Fifteen years, and another world ago... :)

Kudos to you if you can pick out which of these lovely young children of the early 90's is me... :)
(Family picking doesn't count - cause if you can't find me, then we have more pressing issues... :P )

A friend posted this picture on Facebook, and I spent a good long while laughing, and then went down memory lane for a bit. Oh...the good ol' days... :)

Tomato juice and chocolate cake... Mmmmmm... :)

Last night I had the opportunity to enjoy comfort foods that best remind me of home, and Friday nights at Papa and Nanny's.

It was a most excellent, God-blessed moment.

'Nuf said. :)

Standing in a garage does not make you a car...

So, Marcia passed on an email today. I'd like to share the content with you, and then share my thoughts (of course! :D )...

My First Day In Heaven

I was shocked, confused, bewildered

As I entered Heaven's door,

Not by the beauty of it all,

Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven

Who made me sputter and gasp --

The thieves, the liars, the sinners

The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade

Who swiped my lunch money! Twice.

Next to him was my old neighbor

Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought

Was rotting away in hell,

Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,

Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?

I would love to hear your take.

How'd all these sinners get up here?

God must've made a mistake!

And why's everyone so quiet,

So somber - give me a clue.'

'Hush, child' He said, 'they're all in shock.

No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian,

any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

Every saint has a past...

Every sinner has a future!!!

To say that I am currently jazzed up, would be quite the understatement! :) How powerful the concept is!!! For the last...5 years, I think...I have attended churches that are not the "traditional" churches I attended in years before.

Meaning:

- No Sunday School

- No Sunday night services

- Wednesday night church is non-existent, or is a Bible study type deal rather than the traditional "service"

- No choir

Warning: The following is my opinion I do not expect everyone to agree with it, nor will I be angry if you think I'm crazy for thinking the way I do. It it simply the way I feel. :)

Let me start by saying, that as a person that always loved being a part of the choir, and all the fellowship that that involved, not having a choir was by far the hardest thing to adjust to - but I've adjusted :)

As far as Sunday School goes, you can ask Mama...I never cared very much for it. I used to go to the Single Women's class (when I was a child, and in the beginning of my teenage years) to avoid going into the class I was supposed to because of all the drama that was involved in those classes. And then when I got "of age," I began working in the nursery during the Sunday School hour, so I didn't have to go to Sunday School.

I'm certain everyone has not had the experience I have had, but, to my recollection, every Sunday School class I have ever been in - that was "age appropriate" - didn't do very much for me. The first half of the time was spent gossiping and filled with negativity. Then when the books were finally brought out, we would all go around the room, taking turns reading verses, spit out our "Sunday School Answers," say some empty prayer about God blessing everything and everyone, and off we'd go to church.

No one was transparent. No one talked about the real things in their life. Everyone spent more time talking about others, than they did sharing what was really on their heart. It wasn't a "safe space" and it wasn't a place for growth. Sunday school was simply something I did, because I was made to - because that was what was expected. If we had not gone to Sunday School while we went to a church that offered Sunday School - because we weren't getting anything out of it - we would have been ostracized by many.

The "go to church every time the doors are opened" theme is rampant back home, and personally, it drives me nuts. DO NOT HEAR ME INCORRECTLY, I am NOT saying that you shouldn't go to church when given the opportunity. However, going JUST BECAUSE IT IS WHAT IS EXPECTED is no better than not going at all.

There were many, many times that I was drug to church seething venom all the way, because I absolutely did not want to go, for whatever reason. Am I saying that Mama was wrong in making me go? No. But did it do me any good to go? No. If I am filled with anger, hurt, or just plain ignorance and stupidity, it is imperative that you take the time to sit down and deal with the issues I'm experiencing before you try to take me to church. If my heart is closed off because of something affecting it, it isn't going to be open to anything else coming in until the current "house guest" is booted out!

So many times, I think we get our eyes off the big picture, and worry too much about appearances.

You are not going to Hell, or be "knocked down a rung" for any of the following:

Keeping your newborn baby at home for the first month or two after he is born, rather than bringing him to church.

#1 - If you are sitting with your newborn in church, how much attention are you paying anyway?

#2 - All those germy people have no business being all up around your baby trying to give him Piggy Flu

#3 - If you have a newborn, you're probably running on little sleep - so how much attention are you paying?

Staying at home when you are sick, or just feeling puny in general.

#1 - If you're sick...STAY AT HOME! I would prefer you to miss one service, and be back 100% the next one, than to come to this service - just so you can say you came - and pass on your germ to the rest of us!

#2 - If you feel puny, stay home! If you're extremely tired, or if you just feel like you're not up to par, it's ok not to come to church. You can worship God right where you are! Because the deal isn't just "press on through and go to church." The problem is, that you have to get up, get dressed, drive to church, if you have Sunday School, you have to go to that, because if you go to one and not the other, you'll be talked about for that too, go to church - if you're in the choir, you have to sing, because "if you can make it to church, why can't you sing in the choir?" But it's still not over - you have to eat, so since you're already up, you just need to come on and go out to eat with us after church like we always do."

No. NO. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Those words might all come out of the mouths of the people that sit next to you at church, but they are lies straight from the pit of hell!!!

Now I come straight from the woman that talked to one of her nurses (this was many years ago) who called her, vomitting, from a payphone to tell her she wasn't going to be able to do any more visits that day, and Mama talked to her until she had stopped vomitting, and was "feeling so much better." By the grace of God, Mama could count on one hand the days she's missed work in her lifetime because she was sick (she's missed more days because something was wrong with me - my back surgery, emergency appendectomy, lithotripsy, etc . - and when she had to miss with me, she always went in after hours and made up for whatever she'd missed). The lady is not a slacker - in any sense of the word - but she even recognizes that there are times when it is simply time to give your body a break. Go to bed earlier. Sleep in later. Lift your finger for nothing. RELAX!

And if my mama can recognize that, then you better believe God can! And you wanna know why? BECAUSE HE SEES THE BIG PICTURE!!! He sees your heart! Going to church is not about impressing the people in your sunday school class, or in your church, or in the choir. It is about fellowship (being in God's presence and being on a "heart level," not gossiping) with other believers, worshipping with other saints, and soaking up all God has for you! Because..."where two or three are gathered..." :D God knows what's going on inside of you. I can guarantee you, that there have been Sunday's He's shown Himself much clearer to a person sick and in bed than He has to a person sitting in a pew because that's where they're supposed to be on Sundays.

*Hopping off my soapbox...*

In other news... :D

I have to tell you how excited I got yesterday!!! Mama got me a BEAUTIFUL (it's pink and chocolate colored!) Life Application Bible for my birthday! She's had one for a while, and I've enjoyed being able to read the extras over the years from her's, but a couple of months ago, I decided I wanted one of my own, so I could dig deeper in my own Bible, and have it all right here with me.

I started on Matthew yesterday afternoon, and I am sooooooooooooooo excited!!!

You see, as a child, sermons didn't always hold my attention... So I would open my Bible and read Ruth. It was just long enough to fill the time, but short enough that I could finish it before the sermon was over. And every time I read her story, I fell more in love with it. I never knew why I felt such a connection to Ruth, but she's always been my favorite woman in the Bible. Her story is fresh and new each time I read it!

Anyway, I began reading Matthew yesterday, and the first exciting news was that I finally understand why he lists everybody and His brother at the beginning of the book... :) The LAB explained how Matthew was writing the book to the Jews, and he was writing out the geneology from Abraham (the father of their faith) to Jesus, to prove He was who He said He was. (But when Luke wrote it out, he was writing to the Gentiles, so he traced it back to Adam, to prove that Jesus came for all people.)

"Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,

Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,

Obed the father of Jesse,

and Jesse the father of King David.

David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah's wife."

