he reads the scroll of the prophet Isaiah – “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom to the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed…”
Ok now! If that Spirit that is being talked about in Isaiah, is the same one that is in Jesus, and allows Him to do everything He did during His ministry on earth – lame to walk, blind to see, dead to rise, etc. Then why on earth aren’t we all doing more for the kingdom of God?!?!?! His Spirit is in US!!! There is NOTHING we cannot do with His Spirit inside us! If we will believe, and begin to walk as closely with God as Jesus did – hearing his constant voice and following His leading, then we too could make the lame walk, the blind see, and we could even make the dead rise – All through the power of the Spirit inside us!!! Jesus couldn’t do it without Him, so we can’t either! But once we grasp what a power is lying dormant in us, just waiting for us to acknowledge it so it can burst forth, then AWESOME things begin to occur!!! :)
Now to track back, if you will remember with me, that I thought I had gotten saved when I was 8, during Sunday School, but I was not truly saved until I was 19.
So during devotions, we all talked about our salvation experiences, and then we talked about what the Bible says happens after salvation. And that's when it got hard. It was so far beyond anything I had ever been taught, or could understand. I kept trying to make everything fit into a box, and it just wouldn't go in it! Then I tried to analyze and completely understand all I was learning. And I just couldn't!
It hasn't been until the last couple of weeks, when I have been focusing on these verses, and God has been speaking to me strongly through the words "surpasses knowledge," that I have really begun to get it.
God surpasses my knowledge. He is supernatural! I CANNOT understand Him fully! This side of Heaven, I will only get rare glimpses of anything larger than a morsel of understanding of His full kingdom! In order to live the life of freedom I am finding, I just have to have faith! I have to believe that He loves me unconditionally - another thing that has been incredibly hard for me to accept - and that He truly does want what's best for my life - even if it isn't what I think would be best!
Once I realized this, I slowly began to uncurl my fingers from the reigns. One knuckle at a time I began to let go. And I began noticing that the more I relaxed my grip, the more people were speaking into me. The more I was hearing from God myself. And the more peace I was finding every day. Then I began noticing that my reactions to things were changing. My attitude toward life and other people was changing. The way I held myself, thought about myself, and treated myself began to change. The way I thought about others began to change. It wasn't an overnight thing, but a gradual one. When other people began to tell me that they were noticing a change, I knew something was really going on.
There are days I royally mess up. Days where I yank back the reigns, and hold on for all I'm worth. There are days when I fight with God, and try to tell Him what needs to happen. Inevitably He wins, and inevitably I am better off for Him winning.
I am so blessed on the days that I am obedient. But thank God! He allows me to learn, and to be blessed even win I am disobedient!
The other verses I have really been focusing on this summer have been Psalm 139 and Psalm 103.
They are powerful and humbling. The glory of God is so overwhelming...and at the same time, He just loves us. Just loves us for us. Exactly as we are. Even in our filth. Even when we are being nasty and completely out of the plans He has for us. He still loves us, and He still wants the best for our lives. All we have to do is reach out to Him, and ask Him to help us let go of the reigns!
Wow…
This is incredibly long and I am sorry! But I think you are caught up now! :) I love you!
September 2008
And now the story begins…
So...
I am just going to dive right in. I am not going to reread the newsletter from July before sending this one. So, I apologize in advance if I happen to repeat myself. :)
Just when you think it can’t get any better…
It always does! :) God is so good to us, and so completely fills us! I know it shouldn’t, but it absolutely amazes me when all of the little pieces start coming together!
One day I told Sharon that I wasn’t sure that this move even had anything to do with them, that it might have just been God’s way of getting me out of my rut, and lighting a fire underneath me! :) Since then, I have decided that God is the most awesome multi-tasker to ever exist, and He can bring a million things out of just one event! So I can’t wait to see what all comes out of this – their faithfulness to give up their “comfortable” life, pack up their memories, leave their family and friends, and move halfway across the country! And allow an extra person to tag along! :)
The Church Can Change The World… by Jimmy Seibert
Jimmy Seibert, the pastor here at Antioch released a book The Church Can Change The World, just three weeks after we got here. They announced it during the service that morning, as somewhat of a history of Antioch. We thought it sounded like a pretty good idea to find out about the history of the church we were attending, so we got a copy of the book so we could pass it around and read it. Sharon read it all the way through, and then decided that we should read it as a family.
