Well, duh!

Ok...I think in the last update I promised that I would soon share with you some of the stuff that God has been planting in my heart...so here goes (and then we'll get to the other good stuff! :D )

If you've known me for a while, you should know that I LOVE children, and I LOVE the elderly, it's just those "in-between" ages that throw me for a loop. Some of my favorite memories are from working in the nursery at the various churches I have attended, volunteering at the daycare for the children of the NEGMC employees and volunteering at New Horizons North (the nursing home on Limestone Pkwy in Gainesville). There is just something so awesome about people in those two age categories - and there is sooooooooooooo much to learn from them, as well! I have always had a special net cast around me when it comes to dealing with teenage females (even when I was one) - they are just a different breed of human, and for me and my personality, it takes a lot for me to reach them, cause I just don't understand them - all of the drama, upheaval, he said/she said, fussing, feuding, etc. Maybe the problem is that since I spent a lot of time playing at Mama's office, with her and her coworkers while they were working, that I never really went through that phase.

I have always felt quite a bit older than others my age - sidenote: when writing "the list" with God this summer on the future husband, the line regarding age that He allowed me to write down was, "If he is younger than me, or the same age as me - he will be mature beyond his years." (I wanted to put "older than me" but He wouldn't allow that :P) I just haven't had much luck finding guys that are my age, that are quite on the same wavelength with me... As I told Mama this summer when she was here and we were having this conversation - I feel like a 30-40 something, with a 23 year old's birthdate. I'm thinking about settling down with husbands, houses, children and ministry, and most people my age are thinking about school, dating, networking, and what they're doing this weekend. I'm just not there. And I really never have been.

Saying all that to say this : God has planted a PASSION - an URGENT passion - for girls (12-18 specifically) to give them the message that God has given me this summer, and during the writing of the book. I don't know all the details of what it's gonna look like, or how it's gonna shape up, I just know it's supposed to happen. And I know it is definitely a God thing, because I NEVER would have chosen such a thing on my own. But, in true God fashion, now that it's in my heart, I'm totally on fire and ready to go with it! :)

And now for the "Well, duh!" moment... :)

Many of you may already know what I'm about to tell you. It might be rooted deep in your heart, and it might just have been a fleeting thought on a cold dark night when you were alone looking at the stars. For me, I've heard it MANY times through the years, but it just took root over the past week or so.

Are you ready? :)

I am here, because God has a purpose for me.

Haha! :) How do you like that? Did you realize that? Do you realize and understand that NOTHING you do in this life is insignificant?

Get ridiculous with me for a moment:

I need to eat breakfast. In the cabinet, I have cereal and I have muffins. I am really craving cereal, but there's just enough milk for my cereal, and I am supposed to be making a dish for dinner that requires milk. So, if I eat the cereal and use the milk, I will have to go to the store and buy more milk, or I could just have the muffins. I decide that I really want the cereal, and I'll just make the trip to the store. So I have my breakfast, and head to the store. When I get to the store, I run into a girl I haven't seen since graduation. We stop and talk for a while, and she tells me about how she just doesn't feel like she's getting anywhere. She doesn't feel like she's accomplished anything, and wonders if she ever will. I take the time to stop and talk to her, share my story with her, allowing her to see how God used the things I thought were pretty insignificant and turned them into something pretty amazing. Then I pray with her, and we part ways. I get to the end of aisle and run into the lady from church that is in charge of VBS. I ask her how things are going with sign-ups and she explains that she is still looking for someone to handle supper, and needs someone to help out with the physical activity portions of each evening. I tell her that I'll be happy to help with the suppers, and I'm sure Mama would be happy to help as well, and then tell her that I'll talk with my aunt who is a PE coach and see if she'd be interested in helping with the activities. She thanks me for offering and we part ways, with me assuring her that I'll get back with her by the end of the day to confirm everything. I finally make it to the milk, pick up my gallon and head to the counter. On the way, I pass the display of cards, and I remember that my friend's birthday is in a few days, and I pick up a card and a gift and to the counter I go. When I get there, my cashier looks like she just lost her best friend, so I greet her with a smile, hello and a sincere "How are you doing?" She answers, telling me that her grandmother was put in the hospital last night, and they don't know if she's going to make it to the end of the week. I tell her how sorry I am to hear that, then (looking at her name badge) call her by name, and tell her that I will be praying for her family during this time. She thanks me, and has a slight smile on her face as I go on my way.