~Matthew 1:5-6

This scripture makes me POSITIVELY GIDDY!!!!!! Do you get it???

The first thing is, if Ruth had not followed the path God had for her, and obeyed the words that were spoken over her, Obed wouldn't have existed...and therefore Jesse wouldn't have come, and neither would King David - the man after God's own heart... :D :D :D :D :D

And then, if that doesn't just beat all, let's take it one step further, and note that not only is King David part of Jesus' "family tree," but SO IS BATHSHEBA!!! :D :D :D :D :D Not that I'm thrilled about what David or Bathsheba did, but to see, so very, very clearly, that God didn't make sure that His son was coming from a line of "perfect people." BECAUSE THAT WOULDN'T BE POSSIBLE ANYWAY!!! Because we're human!!! :D

What I'm trying to get at, is the fact that Jesus didn't come just to save the people that bathe daily, wear their very best to church, sit up straight with legs crossed, carry their Bible under their arm, and only associate with others that do the very same.

He also came for the people that only bathe when they can find a water source, or when the rains come down from Heaven, consider their best to be a shirt that only has a few small holes and stains, slouch as far into their seat as they can, have never touched a Bible, and hang out at bars.

We have to get over ourselves! Just because we have already gotten it, doesn't mean that we're any better than those who haven't! They are still people! And they are still God's children - even if they choose to turn their back on Him! And don't you think it breaks His heart when we treat His precious children like they are beneath us, or that they are not worthy, or worse yet, we simply pretend that they don't exist?!?!?!

..."Jesus loves the little children, ALL the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His site, Jesus loves the little children of the world..."

The song came to my head, and now God has given me a picture to go with it. The "world" in the song can mean what we've always accepted it to mean - that He loves all the little kids from all the different countries on earth. Or we can take it to mean what He really wants us to understand! :D

Ready?

I'm 24, and to my mama, I am still her child. I will be her child until the day I die. She will never see me as not being her child. And that's exactly how God is! The little children in the story, represent every human on the planet, and the "world" is exactly that - it is the world that has trapped His precious children, and the world He wants to save them from!!! WOOHOO!!!! How awesome is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?! :)

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO super excited!!!

Look how GREAT my God is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Love you all! :)

Pickles and Ice Cream

The kids and me on our "date night" Friday night :)

So...last week, and this past weekend were very long days... :) I worked seven straight, then had the weekend off, but to be perfectly honest, having the weekend off does not constitute having a day off.

Sharon and David had date night Friday night, so the kids and I had a sleepover in my room. We watched "Horton Hears a Who" and just enjoyed having the evening to ourselves. We got in bed a little later than the "norm," and then were awake by 7:15. We lounged around the room until 8:30 when we sat down to breakfast, and then it was out to the farm to care for the bunnies.

Oh yes! I haven't blogged about that yet, I don't think... Samantha has bunnies now. Well...WE have bunnies now. It takes an army...

Samantha&Aimee, Sharon&Clayrabelle and Me&Clae
This was on day one... :)

She is "showing" breeder bunnies and a meat pen for FFA. So, currently, we have 2 does (females) and 1 buck (male). The idea is that she has to have 3 identical baby bunnies to make a meat pen. The bunnies can have anywhere from 1 to 12 bunnies at a time. The younger they are, the more babies they tend to have. However, the younger they are, the more violent they tend to be to their young...starving them, eating them, and/or stomping on them until they kill them. (So sorry if you have just eaten before reading this...)

Our does are 6 months old. That means they have just become "of age" to breed. First time mothers are more apt to be not very nice to their babies than "seasoned" mothers. So we're all hoping and praying for the best with this whole situation.

Anyway, we have to go to the farm every day to take care of the bunnies. We have to wear thick pants, thick shirt, long socks (mine are soccer socks) on our arms - with thumb holes cut out so we can use our hands, and rubber boots.

It has been raining off and on for the past three weeks or so, so the barn is, to say the least, very icky. When you step into the barn, your boots just immediately begin to get sucked into the mud - I'm talking your shoe is in sticky mud 2 or 3 inches deep...it's like what walking in sinking sand would be like, I imagine... :P

Clae (prounounced Clay) is quite the calm bunny. He doesn't mind being held, he lets us get him out of his cage without any major drama, and is generally an easy-going fellow.

Clayrabelle doesn't like being transported. When she's in her cage she loves it. When she's in your arms she loves it. It's just that in between time. As soon as you open the door to her cage, she hops and crouches in the very back corner (when they're in the back corner, you can't reach them good enough to get them out - and they're smart enough to know this :D ). So, you have to stand at the door to her cage, pet her a while, and then slowly start moving your arm back to yourself. She will follow your hand, and if it's a good day, she'll come up and put her front legs up on your chest, and then it's just a matter of grasping her quickly, covering her eyes (that's what you do to make them feel "safe" - I don't know about y'all, but if someone went and put their hands over my eyes, the last thing I'd feel is safe! That's when I'd start kicking and bucking as if my life depended on it...but these bunnies are just plain strange! :) ), and pulling her very swiftly against your body. Then your golden. She's happy and you're happy. One big "hoppy" family - yeah...that joke hasn't gotten old yet! :D

Aimee...oh, Aimee... In one week, Aimee has tried to escape each and every time she's been held. She has been completely successful twice - once jumping straight out of Samantha's arms and into the mud in the middle of the barn (Samantha was walking around with her), and the second time straight out of Samantha's arms and into the middle of her "poopy spot." She tried to escape one day while Samantha was sitting down with her, and I thought Samantha was going to pull her legs off before it was over! :) She was holding on to her back legs for dear life, and that bunny was going wild! Finally she got enough grip on her and managed to get her clutched back in her arms and against her chest. Then another time David was holding her (while standing) and she made it halfway down his leg before he regained control. Basically, the bunny just doesn't wanna be messed with.

So today, the "bunny experts" came to the barn and talked to Sharon and Samantha - the kids were out of school today (Davis was there as well, but he told me, rather proudly, that while all those people were talking, he was playing in the puddles! :D) for two hours about what we're supposed to be doing with these bunnies. They looked at each of them, and they said that Clayrabelle and Aimee have not been held and loved on, so that's why they are so resistant to us. They encouraged them to continue our efforts, and that eventually they will be used to us and get with the program.

Anyway, we spent a while at the farm taking care of the bunnies, and while there, we found out that Clayrabelle was sick, so we had to call the bunny expert and figure out what to do about that. It was time to pre-treat the bunnies for ear mites - you put two drops of a mixture of baby oil and camphophenic in each ear once a month. Samantha was holding Aimee and Davis was holding Clae. Sharon put the drops in the bunnies ears, and then she and I were just hanging out watching the kids with the bunnies...and I'll let Davis' letter tell the rest... :)

"This is a true story about Samantha's bunnies and me. Mama had just put this ear bite prevention stuff in clay's ears when I felt a very very, warm feeling running trumendously quik down my freezing cold legs. It was a very awkward moment because I felt like I was peeing on myself but NO it was CLAY!!! I speedy quik ran in the van stripped down to nothing but a towl, cowboy hat, boots and sunglasses. When I got home I felt like dried and sticky molasses. So I cleaned not just up, but down too.

Signed,

The Very Humiliated and Sticky, DAVIS

PS. Clay is still my friend."

-I typed it exactly how it was written. And I tell you, that I laughed the whole time he was writing it this afternoon, and now I'm sitting here laughing again! And of course I laughed Saturday afternoon when it happened as well... Davis told me that I could share the picture with y'all, so here it is:


We went to the rodeo that afternoon/evening, and had a magnificent time! :) The Heartland Rodeo (here in Waco) is the "last stop" rodeo before the big kahuna rodeo in Las Vegas, so this is a pretty big deal! :) I thoroughly enjoy watching it all! It is definitely an art form.