So, we read one chapter a day for the next 16 days, and had our socks blown off! It was absolutely amazing! All the signs and wonders that have been experienced! The lives that have been changed ALL OVER this earth! The homes, communities, tribes, cities, nations that have been stirred up!!! WOW!!!
Every day, as we finished reading our chapter, it was customary that Davis would look at me and say, “Vanessa, are you ready?” and I would say, “Yep! Let’s go pack our bags!” Davis and I decided early on that we couldn’t believe we were still sitting here in our living room just reading about all this stuff, when we could be out there experiencing it all firsthand! But then we decided it was probably wise to continue going through the needed channels to be appropriately trained before trying to pull a “Superman” move, and take it all on ourselves! :) But still! Just to see the excitement in that child’s eyes each time we would read of God’s mercy and grace….WOW! :)
Following is a poem, written by Carl Gulley (the pastor of the College Ministry here), it is how the book wraps up, and it is how they ended the sermon two weeks ago. As powerful as it was when we read it in the book, I cannot even begin to accurately express how awesome it was to experience it corporately during worship… Good stuff! :)
Otherness
Written By Carl Gulley
Otherness. That’s what we’re all about. Not trying to be like anyone or anything else. Just Jesus. It makes us look like aliens. Because the way we love is unusual. Our words bring tears of laughter and solace. Our music and dance are fueled by a different drummer – and a better One at that. The fruit? A different song. A different value system, Not pushing the edge of sin and hell. Not OK with status quo. A place where beneficial vs. permissible is clearly understood. And no one even wants the boundary line. We would much rather lunge out to the Kingdom’s cutting edge…which is heaven’s arms. Sitting on His lap is fine with me. His heart beat rhythmically puts me at rest. Not apathetic slumber that leads to poverty. But deep love that thrusts to Nineveh. Macedonians are still calling. And Ethiopians are still asking for someone to come and help them understand. And how do we know this?
For we look into a different pair of eyes. Not just the window to His soul. But a magnifying glass of theirs. Look again: His tears aren’t clear – and they don’t taste like salt. They’re colorful banners of the nations…and taste like the blood that was shed for them. A tear trickles down and I see Sri Lanka. Another hangs in the corner of His eye and deep inside it I see a Sudanese lady worshipping over the family that just abandoned her. Here comes three more: Canada, France, Mexico. As He wipes His eyes, I see the colors of Morocco, Russia, Scotland, and China on the palms of His hands. And where do those tears go? Stored in a bottle. Not just ‘a’ bottle; but ‘The’ bottle. The one that held the cries of the saints of Germany. The one that held the deep secrets of Thailand’s orphans, America’s addicts, and Indonesia’s widows. The groans from North Korea’s underground church. And South Korea’s prayer mountain. All in the bottle. Waiting for me to open my hands so He can pour them out. Why would He trust us with these treasures? These precious children of His? Because He calls us family. And He can trust us. Because we’ve seen the otherness of God. And long for more. For if You, God, were the same as the rest, You wouldn’t be holy. And my unholiness craves Your holiness. Your cleansing. You. In the process, we have become ‘other.’ And the importance of that? So many stories are being told. Vying for my affections. My passions. My heart.
But I refuse to be caught up in the small stories that seem brilliant at the moment, but soon become faded glory. I desire to be taken into His story. Into your great plot for me and mankind. So I leap into the chariot of fire and ask for humility and courage to leave it all behind: NO MATTER THE COST! Because you deserve it. And they need it. Because I love You. And they need You. And the Spirit and the Bride are still crying out, ‘Come, Lord Jesus’ And you will. You always do.
Wow…the picture the imagery paints is absolutely stunning!
He does call us family! He does trusts us with His children that are hurting and crying out for help! And even though He doesn’t need us, He does allow us to be His hands and feet – all we have to do is open ourselves up and be willing to be used! :)
So easy…and yet so many times, we make it into something that is so hard…
In Other News…
I have found my LifeGroup ‘home.’