Yes...I am aware that was a rambly story. But look at what I just encountered:
1 - The girl from high school that was feeling down and out, but left feeling an uplift in her spirit, and knowing that there was someone else out there that had been down the same path
2 - The stressed VBS coordinator who left feeling light, knowing that she was able to cross a few things off of her extremely long list of to dos.
3 - The hurting cashier, who was worried and anxious, but now knows that someone out there cared enough to call her by name, and is now carrying some of her burden.

...and all that because I chose to eat cereal for breakfast. :)

Do you get it???? Please tell me you do! :D

EVERYTHING MATTERS!!! There is NOTHING that does not matter! The fact that I am sitting here typing this blog matters. Because I fully believe that God is going to use this and touch someone's heart! He's going to do to you what He's been doing to me this week! :) I promise you that your ENTIRE world will turn upside down when you realize that you are still walking this earth, only because God isn't finished with you! :) Your life truly has a purpose! And every part of your life somehow impacts something else! :) I am so pumped right now just typing it!!! :D I want this to light a fire under your tushy! :) Not to make you turn into some psycho that doesn't do anything without analyzing it completely because you have to make sure that it's going to have a grand impact on the world, but instead, to make you want to live your life as fully and completely and energetically as possible, so you can make the most impact.

Don't worry your life away. And don't overthink. If you get an urge (of course, I'm assuming that you understand the difference in "good" urges and "bad" urges :) ), do it. If you have the urge to take your children/grandchildren to the park and play for a while. Make the time and do it. If you have the urge to cook a romantic dinner for your spouse/fiance DO IT! If you have the urge to run up to a friend and give them a HUGE hug - DO IT! If you have the urge to pay for the couple's dinner that's sitting across the restaurant - DO IT! If you have the urge to send a card to a friend that you haven't gotten to talk to lately - DO IT! If you have the urge to visit a friend or family member you haven't seen in a while - DO IT! God WANTS to use YOU to bless OTHERS!!! :D All He wants from you is a willing heart - He'll provide the rest. He'll stretch the hours in your day, stretch the dollars in the bank, stretch the love in your heart. Let Him. :)

I'll step down from my soapbox now... :)

At the Anne Graham Lotz seminar, at the end of one of the talks, she asked for those to stand up that knew God was calling them to something and they were having a hard time saying yes and doing it. For perhaps the first time in my life, I didn't have to stand up! :D Can I tell you how awesomely amazing that moment felt for me? As I sat there, tears pouring down my face, realizing that, for right now anyway, I've got it! I'm following after Him as hard as I physically can, and in the moments I can't do it anymore, I tell Him He's gonna have to carry us both, and not just hold my hand as I go through it! And He does! He picks me up, holds my head close to His heart and runs through the fire for me! :)

I was sharing with a friend on Friday, how I believe if I went through my God-journals (to explain that category, I have my journals to God, my journal to the Future Husband, my "dream" and "todo" journal... :) ), that the thing that would come up more than anything, would be the times that I am completely wrapped up in Him, and I can physically feel His arms around me - whether it be at church, LifeGroup, in my room, the living room, in the car, at work, wherever! There are times when I feel His hands on my shoulder. Where I feel his arms around my back, where I feel his legs under mine, and his chest against my back, and know that I am sitting in His lap. He is REAL, y'all! He is HERE! And all He wants is us to love Him more than we love anything else - more than our spouses, children, family, friends, wealth, career, health, favorite pasttime - He wants us to love Him first. He doesn't want our leftovers. Don't get me wrong, He'll take whatever you give Him, and He'll take it happily. But the joy you'll experience from giving to Him first will never be matched anywhere else.