Sunday was church day, and in true form, we went from sun up to sun down!

So I'm just now finally getting to catch you up - so sorry for the long post...but I have just a little bit more...if you can hang with me... :)

If you're wondering about the title of the blog, here it comes... :)

In the last week, especially this weekend, my heart is craving home. Never having been pregnant, I don't know for sure, but I would have to assume that the craving I have for home right now has to be very similar to that stereotypical "pickles and ice cream" pregnancy craving. I crave the smells, the sights, the sounds, the people, the culture.

I crave every minute aspect of it!

I cannot wait to be back at my church.
To sit in the living room with Mama and just be together - reading, talking, whatever - just being in the same room!
To eat supper with my family on Friday evenings, and to enjoy dinner with them on Sundays after church.
I can't wait to be back to help Marcia spray paint the ground, and prepare everything the night before Field Day, and to be there on Field Day to be right in the middle of it all!
I can't wait to be able to cook in my kitchen with my cooking utensils.
I can't wait to be able to plan the menu for the week!
I can't wait to watch something on a screen that's bigger than my laptop screen!
I can't wait to sleep in my bed!
I can't wait to be back in the middle of the fellowship in the church that has knelt before Him for me as I followed after the only One that could take my brokenness and turn it into beauty before Him, and the only One that could quench the thirst that was in my soul.

I am longing for home. And soon I will be there! :D

Thank you all so very much for praying for me, encouraging me, emailing and writing me, calling and texting me - reaching out just when I needed someone most, as I have traveled this road.

Sometimes the days seem so short, and others, it seems like forever 'til I'll be back in that "Georgia State of Mind"... :)

Love y'all more than I could ever hope to put into words! :)

And now, the rest of the story...

"Multiple Myeloma" by Mayo Clinic staff

Multiple Myeloma is a cancer of your plasma cells, a type of white blood cell present in your bone marrow. Plasma cells normally make proteins called antibodies to help you fight infections.

In Multiple Myeloma, a group of abnormal plasma cells (Myeloma cells) multiplies, raising the number of plasma cells to a higher than normal level. Since these cells normally make proteins, the level of abnormal proteins in your blood also may go up. Health problems caused by Multiple Myeloma can affect your bones, immune system, kidneys and red blood cell count.

Multiple Myeloma typically affects middle-aged or elderly persons. It accounts for 15% of all hematological malignancies. Approximately 15,000 new cases are diagnosed each year. Multiple Myeloma is more common in men than women, and in African Americans than Caucasians. Over 50,000 Americans are currently living with Multiple Myeloma.

On April 13, 2009 my aunt Diane was diagnosed with this rare form of cancer. Most of you already know this, but for those of you that don't, I wanted to provide you with a little background before going on.

Diane began chemotherapy in July, and just finished her last treatment September 18th. Friday, she will begin preparation for the stem cell collection, and will meet back with the doctor on the 20th for further planning.

Through it all, she has been a pillar of strength, a shining light in the midst of the darkness that is trying to surround and overtake her. Satan absolutely had no idea who he was messing with when he sent his little sickness demons to Diane - but God knew! :) God knew that she was going to come straight to Him! To come running into His arms, and lean on Him through it all! Pointing everyone that came into her path right back to Him! Being more of a witness than pastors, evangelists or missionaries, simply by "living out loud!"

The Monday following her last treatment, as I was preparing to go to work, God gave me a very powerful picture regarding Diane. I immediately called and shared it with Mama, and she was also touched by what He had shown me. That Friday afternoon, I was off work, and I had some time alone with God, just soaking Him in, and enjoying the rest, when He began expounding on the picture. I opened up the laptop, and He poured the words into my heart, and out my fingertips.

I would like to share with you what He shared with me, and ask that you join our family in praying for Diane as she travels this journey:

And now, the rest of the story

He is seated at His desk. His white robe billowing out around Him, and His hair shining and flowing around His shoulders - He is the picture of peace. He has a book opened in front of Him and He reaches out to adjust the ink well before picking up His quill to begin writing where He left off. He dips the quill into the well, and leans into the book - tenderness, compassion and excitement etched into His face - as if this is the single most important thing He will ever write.

He pauses, takes a deep breath, and decides to take a look back before He moves on. As He reads through the pages that contain the happenings of her last six months, He has tears flowing down His face - He is reliving the fear, apprehension, pain, hurt, nervousness, and joy she has felt during that time.

He plays back the clips, in His mind's eye, of the times He has sat and held her, catching the tears she cried in His hand, and closing them over His heart. Her pain has been His pain, her joy has been His too. He remembers the sleepless nights, and the long days when He held her hand as she prayed to Him. He thinks on the times she has poured out her heart - her questions, longings, dreams and desires - as she has poured words out into her journal, and notes out of her piano. Oh the joy! Oh the beauty of her worship to Him! How it makes His heart sing!

As He looks over at the Father and He nods, letting Him know that He too has seen and felt and been there through it all, their faces shine with glory, and an excitement is tangible in the air around them. You see, what they both know is that this is only the beginning. This season has been preparation for all that is to come! She has gathered many lessons during this time, and will now go out into this world as a shining light - stronger than she's ever been before, because she's come to lean on them more than she ever has.

She has touched many lives to this point, but the lives that will be touched in the future far surpass anything she could imagine. She will now be able to impact people she never would have had the opportunity to meet, before this time.

Oh yes, this story has only just begun.

If you know me at all...

...you will understand just how amazing the following story is... :)

So, here it is. Last Saturday night, Sharon, David, Davis and I were supposed to go to the Baylor football game. Davis was SUPER EXCITED about it, because lots of his friends were supposed to be there, and so he had been looking forward to it for WEEKS!

Well, that afternoon, it started raining cats and dogs, and Sharon broke the news to him that we probably wouldn't be going, because it was raining much too hard. He got extremely upset, so Sharon told him that we would go ahead with everything as planned, and just see what happened.We packed up our "tailgating picnic" (cold chicken, PB&Js, pasta salad, pickles and grapes and headed on over.

Thankfully, it had stopped gushing and was just drizzling by the time we got to the stadium. They were having something called "Touchdown Alley" for the kids before the game, and that started at 3:30 - we got there at 3:45, and there was hardly anyone there - the game started at 6...

At 5, we headed back to the van, got out our picnic, and sat in the van to enjoy our delicious supper. As we were eating, the rain started getting harder, and about halfway through our dinner, the bottom fell out. (Needless to say, at this point, I was VERY sorry that I had not either #1 - just stayed at home, or #2 - brought my own car... :P ) However, Sharon had different plans - she had packed ponchos - we were going to see this game no matter what. We "poncho'd up" inside the van, and tucked our stadium seats up under the ponchos so they would stay dry as we walked through the flood waters to the stadium (FYI - we had to park in a grassy field that had quickly turned into a marshland with the rain; also, if you've never witnessed central-Texas rain...well, let's just say I hope you don't ever have to... :) Anyway, here, even a little bit of rain leads to deep water everywhere, because here in Waco, we're in the pits - meaning that we are like a little bowl that is sunken down past everyone else, so the rain has nowhere else to go, and just puddles on us - our backyard can "flood out" if it rains for a good 30-45 minutes).

Off we went, wading through the highwaters to Floyd Casey Stadium - home of the Baylor Bears. Also, I had made the mistake of wearing jeans on this outing, as it was VERY cold, and I had dressed accordingly for the cold...not so much for the rain. So, reaching down deep and finding my inner-80s child, I rolled my jeans up, letting my converse (no, they aren't hightops :D) shine...along with my blindingly white legs :D...as we traveled to the stadium.