As you all know from the last newsletter, I had started going to one of the college LifeGroups – that’s where I had my “AH-HA GOD Moment” – and after that experience, and the fact that the people that were in the group were really nice, genuine people, I just assumed I had found my LifeGroup. Over the next few weeks, I began to feel quite a bit unsettled about calling that LifeGroup mine. It wasn’t that any part of it was bad, it was just that somehow, it didn’t feel like me. So I began to pray, and seek God’s face on what in the world I needed to do! I want so badly to be a part of a LifeGroup, and to start planting my roots down in one. The main reason I didn’t feel like this one was for me, was simply because I am not in college. And for that part, even when I was in college, I didn’t go through any of the “normal” college life stuff. I lived at home, worked full time, and didn’t hang out with any of the people I went to school with. I strictly went to school to learn, and did not socialize or become a part of anything that most think of when they think “college.” So…I just felt a little “out of the loop.” I am not in the same stage as life as these people, though I am their age.
I was in a bit of a quandary, because I didn’t think I had many other options. I could join the rest of the family for “family LifeGroup” – which is great, but there are families – Mommies, Daddies and their children; which is not a bad thing, but the closest people to my age would be 14 and mid-thirties, and once again, that isn’t really where I am in this stage of my life. Then there is the “Caleb LifeGroup,” which is for those who are enjoying the sunsets of life…so in those groups, there would be a good 30-40 years between me and the youngest people. I felt like I was hitting a brick wall, and was just thanking God that the college LifeGroup was suspended for the rest of the summer due to mission trips and people coming back into town to settle back into their college life.
One Friday night, Amanda called and asked me if I could come over for a while.
Sidenote…
Amanda, if you’ll remember from the last newsletter, is the girl that invited me to the college LifeGroup. She and I became very quick friends, and spend at least one day of the week together, if not more. She’s just an awesome person, and an amazing woman of God. We have so much in common, and I feel truly blessed to have her friendship. She was one of the main reasons I was not looking forward to leaving the college LifeGroup. I really enjoyed having her around, and didn’t want to go to another group without her.Oh how God listens, and responds, to the heart’s cries of His children! :)
Back to the story…
So I got over there that night, and she looked like she was sick. I wasn’t exactly sure why she had called me over if she wasn’t feeling well, so I quickly asked her if she was sure she needed to have company. She assured me that she wanted me there, but first she needed to talk with me about something pretty important.
***I was at a loss…I knew we had become fast friends, but how on earth could we already be having a “pretty important” conversation…***
She began to tell me how she had been praying a lot over the last several weeks, and she just felt that she was not supposed to lead or attend the college LifeGroup anymore. She said that God had just pressed on her heart that that is not where she was in her life anymore, and therefore she needed to find a new ‘home.’ The more she talked, the ickier she looked, and the happier I became! (This was an answer to my prayers!!!) She began to say that she wasn’t very happy with this development, because she really thought God had said from the beginning that she and I were supposed to stick together, and that great things would come out of our friendship, and she had been questioning God on how that was supposed to happen if he was tearing up apart. Finally, she breathed long enough for me to begin telling her about where I had been in my quandary. And how I really didn’t feel like I belonged in that LifeGroup, but I didn’t realize there were any other options. She then opened my eyes to another LifeGroup ministry – Young Adults! :) PERFECT!!! We decided that we would go visit the following Wednesday night at a group that contained many of the people we had been drawn to in the weeks beforehand – the people we had been hanging out with and getting to know.
We went that first Wednesday night, and it was amazing. We’ve now been three weeks, and I have never felt more at home with a group of people in my life. Of course, the only problem now is – well, it really isn’t a problem, but a blessing :) - that now the LifeGroup is growing so rapidly – we had 16 there the first week we visited, and yesterday there were 29 – that soon we are going to be ‘multiplying,’ and a decision will have to be made as to which group we will belong to after the multiplication.
The people are just so genuinely interested in everything about one another. And when you have conversation, and they ask you a question, they really want to know the answer. And they remember what you say, too! :) It is just so awesome, and totally blows me away! The sense of community and acceptedness (yeah – probably not a word, I know) is so overwhelming at times, that I just have to take a step back and center on God. How awesome that He not only brought me into a body that cares for one another, and accepts you just as you are, but He is giving me this smaller community that just breathes new life into one another. The amount of encouragement and love in that group just astounds me!
Thank You God! :)
How Sweet the Sound…
This past Sunday, we began a series on grace. It will last for 6 weeks, and Sunday alone already amazed me, so I can only imagine what is to come… :)
The church is sending out an E-Devotional each morning, so we will all corporately be “on the same page” throughout the week, and be ready to go on Sunday mornings! :) I decided to forward the devotional on to a few that I didn’t think would mind getting a devotional every day for the next 6 weeks :) - and I just thought it would be really cool to all be reading and thinking on the same stuff, at the same time.