And another lesson is this: it doesn't matter how you get with God. You don't have to have a specific place, or time, or day. You don't have to have your eyes closed. You don't have to read your Bible. You don't have to listen to "God music." No doubt that all those things can sometimes help you "get" there. But you can have moments with God wherever, whenever! He is ALWAYS with you!!! He's just waiting on you to get it! :)

I have a lot more I intended to type up, but I think that this is what I want to leave you with right now. God loves you. He wants all of you. And it's true - you can never out give God. You give Him all of your heart, and you'll find that you have more love in there than you ever thought you have. You give Him your worries, and you'll find you're more "go with the flow" than you've ever been. You give Him your regrets and past hurts, and He'll redeem them - He'll use them through you to help others! You give Him your finances and He'll bless others and you through it! He's all over it! :)

I love you all! :)

More to come, soon! :)

"Heaven is the Face"

Steven Curtis Chapman has a new single out - recently released - and he has an album "Beauty Will Rise" out November 3rd. The song isn't where I can put it on the blog page for your listening pleasure, but I want you to read the lyrics. The album was born from his pain, grief and sadness, but also screams of hope and excitement for eternity! :D

Heaven is the face of a little girl with dark brown eyes that disappear when she smiles
And Heaven is the place where she calls my name, says, "Daddy please come play with me for awhile."

God, I know, it's all of this and so much more, but God, You know that this is what I'm aching for. God, You know, I just can't see beyond the door. So right now...

Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep, lying on my chest falling fast asleep while I sing.
And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms, being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams.

And God, I know, it's all of this and so much more, but God, You know that this is what I'm longing for. God, You know, I just can't see beyond the door.

But in my mind's eye I can see a place where Your glory fills every empty space. All the cancer is gone, every mouth is fed and there's no one left in the orphan's bed. Every lonely heart finds their one true love, and there's no more goodbye, and no more not enough, and there's no more enemy (no more).

Heaven is a sweet maple syrup kiss, and a thousand other little things I miss with her gone.
And Heaven is the place where she takes my hand, and leads me to You, and we both run into Your arms.

Oh God, I know it's so much more than I can dream. It's far beyond anything I can conceive.
So God You know I'm trusting You until I see...

Heaven in the face of my little girl...
Heaven in the face of my little girl...

How incredible is that song??? If you haven't gotten a chance to hear it yet, please make a way to do so! There's so much good stuff all over it! You don't have to have a child, or have lost a child tragically to be touched by the words in this song. I play the bridge: "But in my mind's eye, I can see a place where Your glory fills every empty space. All the cancer is gone, every mouth is fed and there's no one left in the orphan's bed. Every lonely heart finds their one true love, and there's no more goodbye, and no more not enough. And there's no more enemy (no more)" over and over again - how powerful the picture that is painted with those words! :)

On another note, we (Sharon, Samantha and I - and 10,000 other people) attended Anne Graham Lotz "Just Give Me Jesus" conference tonight. It continues tomorrow from 8:30-12 and 2-5. (I'll miss the first half of the day because I have to work, but I'll make it to the second half)

It was INCREDIBLE!!! I will have PLENTY of thoughts and ideas to share from it later, but right now I'm about to crash! :) And of course, there is another idea that God has birthed in me over the last few weeks that He confirmed tonight. So, of course, I'll want to share that with you as well - but I must sleep, or I'll be sleeping through tomorrow's seminar, and not learning very much! :)

I love you all, and hope you're having an incredible weekend! :)

A quick update :)

So...last night, I hate to admit, but I had a "doubt" session ...

***The only reason I am sharing the following information is because it is crucial to the rest of the story... :) ***

You see, I LOVE my job. I have liked jobs I have had before this, and have sincerely enjoyed some of them. But I LOVE this one.

I started work on February 28th, as a cashier.