When we finally made it all the way around the forever-long fence to the ticket gate, and under the heaven-sent awning, David went off in search of something, and Davis began urging Sharon and I to go with him to find our seats. We finally gave in, seeing that the rain had somewhat slacked off, walked up the ramp, and the MINUTE our feet touched the concrete, the rain began pounding us! It was blowing sideways, and it felt like hail as it slammed into our poor, unsuspecting bodies! :( It HURT! We all quickly turned tail and ran right back down the ramp!

We ran into David, and as he and Sharon stood there debating on what to do, Davis was begging them to stay and watch the game, and I was praying with everything in me that God would deliver me from this horrendous situation! Unfortunately, He had other plans for me that evening, and they made the decision to go on back out and see how long we could tolerate it. Thankfully, by the time we got settled (having kept our wonderful stadium seats under our ponchos the entire time, we swung them around to our backsides - them still under the ponchos - and lowered ourselves to sitting, so we at least had dry bottoms! :)

Thankfully, a little before the end of the first quarter, the rain slacked off, and by halftime, it had stopped all together. It sprinkled on us a little bit toward the end of the 3rd, but we stuck it out through the entire game, to see Baylor beat the Kent State somebody or others 35-21 (I believe... :) ).

Sharon also spent the first half of the game explaining football to me, so by the second half, I rather enjoyed watching it, and was really getting into it! :)

So there ya go. One more thing to mark off my "bucket list"...

#1,987, 642 - Watch a football game in the pouring rain ;)

Love y'all!

What we, here in Hewitt, call "drowned rats"... :)

Well, duh!

Ok...I think in the last update I promised that I would soon share with you some of the stuff that God has been planting in my heart...so here goes (and then we'll get to the other good stuff! :D )

If you've known me for a while, you should know that I LOVE children, and I LOVE the elderly, it's just those "in-between" ages that throw me for a loop. Some of my favorite memories are from working in the nursery at the various churches I have attended, volunteering at the daycare for the children of the NEGMC employees and volunteering at New Horizons North (the nursing home on Limestone Pkwy in Gainesville). There is just something so awesome about people in those two age categories - and there is sooooooooooooo much to learn from them, as well! I have always had a special net cast around me when it comes to dealing with teenage females (even when I was one) - they are just a different breed of human, and for me and my personality, it takes a lot for me to reach them, cause I just don't understand them - all of the drama, upheaval, he said/she said, fussing, feuding, etc. Maybe the problem is that since I spent a lot of time playing at Mama's office, with her and her coworkers while they were working, that I never really went through that phase.

I have always felt quite a bit older than others my age - sidenote: when writing "the list" with God this summer on the future husband, the line regarding age that He allowed me to write down was, "If he is younger than me, or the same age as me - he will be mature beyond his years." (I wanted to put "older than me" but He wouldn't allow that :P) I just haven't had much luck finding guys that are my age, that are quite on the same wavelength with me... As I told Mama this summer when she was here and we were having this conversation - I feel like a 30-40 something, with a 23 year old's birthdate. I'm thinking about settling down with husbands, houses, children and ministry, and most people my age are thinking about school, dating, networking, and what they're doing this weekend. I'm just not there. And I really never have been.

Saying all that to say this : God has planted a PASSION - an URGENT passion - for girls (12-18 specifically) to give them the message that God has given me this summer, and during the writing of the book. I don't know all the details of what it's gonna look like, or how it's gonna shape up, I just know it's supposed to happen. And I know it is definitely a God thing, because I NEVER would have chosen such a thing on my own. But, in true God fashion, now that it's in my heart, I'm totally on fire and ready to go with it! :)

And now for the "Well, duh!" moment... :)

Many of you may already know what I'm about to tell you. It might be rooted deep in your heart, and it might just have been a fleeting thought on a cold dark night when you were alone looking at the stars. For me, I've heard it MANY times through the years, but it just took root over the past week or so.

Are you ready? :)

I am here, because God has a purpose for me.

Haha! :) How do you like that? Did you realize that? Do you realize and understand that NOTHING you do in this life is insignificant?

Get ridiculous with me for a moment:

I need to eat breakfast. In the cabinet, I have cereal and I have muffins. I am really craving cereal, but there's just enough milk for my cereal, and I am supposed to be making a dish for dinner that requires milk. So, if I eat the cereal and use the milk, I will have to go to the store and buy more milk, or I could just have the muffins. I decide that I really want the cereal, and I'll just make the trip to the store. So I have my breakfast, and head to the store. When I get to the store, I run into a girl I haven't seen since graduation. We stop and talk for a while, and she tells me about how she just doesn't feel like she's getting anywhere. She doesn't feel like she's accomplished anything, and wonders if she ever will. I take the time to stop and talk to her, share my story with her, allowing her to see how God used the things I thought were pretty insignificant and turned them into something pretty amazing. Then I pray with her, and we part ways. I get to the end of aisle and run into the lady from church that is in charge of VBS. I ask her how things are going with sign-ups and she explains that she is still looking for someone to handle supper, and needs someone to help out with the physical activity portions of each evening. I tell her that I'll be happy to help with the suppers, and I'm sure Mama would be happy to help as well, and then tell her that I'll talk with my aunt who is a PE coach and see if she'd be interested in helping with the activities. She thanks me for offering and we part ways, with me assuring her that I'll get back with her by the end of the day to confirm everything. I finally make it to the milk, pick up my gallon and head to the counter. On the way, I pass the display of cards, and I remember that my friend's birthday is in a few days, and I pick up a card and a gift and to the counter I go. When I get there, my cashier looks like she just lost her best friend, so I greet her with a smile, hello and a sincere "How are you doing?" She answers, telling me that her grandmother was put in the hospital last night, and they don't know if she's going to make it to the end of the week. I tell her how sorry I am to hear that, then (looking at her name badge) call her by name, and tell her that I will be praying for her family during this time. She thanks me, and has a slight smile on her face as I go on my way.

Yes...I am aware that was a rambly story. But look at what I just encountered:
1 - The girl from high school that was feeling down and out, but left feeling an uplift in her spirit, and knowing that there was someone else out there that had been down the same path
2 - The stressed VBS coordinator who left feeling light, knowing that she was able to cross a few things off of her extremely long list of to dos.
3 - The hurting cashier, who was worried and anxious, but now knows that someone out there cared enough to call her by name, and is now carrying some of her burden.

...and all that because I chose to eat cereal for breakfast. :)

Do you get it???? Please tell me you do! :D

EVERYTHING MATTERS!!! There is NOTHING that does not matter! The fact that I am sitting here typing this blog matters. Because I fully believe that God is going to use this and touch someone's heart! He's going to do to you what He's been doing to me this week! :) I promise you that your ENTIRE world will turn upside down when you realize that you are still walking this earth, only because God isn't finished with you! :) Your life truly has a purpose! And every part of your life somehow impacts something else! :) I am so pumped right now just typing it!!! :D I want this to light a fire under your tushy! :) Not to make you turn into some psycho that doesn't do anything without analyzing it completely because you have to make sure that it's going to have a grand impact on the world, but instead, to make you want to live your life as fully and completely and energetically as possible, so you can make the most impact.