***If you would be interested in receiving the devotional, let me know and I will catch you up on the ones you’ve missed, and add you to the daily send out :)
Each day, as I have sent the devotional along, God has given me thoughts or examples from my life to share. Following is yesterday’s email:
As you (should) know, I have never really cared for the song "Amazing Grace" - as "unAmerican", "unChristian" and "unSouthern",etc as that sounds. I have always blamed it on the fact that I grew up Southern Baptist, and went to a LOT of funerals as a child...and at every funeral, "Amazing Grace" was played. As a youngster, I began to associate "Amazing Grace" with death, and decided that I didn't just dislike that song, I absolutely loathed it.
Whenever it was played on the radio, at church or anywhere else I could possibly have to hear it, I would discreetly cover my ears, and begin to pray that they would only sing the first and last verse, and that they wouldn't sing the entire song, and of course there is always the chance they'll throw in the extra verse that solely consists of "Praise God." I have spent many years running from this song due to the fact that, in my mind, it is directly associated with death - and why in the world should I be loving a song that screams DEATH?!?!
However, as He has the tendency to do, God has been working on my heart. J It began when Mama and I went to the Chris Tomlin concert, and he sang his "My Chains are Gone" version - as you (should) also know, I dearly love the musical stylings of Chris Tomlin, and therefore owned the CD, and was listening to it all the time in preparation for the concert (had to make sure I had all the timing and words down correctly of course, so I could sing along with every song!), but I always skipped "Amazing Grace." However, standing on the front row of the concert, directly in front of the humongo speakers, did not prove a good place to be able to escape...therefore I had to listen to it...and only because it was a Chris Tomlin concert, did I not cover my ears... :)
So, I listened to it. Truly listened to the words...and before I knew it, I was worshipping and praising Him through the song for the first time in my life - arms raised, reaching out to the one who gives that amazing grace to us! The verse that struck me that night and continues to get me each time I hear it was the verse that was "lost" for many years, and they just recently found it - I have no idea how all that played out, I'm just repeating what I was told :D - here it is: The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun forbear to shine. But God, Who called me here below, will be forever mine! Will be forever mine! You are forever mine! :)
How can you not be affected by that?!?! Add that to the: My chains are gone, I've been set free, my God, my Savior has ransomed me, and like a flood, His mercy rains, Unending love, Amazing Grace! Oh yes! That is some good stuff right there!
I've heard it at church and on the radio a few times since then (and have even listened to it when it plays on the CD - :) ), and each time the song gets a little sweeter to my ear. Then Sunday morning we sang it during the service and I thought I was going to come apart - I didn't know what to do with myself! God just kind of took me over for a bit, my arms were raised, but I couldn't seem to stretch them high enough, I was singing at the top of my voice, but it didn't seem loud enough, I was moving all around, but it didn't seem like enough!
His grace is sooooo good!!!! He gives us second, third, fourth, tenth, hundredth, thousandth, etc chances!!! He never gets tired of loving us - even when we are sooooo unlovable!!! He picks us up out of our muck, dusts us off, lets us bathe in Him, gets us back to sparkling white, takes off our rags, and puts us back in our riches! He never gets tired of loving us back to the place He so desires for us to stay in Him!!! Hallelujah! :D
At this point…
I couldn’t really even tell you what all I have put in this newsletter, I just hope that something in all my ramblings has been a blessing or an encouragement to you!
As far as everything goes, life here is still going great! :) I really am loving it here, and thank God daily for turning my world upside down, and allowing me a fresh start. What I thought, to begin with, was going to be a mostly horrible, only slightly rewarding – in that I would get to be with the kids every day – journey, has turned into a life-changing (for the better :) ) experience!
The kids couldn’t be better! Just last night at supper, after I asked Samantha how her day had gone, she looked at me, smiled and said, “You know, Vanessa. It was good. It was really good. I am really starting to fit in there.” My heart soared, only to find it flying a little higher as Davis shared, “Me too, sissy! That’s how I feel at my school too!” :) Isn’t it awesome?!?!