In March I received "Employee of the Month" for the Front End - cashier, guest services, cart attendants, food service department

In April they started training me for "Food Avenue" - which is our little cafe type thing, where we do breakfast, lunch and dinner - very basic, but soooooooooooooo much fun!!! :D

In June I received "Employee of the Month" for the Front End again.

At the end of July, they began training me for Clerical - the payroll, scheduling, paperwork side of things

August 28th marked my "Six Month Anniversary" :)

The week before last they trained me for Price Accuracy - this is the "markdown/clearance" team.

Last week they started training me for the Service Desk - Marcia's favorite place in any store, cause that's where you return things! :D (I love you, Marcia! :D )

And then yesterday, while I was working in the Clerical department, Joann (the HR Director, and the supervisor over the Clerical department) informed me that the ETL (Executive Team Leads-there are 5 of them) had met earlier in the week to talk about who would be the "Great Team Hero" for the month of September, and then in the Team Lead meeting on Friday, they had opened up the floor for the Team Leads (there are 15 of them) to nominate people from their departments they thought should get the award. She said that one of the team leads mentioned my name, and it was a unanimous decision around the table that it would go to me. Needless to say, as I sat there listening to her, tears were pooling in my eyes, and then they began to pour down my face. She said, "Vanessa! Are you crying?!?!" And I told her yes. I was completely overwhelmed. I don't do anything I do at the store because I want to be recognized, or because I want to "win points" with the ETLs and the TLs. I do it simply because I absolutely LOVE my job. She said, "I know. And that is what makes it even greater! And if you don't stop crying, I'm gonna be crying with you!" She walked over and gave me a hug, and Jerry (another of the ETLs) was sitting in the room, and he said, "Let's just make it a group hug!" It was an awesome moment! I sat in awe at how God had orchestrated the entire thing from the beginning, and how he had brought so much fruit out of it in such a short time! :) It's incredible what happens when we really listen to him...huh? :)

So...back to the story...

After all that, I came home last night questioning God. Basically, all I was saying was, "God...did I really hear you say that I was to go back to Georgia the last weekend in January, or was I just wanting to go back so badly I made it all up myself?" I asked it. I prayed it. I cried it out. I begged for an answer. I reread journal entries from that time. I reread blog entries. I reread emails I had gotten from all of you. I searched and I searched and I searched, but I still went to sleep with a heavy heart. I kept telling Him that I just didn't understand why He would put me in such an incredible place in my job, only to take it away less than a year from when I started. And furthermore, I didn't understand why He would put me in a job that I was head over heels for, and then yank it away from me. (Not that I'm just dying to be in a job that makes me miserable or anything, right now, but I was just telling Him that if I had indeed heard Him correctly on the end of January thing, then it would have been nice if He wouldn't have put me in such an incredible place now... :P lol)

So...I finally shut up trying to tell God how to run things, and I went to sleep.

I woke up this morning, and while I was getting ready for church, a friend of mine had called and left me a message. She said that God had put me on her heart all morning, and that during the service (she goes to the 8:30 with her family - she's 40 with two children and I love her entire family dearly!) she felt like God was giving her something to tell me. She said, "You know I don't do too well with these 'words' and all, but since it's for you, I'm gonna go ahead and give it to you, and if it is totally off base, I know you'll tell me and forgive me. But God wants you to know that you just need to stay on the path He set before you. Don't doubt and don't be worried. Just follow the path in front of you, and keep going where He told you to go. He loves you and has many great plans for your future. Just keep going forward. I love you girl!"

Yeah...anyone else smiling right now? :) Isn't it incredible how quickly God answers prayers and sends us confirmation?!?! :)

But that's not all! (And now I feel like I sound like an infomercial...lol)

I got another message on my phone from another close friend passing on another word, basically telling me that God said that everything is on His timetable, and it will all happen exactly when it is supposed to happen! :D

Yeah...once again...that's not all! :D

Got into the service, and the song set was INCREDIBLE!!! I was bawling like a baby, with the entire top of my shirt soaked in tears by the end of the first song, and it continued until the end of the service. I was so completely overwhelmed by God's love for me! The songs went straight to the bottom of my heart, and He just sat there and held me, rocked me and loved on me. It was awesome.