Don't worry your life away. And don't overthink. If you get an urge (of course, I'm assuming that you understand the difference in "good" urges and "bad" urges :) ), do it. If you have the urge to take your children/grandchildren to the park and play for a while. Make the time and do it. If you have the urge to cook a romantic dinner for your spouse/fiance DO IT! If you have the urge to run up to a friend and give them a HUGE hug - DO IT! If you have the urge to pay for the couple's dinner that's sitting across the restaurant - DO IT! If you have the urge to send a card to a friend that you haven't gotten to talk to lately - DO IT! If you have the urge to visit a friend or family member you haven't seen in a while - DO IT! God WANTS to use YOU to bless OTHERS!!! :D All He wants from you is a willing heart - He'll provide the rest. He'll stretch the hours in your day, stretch the dollars in the bank, stretch the love in your heart. Let Him. :)

I'll step down from my soapbox now... :)

At the Anne Graham Lotz seminar, at the end of one of the talks, she asked for those to stand up that knew God was calling them to something and they were having a hard time saying yes and doing it. For perhaps the first time in my life, I didn't have to stand up! :D Can I tell you how awesomely amazing that moment felt for me? As I sat there, tears pouring down my face, realizing that, for right now anyway, I've got it! I'm following after Him as hard as I physically can, and in the moments I can't do it anymore, I tell Him He's gonna have to carry us both, and not just hold my hand as I go through it! And He does! He picks me up, holds my head close to His heart and runs through the fire for me! :)

I was sharing with a friend on Friday, how I believe if I went through my God-journals (to explain that category, I have my journals to God, my journal to the Future Husband, my "dream" and "todo" journal... :) ), that the thing that would come up more than anything, would be the times that I am completely wrapped up in Him, and I can physically feel His arms around me - whether it be at church, LifeGroup, in my room, the living room, in the car, at work, wherever! There are times when I feel His hands on my shoulder. Where I feel his arms around my back, where I feel his legs under mine, and his chest against my back, and know that I am sitting in His lap. He is REAL, y'all! He is HERE! And all He wants is us to love Him more than we love anything else - more than our spouses, children, family, friends, wealth, career, health, favorite pasttime - He wants us to love Him first. He doesn't want our leftovers. Don't get me wrong, He'll take whatever you give Him, and He'll take it happily. But the joy you'll experience from giving to Him first will never be matched anywhere else.

And another lesson is this: it doesn't matter how you get with God. You don't have to have a specific place, or time, or day. You don't have to have your eyes closed. You don't have to read your Bible. You don't have to listen to "God music." No doubt that all those things can sometimes help you "get" there. But you can have moments with God wherever, whenever! He is ALWAYS with you!!! He's just waiting on you to get it! :)

I have a lot more I intended to type up, but I think that this is what I want to leave you with right now. God loves you. He wants all of you. And it's true - you can never out give God. You give Him all of your heart, and you'll find that you have more love in there than you ever thought you have. You give Him your worries, and you'll find you're more "go with the flow" than you've ever been. You give Him your regrets and past hurts, and He'll redeem them - He'll use them through you to help others! You give Him your finances and He'll bless others and you through it! He's all over it! :)

I love you all! :)

More to come, soon! :)

"Heaven is the Face"

Steven Curtis Chapman has a new single out - recently released - and he has an album "Beauty Will Rise" out November 3rd. The song isn't where I can put it on the blog page for your listening pleasure, but I want you to read the lyrics. The album was born from his pain, grief and sadness, but also screams of hope and excitement for eternity! :D

Heaven is the face of a little girl with dark brown eyes that disappear when she smiles
And Heaven is the place where she calls my name, says, "Daddy please come play with me for awhile."

God, I know, it's all of this and so much more, but God, You know that this is what I'm aching for. God, You know, I just can't see beyond the door. So right now...

Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep, lying on my chest falling fast asleep while I sing.
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms, being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams.

And God, I know, it's all of this and so much more, but God, You know that this is what I'm longing for. God, You know, I just can't see beyond the door.

But in my mind's eye I can see a place where Your glory fills every empty space. All the cancer is gone, every mouth is fed and there's no one left in the orphan's bed. Every lonely heart finds their one true love, and there's no more goodbye, and no more not enough, and there's no more enemy (no more).

Heaven is a sweet maple syrup kiss, and a thousand other little things I miss with her gone.
And Heaven is the place where she takes my hand, and leads me to You, and we both run into Your arms.

Oh God, I know it's so much more than I can dream. It's far beyond anything I can conceive.
So God You know I'm trusting You until I see...

Heaven in the face of my little girl...
Heaven in the face of my little girl...

How incredible is that song??? If you haven't gotten a chance to hear it yet, please make a way to do so! There's so much good stuff all over it! You don't have to have a child, or have lost a child tragically to be touched by the words in this song. I play the bridge: "But in my mind's eye, I can see a place where Your glory fills every empty space. All the cancer is gone, every mouth is fed and there's no one left in the orphan's bed. Every lonely heart finds their one true love, and there's no more goodbye, and no more not enough. And there's no more enemy (no more)" over and over again - how powerful the picture that is painted with those words! :)

On another note, we (Sharon, Samantha and I - and 10,000 other people) attended Anne Graham Lotz "Just Give Me Jesus" conference tonight. It continues tomorrow from 8:30-12 and 2-5. (I'll miss the first half of the day because I have to work, but I'll make it to the second half)

It was INCREDIBLE!!! I will have PLENTY of thoughts and ideas to share from it later, but right now I'm about to crash! :) And of course, there is another idea that God has birthed in me over the last few weeks that He confirmed tonight. So, of course, I'll want to share that with you as well - but I must sleep, or I'll be sleeping through tomorrow's seminar, and not learning very much! :)

I love you all, and hope you're having an incredible weekend! :)

A quick update :)

So...last night, I hate to admit, but I had a "doubt" session ...

***The only reason I am sharing the following information is because it is crucial to the rest of the story... :) ***

You see, I LOVE my job. I have liked jobs I have had before this, and have sincerely enjoyed some of them. But I LOVE this one.

I started work on February 28th, as a cashier.

In March I received "Employee of the Month" for the Front End - cashier, guest services, cart attendants, food service department

In April they started training me for "Food Avenue" - which is our little cafe type thing, where we do breakfast, lunch and dinner - very basic, but soooooooooooooo much fun!!! :D

In June I received "Employee of the Month" for the Front End again.

At the end of July, they began training me for Clerical - the payroll, scheduling, paperwork side of things

August 28th marked my "Six Month Anniversary" :)

The week before last they trained me for Price Accuracy - this is the "markdown/clearance" team.

Last week they started training me for the Service Desk - Marcia's favorite place in any store, cause that's where you return things! :D (I love you, Marcia! :D )

And then yesterday, while I was working in the Clerical department, Joann (the HR Director, and the supervisor over the Clerical department) informed me that the ETL (Executive Team Leads-there are 5 of them) had met earlier in the week to talk about who would be the "Great Team Hero" for the month of September, and then in the Team Lead meeting on Friday, they had opened up the floor for the Team Leads (there are 15 of them) to nominate people from their departments they thought should get the award. She said that one of the team leads mentioned my name, and it was a unanimous decision around the table that it would go to me. Needless to say, as I sat there listening to her, tears were pooling in my eyes, and then they began to pour down my face. She said, "Vanessa! Are you crying?!?!" And I told her yes. I was completely overwhelmed. I don't do anything I do at the store because I want to be recognized, or because I want to "win points" with the ETLs and the TLs. I do it simply because I absolutely LOVE my job. She said, "I know. And that is what makes it even greater! And if you don't stop crying, I'm gonna be crying with you!" She walked over and gave me a hug, and Jerry (another of the ETLs) was sitting in the room, and he said, "Let's just make it a group hug!" It was an awesome moment! I sat in awe at how God had orchestrated the entire thing from the beginning, and how he had brought so much fruit out of it in such a short time! :) It's incredible what happens when we really listen to him...huh? :)

So...back to the story...