With the start of school, our schedules have gotten quite hectic, but we’re getting through it all, and somehow no one is getting overburdened or overworked or overrun – we all work together and get everything done, and done well! :)
Davis is loving soccer! His coach is amazing, and the team plays really well together! We’re so proud of all of them! :)
Samantha is muddling her way through quite a bit of homework – she has NINE classes a day! And is thoroughly enjoying her Junior High LifeGroup and her youth service! She is finding her place!
Spooky is spoiled rotten, and finds his sanctuary in my bedroom – if he is awake, he is in my room! He hides under the bed, or curls up on the comforter at the end of my bed (cause Lord knows it is too hot in Texas for a comforter to be on the bed! :) ).
So...
I am just going to dive right in. I am not going to reread the newsletter from July before sending this one. So, I apologize in advance if I happen to repeat myself. :)
Just when you think it can’t get any better…
It always does! :) God is so good to us, and so completely fills us! I know it shouldn’t, but it absolutely amazes me when all of the little pieces start coming together!
One day I told Sharon that I wasn’t sure that this move even had anything to do with them, that it might have just been God’s way of getting me out of my rut, and lighting a fire underneath me! :) Since then, I have decided that God is the most awesome multi-tasker to ever exist, and He can bring a million things out of just one event! So I can’t wait to see what all comes out of this – their faithfulness to give up their “comfortable” life, pack up their memories, leave their family and friends, and move halfway across the country! And allow an extra person to tag along! :)
The Church Can Change The World… by Jimmy Seibert
Jimmy Seibert, the pastor here at Antioch released a book The Church Can Change The World, just three weeks after we got here. They announced it during the service that morning, as somewhat of a history of Antioch. We thought it sounded like a pretty good idea to find out about the history of the church we were attending, so we got a copy of the book so we could pass it around and read it. Sharon read it all the way through, and then decided that we should read it as a family.
So, we read one chapter a day for the next 16 days, and had our socks blown off! It was absolutely amazing! All the signs and wonders that have been experienced! The lives that have been changed ALL OVER this earth! The homes, communities, tribes, cities, nations that have been stirred up!!! WOW!!!
Every day, as we finished reading our chapter, it was customary that Davis would look at me and say, “Vanessa, are you ready?” and I would say, “Yep! Let’s go pack our bags!” Davis and I decided early on that we couldn’t believe we were still sitting here in our living room just reading about all this stuff, when we could be out there experiencing it all firsthand! But then we decided it was probably wise to continue going through the needed channels to be appropriately trained before trying to pull a “Superman” move, and take it all on ourselves! :) But still! Just to see the excitement in that child’s eyes each time we would read of God’s mercy and grace….WOW! :)
Following is a poem, written by Carl Gulley (the pastor of the College Ministry here), it is how the book wraps up, and it is how they ended the sermon two weeks ago. As powerful as it was when we read it in the book, I cannot even begin to accurately express how awesome it was to experience it corporately during worship… Good stuff! :)
Otherness
Written By Carl Gulley
Otherness. That’s what we’re all about. Not trying to be like anyone or anything else. Just Jesus. It makes us look like aliens. Because the way we love is unusual. Our words bring tears of laughter and solace. Our music and dance are fueled by a different drummer – and a better One at that. The fruit? A different song. A different value system, Not pushing the edge of sin and hell. Not OK with status quo. A place where beneficial vs. permissible is clearly understood. And no one even wants the boundary line. We would much rather lunge out to the Kingdom’s cutting edge…which is heaven’s arms. Sitting on His lap is fine with me. His heart beat rhythmically puts me at rest. Not apathetic slumber that leads to poverty. But deep love that thrusts to Nineveh. Macedonians are still calling. And Ethiopians are still asking for someone to come and help them understand. And how do we know this?
For we look into a different pair of eyes. Not just the window to His soul. But a magnifying glass of theirs. Look again: His tears aren’t clear – and they don’t taste like salt. They’re colorful banners of the nations…and taste like the blood that was shed for them. A tear trickles down and I see Sri Lanka. Another hangs in the corner of His eye and deep inside it I see a Sudanese lady worshipping over the family that just abandoned her. Here comes three more: Canada, France, Mexico. As He wipes His eyes, I see the colors of Morocco, Russia, Scotland, and China on the palms of His hands. And where do those tears go? Stored in a bottle. Not just ‘a’ bottle; but ‘The’ bottle. The one that held the cries of the saints of Germany. The one that held the deep secrets of Thailand’s orphans, America’s addicts, and Indonesia’s widows. The groans from North Korea’s underground church. And South Korea’s prayer mountain. All in the bottle. Waiting for me to open my hands so He can pour them out. Why would He trust us with these treasures? These precious children of His? Because He calls us family. And He can trust us. Because we’ve seen the otherness of God. And long for more. For if You, God, were the same as the rest, You wouldn’t be holy. And my unholiness craves Your holiness. Your cleansing. You. In the process, we have become ‘other.’ And the importance of that? So many stories are being told. Vying for my affections. My passions. My heart.