But there's still one last thing... :)

Then Jimmy got up and brought the message. He talked about how God has much for our lives, but that we have to give up our whole life to receive the whole life of Jesus. That He wants to give it all to us, but we have to let go of the "treasures" we store up. Whether it be people, or hobbies, or entertainment, or even our jobs... ("Vanessa....are you listening to me down there...? :) )

So...there you have it. I'm coming home the last weekend of January. God said it. And I'm obeying. I'm not willing to disobey and take 100 steps back. So...I'll say my goodbyes to these beautiful children, the friends I've made, and the job I love so much when the time comes. But God will be right by my side through it all. And when I get upset, He'll give me some extra love and affection, hold me tight, pick me up and carry me through it. We'll drive back to Georgia together, and when I arrive, I'll be able to see, at least a little, what all He has in store for me! I feel it in my heart - there are big things coming! In some ways, it absolutely scares me to death. And in other ways, it makes me so excited I can hardly sleep at night! The unknown is terrifying, but completely exhilarating!

One other thing I'll mention (cause I don't think I have before...) before I sign off for the evening.

A couple of weeks ago...we'll it's probably been about a month ago now...I felt like God was telling me that I was supposed to get a journal, and I was supposed to write entries to the Future Husband. I thought it was one of the crazier things God had told me to do, because I don't even know this man, and God wants me writing to him?!?!? So we had to have a long sit down talk, and He explained to me that this was to be something that I poured my heart into, was raw, emotional and real. Share my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my desires, my anxious thoughts, my fears... That this would be a journal for my FH, God and me. That this would be my gift to him, the day after we become engaged. This will allow him to see me, my heart, and the growth that God is orchestrating in me. And it will be something we can go back to in the years ahead, to see how God paved the way. After He got me straightened out on all that, I was onboard. :D

I bought the journal a few weeks ago, but didn't begin writing in it until September 1st - which by the way, was also the day that I realized I had exactly one month left until I'd be 24...I know those of you that are older than that are probably groaning, but man...when I realized that I'd soon be halfway to 50, it made me stop for a moment. Then I looked back and realized how far I had come in such a short amount of time, thanked God that He had seen fit to figure me all out before the beginning of the world, shook it off and got on with my day! :) I have filled up 8-10 pages this week, and each time I write in it, it is completely indescribable what God does in that time. The things He softly whispers to me. The way He draws my heart nearer to this man I've never met. The way He builds up and encourages the dreams for the future that are in His will for my life, and the way He gently helps me to loosen my fingers on the ones that aren't in His plan. Amazing. Incredible. Awesome. God. :)

So. I think you're all caught up now. :)

Happy Labor Day - tomorrow! :D I work 8-12, and then get to come to the house and be with the family. Samantha wants to french braid my hair...I can't wait to see what comes of this, since it doesn't even reach my shoulders, and is stacked in the back. But hey - I'm all for having someone play with my hair, so let her have at it! :D Then they want to go on a bike ride tomorrow evening...I'm trying to figure out how safe Spooky would be inside a backpack (with it unzipped and on backwards so he'd be in front, of course! :D )...I hate to leave him behind, but the pink carrier that I use when we walk isn't supportive enough for me to steer my bicycle and hold onto him too...we'll just have to see, I guess... :) I'll let you know what comes of it! :)

One more thing. I've got a few "little bits" that I'd like to ask you to pray for. Not things I want to list here on the web for the whole world to see, but things I'd like to have all of my faithful prayer warriors lifting up on my behalf. There are 4 things. God knows them well, because I've been hounding Him about all of it for a month or so now - but He doesn't mind! :) Cause He loves me like CRAZY, and He delights in me. And He made me, and my quirks, so He gets me! :D

Love you all! :)