After all that, I came home last night questioning God. Basically, all I was saying was, "God...did I really hear you say that I was to go back to Georgia the last weekend in January, or was I just wanting to go back so badly I made it all up myself?" I asked it. I prayed it. I cried it out. I begged for an answer. I reread journal entries from that time. I reread blog entries. I reread emails I had gotten from all of you. I searched and I searched and I searched, but I still went to sleep with a heavy heart. I kept telling Him that I just didn't understand why He would put me in such an incredible place in my job, only to take it away less than a year from when I started. And furthermore, I didn't understand why He would put me in a job that I was head over heels for, and then yank it away from me. (Not that I'm just dying to be in a job that makes me miserable or anything, right now, but I was just telling Him that if I had indeed heard Him correctly on the end of January thing, then it would have been nice if He wouldn't have put me in such an incredible place now... :P lol)

So...I finally shut up trying to tell God how to run things, and I went to sleep.

I woke up this morning, and while I was getting ready for church, a friend of mine had called and left me a message. She said that God had put me on her heart all morning, and that during the service (she goes to the 8:30 with her family - she's 40 with two children and I love her entire family dearly!) she felt like God was giving her something to tell me. She said, "You know I don't do too well with these 'words' and all, but since it's for you, I'm gonna go ahead and give it to you, and if it is totally off base, I know you'll tell me and forgive me. But God wants you to know that you just need to stay on the path He set before you. Don't doubt and don't be worried. Just follow the path in front of you, and keep going where He told you to go. He loves you and has many great plans for your future. Just keep going forward. I love you girl!"

Yeah...anyone else smiling right now? :) Isn't it incredible how quickly God answers prayers and sends us confirmation?!?! :)

But that's not all! (And now I feel like I sound like an infomercial...lol)

I got another message on my phone from another close friend passing on another word, basically telling me that God said that everything is on His timetable, and it will all happen exactly when it is supposed to happen! :D

Yeah...once again...that's not all! :D

Got into the service, and the song set was INCREDIBLE!!! I was bawling like a baby, with the entire top of my shirt soaked in tears by the end of the first song, and it continued until the end of the service. I was so completely overwhelmed by God's love for me! The songs went straight to the bottom of my heart, and He just sat there and held me, rocked me and loved on me. It was awesome.

But there's still one last thing... :)

Then Jimmy got up and brought the message. He talked about how God has much for our lives, but that we have to give up our whole life to receive the whole life of Jesus. That He wants to give it all to us, but we have to let go of the "treasures" we store up. Whether it be people, or hobbies, or entertainment, or even our jobs... ("Vanessa....are you listening to me down there...? :) )

So...there you have it. I'm coming home the last weekend of January. God said it. And I'm obeying. I'm not willing to disobey and take 100 steps back. So...I'll say my goodbyes to these beautiful children, the friends I've made, and the job I love so much when the time comes. But God will be right by my side through it all. And when I get upset, He'll give me some extra love and affection, hold me tight, pick me up and carry me through it. We'll drive back to Georgia together, and when I arrive, I'll be able to see, at least a little, what all He has in store for me! I feel it in my heart - there are big things coming! In some ways, it absolutely scares me to death. And in other ways, it makes me so excited I can hardly sleep at night! The unknown is terrifying, but completely exhilarating!

One other thing I'll mention (cause I don't think I have before...) before I sign off for the evening.

A couple of weeks ago...we'll it's probably been about a month ago now...I felt like God was telling me that I was supposed to get a journal, and I was supposed to write entries to the Future Husband. I thought it was one of the crazier things God had told me to do, because I don't even know this man, and God wants me writing to him?!?!? So we had to have a long sit down talk, and He explained to me that this was to be something that I poured my heart into, was raw, emotional and real. Share my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my anxious thoughts, my fears... That this would be a journal for my FH, God and me. That this would be my gift to him, the day after we become engaged. This will allow him to see me, my heart, and the growth that God is orchestrating in me. And it will be something we can go back to in the years ahead, to see how God paved the way. After He got me straightened out on all that, I was onboard. :D

I bought the journal a few weeks ago, but didn't begin writing in it until September 1st - which by the way, was also the day that I realized I had exactly one month left until I'd be 24...I know those of you that are older than that are probably groaning, but man...when I realized that I'd soon be halfway to 50, it made me stop for a moment. Then I looked back and realized how far I had come in such a short amount of time, thanked God that He had seen fit to figure me all out before the beginning of the world, shook it off and got on with my day! :) I have filled up 8-10 pages this week, and each time I write in it, it is completely indescribable what God does in that time. The things He softly whispers to me. The way He draws my heart nearer to this man I've never met. The way He builds up and encourages the dreams for the future that are in His will for my life, and the way He gently helps me to loosen my fingers on the ones that aren't in His plan. Amazing. Incredible. Awesome. God. :)

So. I think you're all caught up now. :)

Happy Labor Day - tomorrow! :D I work 8-12, and then get to come to the house and be with the family. Samantha wants to french braid my hair...I can't wait to see what comes of this, since it doesn't even reach my shoulders, and is stacked in the back. But hey - I'm all for having someone play with my hair, so let her have at it! :D Then they want to go on a bike ride tomorrow evening...I'm trying to figure out how safe Spooky would be inside a backpack (with it unzipped and on backwards so he'd be in front, of course! :D )...I hate to leave him behind, but the pink carrier that I use when we walk isn't supportive enough for me to steer my bicycle and hold onto him too...we'll just have to see, I guess... :) I'll let you know what comes of it! :)

One more thing. I've got a few "little bits" that I'd like to ask you to pray for. Not things I want to list here on the web for the whole world to see, but things I'd like to have all of my faithful prayer warriors lifting up on my behalf. There are 4 things. God knows them well, because I've been hounding Him about all of it for a month or so now - but He doesn't mind! :) Cause He loves me like CRAZY, and He delights in me. And He made me, and my quirks, so He gets me! :D

Love you all! :)

My God is UH-MAZE-ING!!! :D

So...here it is! :)

Monday afternoon, when I got off work, I had a voicemail on my cell phone, and it was from my daddy! :)

"Hey baby. It's daddy. I just wanted to call and tell you I love you. Been thinkin' about you a whole lot. Bye bye."

Needless to say, I was COMPLETELY blown away - if you haven't gotten that by now... :D

We talked on Wednesday for a while, and I am still amazed by God's goodness and how He answers things in a way FAR better than anything we could come up with! And in His absolutely PERFECT timing! :D

God is so good....
God is so good...
God is so good
He's so good to me! :D

Thank you for ALL your prayers! They were certainly felt! :) Now keep them coming! :)

As I told Mama in the moments following the moment I got the message (of course I immediately called her! :D ) - I didn't want to guard my heart too much, and not leave any room to hear him out, and allow him to show true change, but at the same time, I didn't want to open myself wider than I should, and get my heart broken again. And God was all in it! :D I'm so glad He loves me like He does! :D

WooooooooooooooooooooooooHooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! :D

I love you all!

Blown away...

...this is just a short post, because I don't have any details I want to share yet, but I will tell you that God answers the heart's cries! He always comes through! Not necessarily in our timing, but in His perfect timing! And I couldn't be more thrilled! :D

What I am asking for is your prayers. God knows what it's for, so I'm just keeping it close to my heart for a little bit longer. But I ask that as you get this, and throughout the next day or two, if you think of me, please pray hard for wisdom and an open, God-guarded heart. I want this to be perfectly in the will of God. It's already got His fingerprints all over it, and I just don't want my emotions and flesh-driven ways to be a stumbling block.

Thank you for all of your support and your prayers!

I love you all - more than I could ever hope to describe or explain! :)

Proud of me? ;)

So, here is the vision I spoke of in the earlier blog. It is included in the book, so I included the entire bit. Enjoy! :)

"Only One Carry-On Per Passenger"

These words are becoming increasingly familiar to those of us who are frequent fliers. Why? If you bring along more than one bag on a trip, it costs you. What does this have to do with marriage and dating, you ask? Everything! The more baggage you bring into a relationship, the more it costs you in the long run.