But I refuse to be caught up in the small stories that seem brilliant at the moment, but soon become faded glory. I desire to be taken into His story. Into your great plot for me and mankind. So I leap into the chariot of fire and ask for humility and courage to leave it all behind: NO MATTER THE COST! Because you deserve it. And they need it. Because I love You. And they need You. And the Spirit and the Bride are still crying out, ‘Come, Lord Jesus’ And you will. You always do.
Wow…the picture the imagery paints is absolutely stunning!
He does call us family! He does trusts us with His children that are hurting and crying out for help! And even though He doesn’t need us, He does allow us to be His hands and feet – all we have to do is open ourselves up and be willing to be used! :)
So easy…and yet so many times, we make it into something that is so hard…
In Other News…
I have found my LifeGroup ‘home.’
As you all know from the last newsletter, I had started going to one of the college LifeGroups – that’s where I had my “AH-HA GOD Moment” – and after that experience, and the fact that the people that were in the group were really nice, genuine people, I just assumed I had found my LifeGroup. Over the next few weeks, I began to feel quite a bit unsettled about calling that LifeGroup mine. It wasn’t that any part of it was bad, it was just that somehow, it didn’t feel like me. So I began to pray, and seek God’s face on what in the world I needed to do! I want so badly to be a part of a LifeGroup, and to start planting my roots down in one. The main reason I didn’t feel like this one was for me, was simply because I am not in college. And for that part, even when I was in college, I didn’t go through any of the “normal” college life stuff. I lived at home, worked full time, and didn’t hang out with any of the people I went to school with. I strictly went to school to learn, and did not socialize or become a part of anything that most think of when they think “college.” So…I just felt a little “out of the loop.” I am not in the same stage as life as these people, though I am their age.
I was in a bit of a quandary, because I didn’t think I had many other options. I could join the rest of the family for “family LifeGroup” – which is great, but there are families – Mommies, Daddies and their children; which is not a bad thing, but the closest people to my age would be 14 and mid-thirties, and once again, that isn’t really where I am in this stage of my life. Then there is the “Caleb LifeGroup,” which is for those who are enjoying the sunsets of life…so in those groups, there would be a good 30-40 years between me and the youngest people. I felt like I was hitting a brick wall, and was just thanking God that the college LifeGroup was suspended for the rest of the summer due to mission trips and people coming back into town to settle back into their college life.
One Friday night, Amanda called and asked me if I could come over for a while.
Sidenote…
Amanda, if you’ll remember from the last newsletter, is the girl that invited me to the college LifeGroup. She and I became very quick friends, and spend at least one day of the week together, if not more. She’s just an awesome person, and an amazing woman of God. We have so much in common, and I feel truly blessed to have her friendship. She was one of the main reasons I was not looking forward to leaving the college LifeGroup. I really enjoyed having her around, and didn’t want to go to another group without her.Oh how God listens, and responds, to the heart’s cries of His children! :)
Back to the story…
So I got over there that night, and she looked like she was sick. I wasn’t exactly sure why she had called me over if she wasn’t feeling well, so I quickly asked her if she was sure she needed to have company. She assured me that she wanted me there, but first she needed to talk with me about something pretty important.