I have recently come to the realization that one of the reasons I am still single is because I have too many suitcases from the past. I have to allow God to unpack them, sort through them, keep what needs to be kept, and throw out the rest. When entering into a new relationship, you aren't just beginning a new chapter in your life - you are joining someone else's journey, and this new ride will have to carry their bags as well.

God has given me a glimpse of just what this would look like if the baggage in our hearts was tangible:

In each scenario, there is a newly married couple racing to their getaway car, only the automobile and baggage is a little different in each.

Scenario 1: The couple races to their RV to find it overflowing with every suitcase, train case, duffel bag, backpack and trunk known to mankind.

Scenario 2: The couple races to their Suburban to find it crammed with every suitcase, train case, duffel bag and backpack known to mankind.

Scenario 3: The couple races to their mini-van to find it packed with every suitcase, train case and duffel bag known to mankind.

Scenario 4: The couple races to their dual-cab truck to find it filled with every suitcase and train case known to mankind.

Scenario 5: The couple races to their SmartCar to find only two small bags.

What in the world does this mean? Put yourself in each of these vehicles going on a long road trip. Which one would you prefer? The RV that has to stay on the big roads, can only park at the very end of the parking lot and to have to chart your course ahead of time and stick to it for the duration of your trip, or the SmartCar that can go on all the back roads so you can enjoy all the scenic routes, get in all the small (close up) parking spaces, be able to stop on a dime, and can change course at a moment's notice so you can make the most of your journey?

Of course you want the SmartCar...or at least you should! This is your honeymoon, a vacation experience like no other - the road trip of all road trips! You have put time, money and effort into choosing the perfect destination and of course you want the journey to be just as memorable as the trip itself. You want to stop and smell the roses and enjoy the sights along the way.

Only this is not a vacation you are dealing with - this is your life.

***End of excerpt***

Well folks, there you have it! :) And so, I am patiently (or at least trying to be patient about it) standing aside (well, most of the time at least...lol) and allowing God to drag all my junk out of my luggage, and sort through to get me down to that one carry-on bag! Some days are easy, others are hard, and others it is completely painful, as He is completely removing things from my heart that have grown long, twisted roots and have been there so long, I don't even recognize them as being foreign objects - they've simply become a part of me.

So, in praying for the list, and all the other things God brings to my mind regarding my FH, I am also praying that He catches onto the Carry-On principle, and allows God to go through his luggage as well, so we'll both be ready at the same time! :D

Ok. Two posts in one day - must be some kind of record! :D I'm gonna go curl up with my puppy and read a little bit now! Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Love you!

Victory, Vivaldi and Vanessa :)

Where to begin... :) As usual, I sit here with an overflowing heart...and don't have a clue where to start! :)


So...on July 8th, The Lynn's packed up and headed out for their tour of the south, not knowing exactly when they would return (David came back on August 9th - he had stuff he has to get done for school...and Sharon and the kids should be arriving sometime tomorrow morning). They were barely here a week after they arrived home from Thailand, until they were gone again!


Of course, they left the day after we all found out about the 24:14 thing, and I was trying not to dwell on the decisions I thought I had to make, and instead decided to go into denial, and pretend like I didn't have to think at all about the future for a while! :) After I sent the email to you all letting you know I needed your prayers, I simply put it all to the back of my mind, and figured I'd return to it at a later date. :)


After they left, I began to fill my hours with work, praying that time would pass very quickly until the 17th - which is when Mama would arrive! :D Of course, after she got here, I prayed that time would pass very slowly while she was here - I didn't want her time here to go quickly! :) We had a wonderful time visiting, and thoroughly enjoyed our time together! :) We even got to drive down to San Antonio for a few days to enjoy the Riverwalk and Sea World (two things I have been wanting to do since last summer when people started telling me about them!!!)! :) Our hotel was on the Riverwalk, and it was all incredibly beautiful! :) Loved EVERY minute of that trip! :) Then we came back and hung out around Hewitt! I got to cook for Mama almost every night, and I thoroughly enjoyed that - it's just not much fun cooking for one, you know... So I took FULL advantage of having someone else around to cook for! :)

Mama returned home on Sunday, July 26th. To say I had a hard time after she left would be putting it mildly. I threw myself into work all day, and then came home at night to Spooky. He was the only person in my world outside of work at that time. I wasn't on the phone that week, I wasn't emailing or blogging...I just was. I kept asking God why He would make me stay here when I was so longing to just pack up and go home. Then when He wouldn't answer that, I would plead with Him that if He was insisting on me staying here longer, to please allow me to enjoy it like I used to! But NOTHING was happening! I was far from enjoying life here, and I didn't feel like He was releasing me to begin packing my bags and heading for home.

So on we went. On that Tuesday, in the midst of my searching for an answer as to what I was supposed to do, location-wise, for my future, I felt God put something on my heart. He told me that we were going to sit down, and we were going to compile a list of the qualities that exist in my future husband. He made it clear that this was not a list for Him, but instead was a list for me - so that when men come along, I will not be trying to cram them into a spot in my heart, but will instead go to the list He has provided me, and I will know that I am to move right along. I didn't really see why this was necessary during this very frustrating week, but He was talking, so out came the paper and pen, and the written list was born. My eyes were opened wide as I read over it when it was finished, and I realized just how different the things that went on His list were, compared to what would have gone down if it had been my list. In a strange twist of things, I awoke the next morning, and the first thing on my mind was the list. I was reminded of what it represented - the man God made to live, walk and grow alongside me - and I felt an overwhelming desire to pray for this unknown man. I prayed for him that morning, and it has been the first part of my morning ever since then. I know that for some people, it is normal to pray for their future spouse...not so for me. I have always thought it was a really sweet idea, and at times throughout my teenage and young adult years, it has crossed my mind, so I have prayed for him. But this has just been different. An urgency that I have never felt before, and there have been specific things to pray for. I pray for him each morning as my eyes open and God puts him on my heart, but then different times during the day, he'll be brought again to my mind. It's just been incredibly interesting. So...on a lighter note, I'm just praying that God has had him praying as hard for me as I am for him! I sure could use the extra prayers! :)

***I have another note to write on the above, and a vision God gave me for me and the book while Mama was here (that I have shared with several people, and God has already used), but I think it is for another blog. So stay tuned! :) If I get really inspired, I might type it up tonight after Spooky and I return from our evening walk. :)

I continued on with my imploring of God to give me an answer for my future location, but I didn't feel like I was getting anything, and so that Saturday night, I was done. I called Mama and left her a message (it was around midnight, Georgia time, if I recall correctly), begging her to pray that some kind of resolution would come. I was at the end of my rope, God hadn't given me any answers, and I felt quite abandoned. I was sick all that night, and didn't get much, if any, sleep. I felt like Jacob wrestling God. And I just wouldn't let it go. Even though I was hurting, I kept hanging on with everything in me. Finally, early that morning when I was completely spent - physically, emotionally, spiritually - I uncurled my stubborn fingers, and that, of course, is when He met me.

Which catches you up to the last blog, in which I gave you the answer to my imploring.

Since then, I have felt it confirmed that I will be leaving Texas on the 30th of January. He pushed it almost to the very last moment of His timeline! :) So typical... Lol! :D

So, now to explain the title of the blog. :)

Victory. Victory has come all over the place in little ways where God has really been working on some areas of my life that I didn't even have any idea needed working on. As usual... :) He has redeemed things, and brought about much change and growth! Hallelujah! :) But of course, the biggest victory goes to God - not only for the very obvious things, but for the mere fact that He finally got this very stubborn girl to let go, and truly let God! :) Thank you, God, for your never-ending patience!!!

Vivaldi. I have always had a soft spot for classical music. It tended to drive Mama crazy when I would play it, because she didn't really enjoy it all that much - and that's an understatement... :) I am by no means a connoisseur, and I other than the very obvious compositions, I wouldn't be able to tell you the composer of any pieces. But I love it. And until recently, I have never had a full grasp on why. I have been playing Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" over and over and over, and I get it now! When I listen to classical music, I am able to sense God in every note. In every movement. In every breath between beats. He is everywhere. And the creative mind He has given me is not boxed into someone else's words within the music, but instead, I have simply been given the music, and I am able to dance with God all through the piece, on my very own! :D Isn't it incredible?!?!?! (Of course, I still enjoy my other favorites - most of which are played on the blog - just as much as I always have, but now I have an understanding of why my heart sometimes just craves classical music!) :)

Vanessa. That's me! :) An A+ for you, if you already figured that out! :) But more than that, it's the person God made me to be. Not a version of myself that I have concocted so that I might people-please to the best of my ability, but the version that God knew of before He spoke the world into being! :)

Finally, God has given me a list of things that I am to focus on in the Word in my last months here, before returning home. They are as follows:
1. Who are we in Christ? (simply speaking as a child of God)
2. Who am I as a woman in Christ?
3. Who am I as a (one-day) wife?
4. Who am I as a (one-day) mother?

Then:
5. What is the foundation, cornerstones and building blocks of a Godly marriage?
6. What is the basic make up of a man/husband/father who is running after God with all his heart?

So far, I have been doing a whole lot of Bible reading. I started in Ephesians, then went on to Proverbs 31... Boy! Was that an awesome morning! :)

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 30:31

I'll tell you honestly, I have read that chapter many, many, many times, and every time I've read it, I have felt like a complete and utter failure. I mean, holy cow that woman has a lot on her plate! I don't know how she ever finds time to sleep! And to be perfectly honest, she does a lot of things I don't care one iota about doing, and other things that are the beat of my heart are mentioned no where in her description. I only read it the morning I did, because God told me to, and I knew I wasn't gonna get a moment's peace until I did it. And thank God, I did! Because I hit that verse, and my world flip-turned upside down! I have read it and heard it so many times before, but never had it hit me so hard. Fear the Lord, and it all comes together. Everything else falls into place when you let Him take over completely! WooHoo! :)

Since then, I have been diving into Psalms. And it has been INCREDIBLE!!! My eyes have read it all so many times before, but I feel like this is the first time my ears and heart have been truly tuned in and listening!!! :)

Alright...I think you all are officially caught up! :) For now... :D

I love you! :)

One day I WILL get better at updating... :)

Lots of verses have been sent my way since my last post. Many, many prayers have been sent up by me, and on my behalf. Many tears have been shed. Many hours of sleep have been lost. Many questions have been asked...and most have gone unanswered... :)

Let me share the verses with you :)

The first one came from my aunt Diane...

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
~Esther 4:14

...for such a time as this... These are the words we've been focusing on.

The things that I have learned and experienced since I've been in Texas have been life-changing and completely awesome. I have gone through a multitude of emotions and tears, as God has broken down long-standing walls, cultivated barren and hardened grounds, and planted seeds, which are, even now, beginning to grow and bloom.

There are things that God has spoken clearly to me in the last few weeks that I know I am to be a part of before I am able to go back home. I am currently here, for such a time as this... :)


The next two came from Ashley...

"To human beings belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes proper answer of the tongue. People may think all their ways are pure, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans. The Lord works out everything to its proper end...In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."
~Proverbs 16:1-4...9

Basically, if I will just follow the path He sets me on, I'm set. :) Of course trials and tribulations will come (because I'm flesh, and far from perfect, and will inevitably try to grab the reigns back at one time or another...unfortunately...), but He's always gonna be there to catch me and redirect me. And if I do everything my feeble heart and mind can do to stay close to Him, He will quickly pull me back to Him at the first sign of trouble. :)

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of the briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever."
~Isaiah 55:12-13

I absolutely LOVE the picture that is painted with the above words. The beauty that comes from simply following in His footsteps. :)


And the last comes from Pastor Wes...

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
~Isaiah 26:3

So...here it is...the answer that is giving me the "perfect peace," that has just settled into my heart in the last little while. And I know that this is different from everything I've flitted through the past almost-month, because I DO feel at peace with it.

I will be back in Georgia (for good...for now, at least... :) ) sometime between December 1st and February 1st. In the remaining 4 to 6 months I am here, I will be focusing on several things God has given me.

1. Continue writing on the book He started with me back in January.
2. Continue working on day-to-day life changes that He's inspired.
3. Comtinue digging deeper in the Word and growing deeper in my relationship with Him.
4. Begin to work with the Lynn's, preparing the children for what's to come, and help them adjust to the newest changes in their young lives, and start helping to implement some of the ideas God has given me for this family.
5. Begin to prepare myself for life without having the children with me every day (this summer, while being unbearably lonely at times, has definitely prepared me for what it will be like without having them around. Thank you God for always knowing what's best for us!).
6. Live every day to the fullest, and enjoy every moment I have left here! :)

I'll share more with you in the days to come, but I just wanted to get this out for now. Please pray with me as I begin step out into the Master's plan! :)

Love you ALL! :D

Calling All My Prayer Warriors! :)

I typed my blog Monday night, not knowing how my little world would turn on it's side in the following 12 hours.

You see, the "future thing" I was talking about in my last blog was this:

Ashley - my best Texas friend and the girl who disciples me - and I had an evening out a couple of months ago. The plan was to stop by Starbucks, fuel up and then pray and wait for God to show us someone He wanted to bless that evening, then go to the mall to pick up some items she needed for her mission trip, and finally dinner. Well...as women and plans go, our's didn't quite go as we had thought. :) We started at Starbucks, and wound up there for three and a half hours! I was catching her up on the stuff He had been giving me for my book, and then we were both just talking through things that those topics brought to the surface. All of a sudden, she just stopped, got really quiet, and then turned to me with the look in her eye. She said God had just given her a picture for me. She said that I was back home, working on the book, and was also in a square room at my church, with twelve other people around me, and the person directly to my right was a shorter, dark-haired man. I was leading this group through the seven discipleship lessons that we have here, and building the foundations up, to send these twelve out to start LifeGroups.

So, needless to say, after that I have had even more of a desire to be back in Georgia than I already had. My heart has been burning in my chest, just knowing that there is a purpose for me in my church, and that He is heading me directly for it. And so, with this picture in mind, I settled in to life, knowing that the Lynn's would be in Thailand in a year doing their ministry, and I would be in Georgia doing mine.

Tuesday morning, things got a little konky. Sharon announced that they had spoken with the leadership at Antioch, and basically, it was decided that they will be putting off 24:14 (the next step in their missionary schooling) for at least a year, and just focus on getting to know the Thailand team (through Skype, email, letters, phone calls, etc) better for the next year, before any major decisions are to be made.

So...where does that leave me, you may be asking. Truth is, at this point I just don't know for sure. With Sharon and David not having school, that means that they will be around to take care of the things with the kids, and around the house, and my help won't be needed in that capacity any longer.

The kids are a bit apprehensive, thinking about me leaving while they're still here. I don't think it had ever truly hit them until Tuesday, that soon, we won't all be together. And even if they had thought about me not being in Thailand when they go, they hadn't been prepared for me to have the opportunity to be gone so soon, especially with them still being stateside.

So....yeah. Needless to say, my mind and heart has just been boggled. I want to do only what God wants me to do, and nothing more or less than that, so I have to hear him clearly. So, what I'm asking of you, is for prayers for clarity. I joked the other night saying that it didn't do me any good to talk to anyone about this, because the people in Texas want me here, and the people in Georgia want me there, so there's lots of bias. :) As for me, there are things on both sides of me holding me tight, so I can honestly say that whatever answer comes will have to come straight from God, because I am split straight down the middle at this moment.

I love you all!