***I was at a loss…I knew we had become fast friends, but how on earth could we already be having a “pretty important” conversation…***
She began to tell me how she had been praying a lot over the last several weeks, and she just felt that she was not supposed to lead or attend the college LifeGroup anymore. She said that God had just pressed on her heart that that is not where she was in her life anymore, and therefore she needed to find a new ‘home.’ The more she talked, the ickier she looked, and the happier I became! (This was an answer to my prayers!!!) She began to say that she wasn’t very happy with this development, because she really thought God had said from the beginning that she and I were supposed to stick together, and that great things would come out of our friendship, and she had been questioning God on how that was supposed to happen if he was tearing up apart. Finally, she breathed long enough for me to begin telling her about where I had been in my quandary. And how I really didn’t feel like I belonged in that LifeGroup, but I didn’t realize there were any other options. She then opened my eyes to another LifeGroup ministry – Young Adults! :) PERFECT!!! We decided that we would go visit the following Wednesday night at a group that contained many of the people we had been drawn to in the weeks beforehand – the people we had been hanging out with and getting to know.
We went that first Wednesday night, and it was amazing. We’ve now been three weeks, and I have never felt more at home with a group of people in my life. Of course, the only problem now is – well, it really isn’t a problem, but a blessing :) - that now the LifeGroup is growing so rapidly – we had 16 there the first week we visited, and yesterday there were 29 – that soon we are going to be ‘multiplying,’ and a decision will have to be made as to which group we will belong to after the multiplication.
The people are just so genuinely interested in everything about one another. And when you have conversation, and they ask you a question, they really want to know the answer. And they remember what you say, too! :) It is just so awesome, and totally blows me away! The sense of community and acceptedness (yeah – probably not a word, I know) is so overwhelming at times, that I just have to take a step back and center on God. How awesome that He not only brought me into a body that cares for one another, and accepts you just as you are, but He is giving me this smaller community that just breathes new life into one another. The amount of encouragement and love in that group just astounds me!
Thank You God! :)
How Sweet the Sound…
This past Sunday, we began a series on grace. It will last for 6 weeks, and Sunday alone already amazed me, so I can only imagine what is to come… :)
The church is sending out an E-Devotional each morning, so we will all corporately be “on the same page” throughout the week, and be ready to go on Sunday mornings! :) I decided to forward the devotional on to a few that I didn’t think would mind getting a devotional every day for the next 6 weeks :) - and I just thought it would be really cool to all be reading and thinking on the same stuff, at the same time.
***If you would be interested in receiving the devotional, let me know and I will catch you up on the ones you’ve missed, and add you to the daily send out :)
Each day, as I have sent the devotional along, God has given me thoughts or examples from my life to share. Following is yesterday’s email:
As you (should) know, I have never really cared for the song "Amazing Grace" - as "unAmerican", "unChristian" and "unSouthern",etc as that sounds. I have always blamed it on the fact that I grew up Southern Baptist, and went to a LOT of funerals as a child...and at every funeral, "Amazing Grace" was played. As a youngster, I began to associate "Amazing Grace" with death, and decided that I didn't just dislike that song, I absolutely loathed it.
Whenever it was played on the radio, at church or anywhere else I could possibly have to hear it, I would discreetly cover my ears, and begin to pray that they would only sing the first and last verse, and that they wouldn't sing the entire song, and of course there is always the chance they'll throw in the extra verse that solely consists of "Praise God." I have spent many years running from this song due to the fact that, in my mind, it is directly associated with death - and why in the world should I be loving a song that screams DEATH?!?!
However, as He has the tendency to do, God has been working on my heart. J It began when Mama and I went to the Chris Tomlin concert, and he sang his "My Chains are Gone" version - as you (should) also know, I dearly love the musical stylings of Chris Tomlin, and therefore owned the CD, and was listening to it all the time in preparation for the concert (had to make sure I had all the timing and words down correctly of course, so I could sing along with every song!), but I always skipped "Amazing Grace." However, standing on the front row of the concert, directly in front of the humongo speakers, did not prove a good place to be able to escape...therefore I had to listen to it...and only because it was a Chris Tomlin concert, did I not cover my ears... :)
So, I listened to it. Truly listened to the words...and before I knew it, I was worshipping and praising Him through the song for the first time in my life - arms raised, reaching out to the one who gives that amazing grace to us! The verse that struck me that night and continues to get me each time I hear it was the verse that was "lost" for many years, and they just recently found it - I have no idea how all that played out, I'm just repeating what I was told :D - here it is: The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, the sun forbear to shine. But God, Who called me here below, will be forever mine! Will be forever mine! You are forever mine! :)
How can you not be affected by that?!?! Add that to the: My chains are gone, I've been set free, my God, my Savior has ransomed me, and like a flood, His mercy rains, Unending love, Amazing Grace! Oh yes! That is some good stuff right there!
I've heard it at church and on the radio a few times since then (and have even listened to it when it plays on the CD - :) ), and each time the song gets a little sweeter to my ear. Then Sunday morning we sang it during the service and I thought I was going to come apart - I didn't know what to do with myself! God just kind of took me over for a bit, my arms were raised, but I couldn't seem to stretch them high enough, I was singing at the top of my voice, but it didn't seem loud enough, I was moving all around, but it didn't seem like enough!
His grace is sooooo good!!!! He gives us second, third, fourth, tenth, hundredth, thousandth, etc chances!!! He never gets tired of loving us - even when we are sooooo unlovable!!! He picks us up out of our muck, dusts us off, lets us bathe in Him, gets us back to sparkling white, takes off our rags, and puts us back in our riches! He never gets tired of loving us back to the place He so desires for us to stay in Him!!! Hallelujah! :D
At this point…
I couldn’t really even tell you what all I have put in this newsletter, I just hope that something in all my ramblings has been a blessing or an encouragement to you!
As far as everything goes, life here is still going great! :) I really am loving it here, and thank God daily for turning my world upside down, and allowing me a fresh start. What I thought, to begin with, was going to be a mostly horrible, only slightly rewarding – in that I would get to be with the kids every day – journey, has turned into a life-changing (for the better :) ) experience!
The kids couldn’t be better! Just last night at supper, after I asked Samantha how her day had gone, she looked at me, smiled and said, “You know, Vanessa. It was good. It was really good. I am really starting to fit in there.” My heart soared, only to find it flying a little higher as Davis shared, “Me too, sissy! That’s how I feel at my school too!” :) Isn’t it awesome?!?!
With the start of school, our schedules have gotten quite hectic, but we’re getting through it all, and somehow no one is getting overburdened or overworked or overrun – we all work together and get everything done, and done well! :)
Davis is loving soccer! His coach is amazing, and the team plays really well together! We’re so proud of all of them! :)
Samantha is muddling her way through quite a bit of homework – she has NINE classes a day! And is thoroughly enjoying her Junior High LifeGroup and her youth service! She is finding her place!
Spooky is spoiled rotten, and finds his sanctuary in my bedroom – if he is awake, he is in my room! He hides under the bed, or curls up on the comforter at the end of my bed (cause Lord knows it is too hot in Texas for a comforter to be on the bed! :) ).
Catching Up
Since I've made the decision to try and do this, I want to go ahead and put all of my past newsletters on here. :)
If you've been following along with all of my newsletters up to this point, then there won't be anything new here for you...yet - but I promise there will be soon! :)
Love you all bunches! :)
~Vanessa
If you've been following along with all of my newsletters up to this point, then there won't be anything new here for you...yet - but I promise there will be soon! :)
Love you all bunches! :)
~Vanessa
Answer to the Random Question on my Profile :)
"If you could peer far enough into the night sky, you'd see a star in any direction you looked. When would you sleep?"
I would sleep during the day.
Even though it would totally mess with my natural sleep cycles, the opportunity would just be too good to pass up! There is something so natural and amazing in being one with the night sky.
When you lie on a blanket in the grass, and you can't tell where the ground ends and the sky begins...where you can absolutely feel your place in the world - the world is a huge place, and we are but a miniscule grain of sand in the big picture.
But at the same time, it shows the total glory in that God died for us! He doesn't see us as just a small speck! He sees our beauty! He sees our individuality! He sees our uniqueness! He celebrates our quirkiness! And He loves to laugh with us!
His mercies are new every morning! And what better way to greet them, than after being wrapped in his arms through the night as you stare up into the vast space that is His? :)
I would sleep during the day.
Even though it would totally mess with my natural sleep cycles, the opportunity would just be too good to pass up! There is something so natural and amazing in being one with the night sky.
When you lie on a blanket in the grass, and you can't tell where the ground ends and the sky begins...where you can absolutely feel your place in the world - the world is a huge place, and we are but a miniscule grain of sand in the big picture.
But at the same time, it shows the total glory in that God died for us! He doesn't see us as just a small speck! He sees our beauty! He sees our individuality! He sees our uniqueness! He celebrates our quirkiness! And He loves to laugh with us!
His mercies are new every morning! And what better way to greet them, than after being wrapped in his arms through the night as you stare up into the vast space that is His? :)
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